In which the pond crams in an excessive amount of reptile ranting ...

Through the week there came a poignant contrast in reptile headlines, as our Henry keeps up the full Donald …

 

The pond hereby orders the reptiles to focus on reality, and join the pond, the Donald and King Canute in demanding that the tides and companies carry on as ordered, thereby ensuring that silly old doddery full Trumpian Henry will continue to not have the first fucking clue about problems …

Speaking of problems, let us not ignore our own achievements, celebrated in a land far from the reptiles …

And now, just to set up the full Trumpian tone, the reptiles during the week ran - in their usual way - a Trumpian piece from the WSJ …

The pond was saved from reading - or even worse reprinting  "Heather inverted commas" of the WSJ via the lizard Oz - by stumbling across a piece in the NY magazine at the very same time, which inter alia read, and can be read in full here ...

And so on and so forth … because sometimes it's simply easier not to read the reptiles, but to read what others say about the reptiles, and because sometimes that's the only way to handle things …because what a doozy of a week it was …

And with that established, it was time to turn to MAGA-cap donning Dame Slap …

She forgives? What is she, Christ, God, or just a delusional Trumpian?

But here's the funny thing. She berates Thunberg for being a doomster gloomster, and then produces a magnificently delusional piece of gloomy doom herself …

Unimagined wealth? Is that a new way of saying unimaginable wealth?

As a sometime full Trumpian, Dame Slap has some cheek talking about modern missionaries and rich con artists scamming the public …

But when Dame Slap gets going on a doom-laden rant, she's the Queen of the Reptiles ...

Bonfire of the vanities? And not one word about the bonfire of the Amazon? Not even a hint of moralising about that from the self-appointed reptile moraliser?

Those questions are beyond the pond's pay grade. But if Dame Slap was to be believed, it was the Donald that was the answer. How did that work out for the world?

Of course the pond isn't suggesting that Dame Slap is a kind of holy trinity embodying the Donald, herself and Kool-Aid, but she is a heavy drinker …

Ah, and so not above recycling a racial slur, which must mean it's okay to recycle Donald jokes …

Yes, whatever Dame Slap says must be "Donald true" … though it's a pity that as a result, she doesn't have the first clue what's wrong or how to mend it … except to trot out that old reptile mainstay, "virtue signalling", now apparently licensed for exclusive, boring, endlessly repeated reptile use …

Thanks to Dame Slap and the Murdochians we now have one of the most important and inventive destroyers of global growth over the past 400 years, the unlimited no liability Donald …

Meanwhile, the reptiles were off lathering up their trans hate … a new feature and seemingly a fixture in their fear and loathing foaming at the mouth …

Actually it's the reptiles in a trans nightmare … which is why the pond's trans friend has now ensured the rag is banned from her office.

It's a good step … the paper should be shunned wherever it is seen, and the pond regrets that it recycles reptile rubbish for the reading entertainment of white supremacists and white nationalists everywhere, but it serves the pond's whimsical sense of humour …

What, he's off to the Amazon to see it burning? Or perhaps off to the Arctic to see the fires there? Or perhaps he's going to trudge through the sludge forming as the permafrost melts in Alaska, Siberia and other remote locations? Or perhaps he dared to read a heretic who somehow bobbed up in the lizard Oz?

Nope, sadly, it's an attempt by the dog botherer to be funny, and worse than unconsciously funny, a deliberate attempt at humour, which raises the question of whether a moronic reptile can be witty …because he's actually off to Canberra …which means the pond will have to put on hold jokes about fuckwits heading off to Adelaide, or even worse, watching the wisteria on the verandah with the great aunts …

Meanwhile, in the bubble, or another planet …

But it's pointless for the pond to attempt to introduce another planet to delusional climate denialists of the moronic dog botherer kind. Better just to let the "db" do his comedy stylings …

Ah, the old futile climate action routine … and at that point, the pond felt the need for a cartoon … because these days, when reading the reptiles, the only way the pond can struggle from one gobbet to the next is with the help of a cartoon …

Hmm, what we need now is a cliche. We've already done "virtue signalling", so is there a loon in the house ready to claim that only he understands the "zeitgeist"?

Speaking of bubbles, how goes the reptile favourite?

Sadly the pond is down to the penultimate dog botherer gobbet, and so is running short on the chance to use up its recent cartoons ...

Who would pay to listen to the dog botherer? For that matter, who would pay to watch Sky? For that matter, who subscribes to the lizard Oz? There's plenty of comedy to be found elsewhere … even if the gags share a certain sameness …

  

It goes without saying that the Donald is a narcissist, but note well how the dog botherer displays his own form of narcissistic hubris, based on the premise that he alone knows what sort of kool-aid to drink … and yes, virtue signalling will get another run. How the pond would love to have patented those words … well if "The" can be trademarked, imagine the royalties the pond could charge on virtue signalling, or weasly attempts to avoid the trademark by resorting to "signal their virtue" ...

What's so funny about all this blather about Canberra from the dog botherer?

Well, he's from Adelaide … which helps explain his parochial triumphalism, his navel-gazing delusionalism, his pitiful narcism, his moaning about bubbles, his climate science denialism, and his infinite capacity to ignore what's happening in the world …

And so to a bonus for die-hard reptile specialists …

You see before the Pell matter erupted, the reptiles were big on maintaining their religious freedom war ...

 

The pond knew it was important to the reptiles and dear to their hearts, because they did the usual thing and wrote a big story about a column that they also published ...

Well the pond didn't bother with the pandering Brown, but loved the header on the portentous Porteous's piece, remembering that this was just before the Pell matter broke large ...

Oh dear … it was probably a sign that everyone, reptiles and Catholics, thought that Pell would be saved, and everyone could return to blathering about the positive influence of Christianity on the world. Come unto "Porteous inverted commas", little children ...

Dammit, is this cheeky archbishop quoting that Commie Evatt, and a bunch of assorted secularists? But okay, the pond can go with that … 

Now can we get down to sorting out the ways that the rights of Catholics to persecute gays, trans, and assorted other sinners they don't like can be protected by government … seeing as how both Dame Slap and the dog botherer are really big on big government, and government interventions … (the pond keeds, it keeds) ...

And there you have it. The Catholic church is never above shamelessly lying, telling porkies and misrepresenting things in their higher calling … because Folau was not terminated simply for citing teachings from the Bible, no more than Michaela Banerji was fired simply for pointing out the obvious stupidity of the Department of Immigration's many nasty, vicious, hurtful and hateful policies …

No, it actually had to do with a legal interpretation of contractual relationships between employer and employee, so good luck to that lesbian teacher employed by the Catholic church ... 

Say what? It was the Catholic church that stood up to Hitler and Mussolini? So that's what signing that 1933 Concordat stood for?

Well it's not the pond's business to defend the secularists and their assorted Stalinist sins, but sure as the Catholic church invented purgatory by twisting a few words in the bible, it's possible to note that there are many ways to twist the historical record … and so it was a relief that someone blathering on about the dignity of the human person and their freedom was temporarily silenced by the Pell matter erupting, without the need therefore to hark back to the Inquisition or the institutionalised banning of books and the lashing out at women, gays and assorted heretics over centuries of abuse and hate-speech …

And speaking of eruptions, as the pond has only a Sunday meditation to look at the entire week, how pleasing it is to see that finally Media Watch is getting stuck into the reptiles and their friend the parrot, and lordy lordy, didn't the parrot squawk at the backhanders. 

Of course it makes for some delicious follies, and it means the Weekly Beast can also give the parrot the odd backhander, as here … along with Gra Gra of the Swiss bank accounts ...

But really the pond only wanted to end with a Rowe cartoon, with more Rowe here ...

Actually Mr Rowe he'll always have Macquarie and Nine … as well as a column or three in the lizard Oz …

And now, for anyone who made it this far, a few more spare cartoons …

Or maybe call it the coalition's NBN, speedily tearing up a footpath near you, repairing it with tar, while delivering a product so slow it will do nothing for economic growth ...