In which the pond dives into reptile pre-history, only to return and discover it's all the fault of trans folk ...

Say what? The world's lungs? Did Lloydie go stark raving mad? 

Why he sounded positively greenie, almost full Gaia, and it unnerved the pond for almost a full week. Even the reptile editorialist sounded a tad insane …

More blather about "the lungs of the world"?! But surely everyone knew that climate science was a deviant, wretched hoax and a fraud, fake science, and foolish ?

Fortunately the moment of madness passed, and the Major was on hand to blame the ABC and there was the usual story about electric cars, and power bills and so on and so reptile forth …

 

But why has the pond stepped back in time, into what is now almost reptile pre-history, the dawn of time, or at least the dawn of the week?

Well this Saturday's lot is not so compelling. Our man, prattling Polonius, is never amongst the first eleven, and his stout history lesson, incidentally defending Mathias the Terminator, has been stored in the attic with the mad uncle, for the reptiles to highlight later on, perhaps on a slow Sunday …

And the dog botherer is prematurely celebrating SloMo, in the sort of premature ejaculatory way to be expected of him, while Dame Slap is berating the universities, a reptile sport much loved but infinitely tedious …

And that's why the pond wanted to celebrate with Moorice, who knew exactly what to do with all those earlier signs of reptile weakness …

Sure Moorice had competition as to who could sound the most peculiar …

Is there nothing privatisation can't fix? But the pond was feeling nostalgic. Good old Moorice. It's been a long time since he's featured on the pond, and what a ripper he scribbled during the week …

Take that Lloydie, take that lizard editorialist, our Moorice knew the answer, and it was roughly akin to cinematic master Sam Fuller's first novel …

Yes, there's nothing to see here, though it seems Moorice was prepared to overlook the thought crimes and the talk of lungs by Lloydie and the lizard editorialist, and blame CNN and NBC and Marcon instead ...

Indeed, indeed, but where's the harm? As Sam himself once wrote …

And so to the final fireball from our Moorice ...

Yes, indeed, the planet is in tip-top shape, and we can go on burning and pillaging, at least until the rapture saves us all … for why else have we been given dominion over everything? 

Well the pond had to make the ultimate sacrifice and forsake another epic Moorice piece …

But speaking of ambitious world dictators and full-blown climate denialists, the pond just had to find the room to acknowledge that later in the week, the reptiles had reverted to full and proper Trumpism, and there was something of a face-off between our Henry and the lizard editorialist, as to who could be the most Trumpian of all …

It was a tough call, but let's face it trade wars are easy to win, the Mexicans have paid for the wall, and the pond had to go with the reptile editorialist …

Okay, okay, the pond would usually use this as an excuse to run a few Donald cartoons, but things have been a little fraught between the Donald and Fox News in recent times.

Would the lizard Oz editorialist's suave words down under be enough to sway the Donald and end the war?

Frankly Mr Cavuto, you don't seem to have the first clue as to how to be a prime suck. Let the lizard Oz editorialist remind you how it's done by true Murdochian Trumpists ...

Oh okay, just a few Donald cartoons before a final editorialist spurt …

 

And so to a last gobbet of the reptiles doing the full suck of the sauce bottle ...

Waiter, some more of that kool aid, the one they serve in Surry Hills, and be bloody quick about it, the pond is anxious to worship at the feet of the chosen one …

But wait, you say, this is all very well and choice and beefy and distilled essence of fun, but it's positively ancient, and expert herpetologists were on to it all during the week, so what about a sample of prime reptile lunacy from today's outing?

Well as it so happens, the pond has just the thing …

Readers of the Weekly Beast will recall that the reptiles have set up a page dedicated to gender issues … a phenomenon also featured in Junkee in 'The Australian' Has Reached A New Low With Its New Dedication To Demonising Trans People.

But be that as it may be, at the stunning end to this piece, the pond will unveil the stunning formula discovered by the Angelic one, which might promise world peace by lunchtime, or at a minimum, will maintain the rage and the demonisation ...

Oh heck, the Angelica one has already given the game away. Here's the formula:

Pill script + scribbling doctor = hideous trans people!

There, peace by lunch time, and no need for people to keep asking what the fuck the prescribing of the pill has to do with trans issues.

Sheesh, what the fuck has fluoride got to do with international conspiracies… as if you didn't have the first clue ...

Yes, it's the slippery slope. Head off to the doctor to get a script for the pill and the next thing you know a boy will emerge from the GPs office a girl, and the end of the world is nigh ...

Well the pond was mightily pleased to present the latest example of the burgeoning school of irrational trans hate, which has always lurked in the reptile bosom like that asp clasped to Cleopatra's bosom … but remember, today is the last day of Benjamin Law's offer …

And around this point, the pond would usually wrap things up, but as the pond now only gets a few goes to honour reptile contributors, it will keep pushing on …

Yes, that's logical … there's nothing like the cleanest energy of all having a half-life of a half million years … 

If only climate science and climate change were actually true as opposed to false and foolish delusions, as so sagely explained by Moorice a little earlier … but as pond readers know, nothing needs to be done, so why the heck is Ted talking of the need for action?

And who the heck is this unknown rocket scientist, and what does he have to say about half-lifes and storage, and the actual price of doing the full nuke dance?

Indeed, indeed, but the actual reason is the next cyclone season ... surely we need to be in a position to be able to do a Donald …

Inspirational stuff, bur our Ted writes the sort of stuff that would inspire a Ted session ...

So much for good old wind and sun, with a half life of zip … but please, credit where credit is due ...

The pond feels tremendously reassured to know that Ted has a hand on the wheel …and the Donald has his finger on the button ...

And now in closing, the pond has observed a most peculiar phenomenon …

You see, once upon a time, the pond would always go elsewhere for its climate catastrophe stories, what with Moorice and Lloydie doing the right thing in the lizard Oz to reassure everyone everything was for the best in the best of all possible words … say the Graudian, or an actual scientific site dedicated to actual science and observation of the actual world …

But what do you know, this turned up as a reptile splash ...

The pond is now officially deeply worried for Lloydie, what with his talk of the world's lungs, the Gaia thingie, and all that ...

What if Lloydie actually mentioned climate science and climate change as if they were real things?

Climate change was a major threat? And Lloydie didn't even turn to the Moorice for expert advice and reassurance?

Dear sweet absent lord, Lloydie has freaked out and flipped, a straight report on the dire consequences of climate change?

What would Moorice say? Where are the reptiles heading? After all these years, has valiant Moorice's work, has Bjorn's reassurances, failed to reassure Lloydie?

Well, the pond knows who to blame!

pill script = trans folk = doomed reef.

QED. Those bloody trans folk … and so to a final few cartoons just for the fun of it all ...