In which the pond celebrates its return from Melbourne with a mystic Sunday meditation ...

The pond wanted to bring back incontrovertible proof that it had been in Melbourne this past week.

Oh there are always doubters and naysayers out there, trained in the ways of Trumpism and white supremacy by the lizards of Oz, but it was a cold, hard slog through the streets of Melbourne that led the pond to contemplating that statue, presented by the Women's Christian Temperance Union of Victoria … (go on, pretend you know Melbourne by identifying where it's located).

Of course the pond could have just picked it up, courtesy of a satanic google image search, but the pond has better things to search for, like the recent accumulating horrors now regularly recorded in the Weekly Beast, as here …

What the fuck? Another front opened up in the Trumpist/Mike Pence School of Hate, Bigotry, Fear and Loathing?

But suddenly this weekend's effort by Dame Slap became clear …

Well that's good, because now the dumb bitch can spend all her time scribbling crap about the UFC, MMA, boxing and wrestling.

As for calling her a dumb bitch, the pond has been assured that this is what masculine men do (and perhaps hardcore macho lesbians and bloggers with TG friends), unless they happen to reach for an even sterner swearword and call women dumb c… well, you can fill in the rest, at least if you're a masculine man.

Or maybe she can just spend her time adoring the manly Donald, perhaps being stroked by his tiny hands, though whenever the pond thinks of Steve Bannon, the Donald, and such like, it's always reminded of how the Nazi leadership never looked remotely like the Ayran stereotype. The Donald's into fat-shaming? Now there's a masculine tub of McDonalds lard doing a pot/kettle routine ...

Meanwhile, the pond was reminded that it had missed prattling Polonius last week, but a stark image brought him back to mind …

Actually the pond must question the use of "purgatory", a singularly useless and weird concept developed by the followers of the Whore of Babylon (Synagogue of Satan if you insist, foul followers of Folauists). Is purgatory mentioned in the bible? Only to Catholics trained in knot-making and snake-twisting logic ...

It turns out that Polonius was a dead loss last week, so there's no need to revive any of that, but this week he was on song and back in the chapel, and so suitable stuff for a Sunday meditation …

  

Forget the missed boat on taxes. Call the small children to come unto Polonius so that he might heal them and offer them succour, or at least a jaw-breaking all day sucker.

Now the pond had thought of wheeling in a slab of whining Angela, but was content just to note that in the Angelic one's column bleating about Brexit, she gave the entire game away …

It's rare for the reptiles to admit the major reason for Brexit was Little Britain and bigotry and keeping out those bloody furriners who do the things the Poms are too lazy or toffy to want to do, but the Angelic one wasn't afraid to go there …and so she should be applauded, even if she didn't go the next obvious step, and plan to keep out the Scots and the Irish, and all the rest of the bloody Celts ...

And so with that out of the way, it's on to Polonius defending the Catholic church, as he always does …

As usual, Polonius is full of nonsense. The pond can assure him that in a small town the confessor invariably knew the identity of the sinner …and there's another complaint.

"Symbolic politics" is surely far too quaint. Polonius should have paid the reptiles' annual licence fee for the use of "virtue signalling."

The old fuddy duddy needs to get with it, and perhaps he should note that these days, thanks to the Catholic church and the likes of Epstein, the crime is much discussed …

Oh yes, there will be fun and games in New York this year for lawyers, but meanwhile, Polonius is intent on keeping his finger stuck in the Catholic dyke ...

Put simply, Polonius refuses to take the claim seriously, but then, according to Polonius, there's never been a serious problem in the Catholic church. 

The pond realises it's always the fault of the ABC, but strangely you might also have found similar stories simply by reading the reptiles …

Oh dear, but please, don't disturb Polonius as he wanders along, prattling away in his own la-la land ...

Well yes, it is all the fault of the ABC, but perhaps the pond should finish off that lizard Oz story …

All that's just water off a duck's back in Polonial la la land, where the church is everything, and its victims an inconvenience …

One thing's certain out of all this guff. Polonius hasn't said a single thing about how pedophiles in the Catholic church might be identified or a child protected … but that's always been a tricky thing for Catholics, what with purgatory offering up an escape clause …

And speaking of religion, as the pond must, this odd coupling cropped up during the week ...

Well we know our Gracie has a thing about the Folau matter, but that blather about reclaiming the middle ages reminded the pond that poor old Luke Slattery was one of those bits of journalistic driftwood who has washed back up on the shores of the lizard Oz to prove a Graudian point …

But to be fair to Luke, who is just trying to scrabble a living, it was the subject matter that turned out to be as predictable and boring as the writing ...

Indeed, indeed, was it only yesterday that the pond was celebrating white supremacists, racists and the Donald with the reptile team?

"White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?," he asked. "Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?"

Go on, hug Steve King today. He's in a spot of bother …

But let's get back to the middle ages, when manly men could indulge in rape and bastards populated the earth, so the population could grow mightily, and everything was hunky dory ...

Actually the pond really couldn't give a toss if she's a white supremacist or facilitates white supremacists. She claims she's a devoted Catholic, and that's down there with a belief in the easter bunny, the tooth fairy or Santa Claus …though we all know they're as white as Christ, and we're all true believers in a multicultural world …

Now there's a fine word coming up which would probably make Dame Slap swoon with pleasure, "Anglo-masculophobes", but even better, there's a punch line at the very end of the article ...

Oh sweet long absent Jesus, she's a Milo troller … the pond should have known …

 

And what's funny about all this?

Well it's the reptiles getting agitated about the Graudian and others noting certain tendencies …

Get some of that Milo into you, it'll make the hate stronger and healthier, put a little more strength into those white bones ...

Dear sweet long absent brown Jesus, she's a bloody Marianist …but that bit about not wanting a Great Books curriculum shocked the pond to the core, given the punchline to the entire story ...

Barking mad, and it was the Ramsay Centre wot done it …

Well there's another batch of clippings for the devoted far right readers of the pond …

Meanwhile, all the pond can do is thank the long absent brown lord that the pond, and the world, has moved on from medieval times, while the pond is exceptionally pleased that the courses it endured in medieval history and Catholicism are also now long behind it…what with it being about a bunch of tossers arguing over who had the best imaginary friend, and centuries later the tossers are still arguing about it, and going to war and indulging in terrorist acts, when the pond would cheerfully settle for an Eostre egg and a Saturnalian gift …

But in lieu of a gift, the pond is determined to get in a cartoon from the infallible Pope, even if it has little relevance to all that's gone before, except that it features a manly man on a crusade … (no link, now that the paywall has spoken) …

And as small, token compensation for anyone who made it through to the bitter end, a few more cartoons celebrating manly men doing their many things ...