For anyone worried, even traumatised about Lloydie, relax, Lloydie came good. Who needs lungs, the planet is in great shape, hypocrisy is rampant, that talk of Brazil being out of line was just an aberration, quickly corrected, with Moorice showing the way, and Lloydie meekly following like a lamb ready for a good roasting.
Immensely relieved, and knowing the fickle finger of fate must always be on the move, the pond looked around for fresh forests to burn … why not the latest from the good ship Bretanic?
Ha, gotcha! As if the pond was going to spend meditative time on a Sunday with an alleged Marxist, and consummate fuckwit as silly as Brendan …
Spring might have sprung, at least for those who attach mystical weight to the first day of a month, but in a parliamentary democracy, it takes some awesome cheek to see voters being put in charge ... by the castrating of the folk they voted for …
No, no, no, the pond expects more from its reptiles, and so faced an agonising choice for Sunday reading …
Sorry, more bait and switch. As if the MAGA cap-donning Dame Slap has the first clue about tertiary education, what with her worship of Trump University … and as for the dog botherer … shouldn't he be demonising trans folk, by request of the pond's remaining few readers?
No, no, no, there was only one choice available in the weekend reptile reading …but what a ripping yarn it was ...
Yes, it's the bromancer … he's back, and ready to wage Operation Delusion up against Operation Fear, and what fine comrades he has …
Maybe it's a bit early to start with the cartoons - there's plenty more at the Graudian here - but stray readers should be warned that this is a lengthy bromancer, and they should have plenty of kool-aid packed for the trip … and a sensa huma wouldn't hurt either …as we enter the world of Campaign Delusion ...
Starting with G. K. Chesterton? A dim-witted Catholic who wrote crummy detective novels for a crust, his invention subsequently turned into a TV character who plagues the pond's nightmares? Capable of solving everything, except why priests like to fiddle with children…
Didn't the pond warn unwary readers to pack some kool-aid?
Okay, after a deep drink or two, it's time to press on into the swilling horde of optimistic delusionals, determined to believe that Brexit will fix everything, and can be done in a smooth and soothing way, without any pain or disruption ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, did the pond suggest kool-aid? It should have suggested smelling salts, because the bromancer sounds like he's about to pass out in a fit of hysteria befitting an English gentleman confronting uncovered table legs (and we know where humping wood will get you).
Every time the pond reads one of these passionate outbursts, it's reminded of Dean Swift and his satirical look at Lilliput and Blefuscu and their fierce fight about which end of the egg should be cut … because there's one certainty in this debate, and that's what is being presented as a magical fix for the state of Britain is actually a move which will do three fifths of fuck all to fix assorted issues, including the state of the north and the sense of alienation in a declining country fading into world irrelevance …
But the bromancer is deep into Operation Delusion, and has no time for larger pictures … he just wants Boris to win … so those pesky furriners who ruin everything and do jobs the little English don't like doing, can be kept out of little England ...
Like the Donald?
Did the pond hear the mating cry of a Donald cartoon?
Never mind, Brexit is a matter of deep doctrinal purity for the barking mad loons of the Murdochian empire … and having embraced the lowest form of tabloid populism, and lying, cheating, fornicating leaders, by golly they're going to stick with them ...
Did somebody mention an election? Surely there must be a cartoon for that occasion?
Stay, the bromancer is just getting wound up, and his talk of violence on the streets is a mere preamble to more lathering, foaming hysteria ...
Ah, "bien pensant"! Admirable, and so much more Spectator-flavoured than the favoured reptile term of "virtue signalling" …
The bromancer just loves a good war … and what a fine conspirator he is, smiting and smoting all the enemies surrounding Boris and determined to drag him down …
Yes, in a parliamentary democracy, it's absolutely true that the representatives of the people, voted for by the people, are terribly undemocratic…
It's impossible to imagine in a parliamentary democracy anything more absolutely undemocratic than a parliament in session … and the sooner they all stop it, the better off we'll be, especially if we have an authoritarian leader who knows what's best for everyone, especially if it's better for him and his Etonian chums when it comes to turning Britain into a tax-dodge haven down there with the Canary islands, the NHS sold to the Americans, and everything spiffingly good, old chums ...
You see, there was absolutely no reason for the pond to read the swill of Brendan to arrive at a proper and true understanding of parliamentary democracy … remember, the bromancer will always provide. The lure of the populist inclination to authoritarian fascism lurks on the shallow surfaces of the hearts of the reptiles ...
People, arise and march in the streets, in true democratic style …as for that use of "cowards", a craven slur, which might incite yet violence in the streets, is there a cartoon in the house?
It's just as well this is the last bromancer gobbet because the pond is running short of cartoons … never mind, let us slip the surly bonds of reality one last time ...
Oh dear, he still thinks Britain has some sort of empire and international significance … well, perhaps just one more cartoon, but instead of a Rowson, how about a Bell?
And now, because there's absolutely no demand for it, the pond must turn to prattling Polonius, who also spent time yesterday doing a little spray about Hugh, because naturally only Polonius is in true possession of the Brexit facts ...
The pond apologises for that confronting image of Polonius … but let us forget Hugh and Polonius's talk of "Brexit facts" - always a laugh given Polonius's record with the "facts". How unfair it would be to contrast a thespian in search of a blow job with a portentous pompous ponce who looks no further than desiccated coconut for his pleasure.
So let's turn instead to a little hero worship in the style of a Carlyle, because it goes without saying that Polonius is a staunch Victorian in style and manner ...
So let's turn instead to a little hero worship in the style of a Carlyle, because it goes without saying that Polonius is a staunch Victorian in style and manner ...
Did Polonius just mention Josh? Oh well any excuse for a cartoon, and so to a sampling of Rowe, with more Rowe here …
And so to more of Polonius's fusty, musty, dusty history lesson … because tedium and boredom are the first ingredients of any proper Sunday meditation ...
Why does Polonius insist on dwelling on the past, like a dotard picking at a long-dead daffodil? Well there's three fifths of fuck-all to see in the present …
Ah Josh, Josh … what a winner, and so to the ritual excoriation of the Nine newspapers and the ABC, because ancient enemies are better than none ...
Why is the pond reminded of the Donald talking endlessly about his election win, way back when, and the size of his crowds, and all the rest of the looking back?
But that mention of aspirational Australians deserves a cartoon? Perhaps an infallible Pope?
Never mind, the pond has managed to filibuster its way to a final gobbet of Polonius, who it seems has finally worked out that SloMo won, and there being not much else to talk about, by way of policies or action, best to leave it at that ...
Indeed, indeed, a splendid example of a bore droning on and on about nothing much, and if that doesn't send any punter back to bed this Sunday, allegedly spring, morning nothing will …
But wait a moment, didn't the pond talk of an infallible Pope cartoon celebrating the work, deeds and accomplishments of Josh, Mathias and SloMo for aspirational Australians …
We did, we did, even if there's no link because the pesky paywall renders it useless ...
Yes, there's your aspirations … up in the roof somewhere, perhaps alongside the attic where they stash Polonius after they've let him out for an hour or two, under careful supervision so no harm will come to those who nodded off ...
"Spring might have sprung, at least for those who attach mystical weight to the first day of a month..."
ReplyDeleteNot me, DP, not me; I'm a dedicated solstice/equinox kind of person. Though just maybe, three seasons instead of four makes sense in Australia. Or maybe six ?
https://www.researchgate.net/post/Why_do_Australians_not_acknowledge_that_an_equinox_or_solstice_marks_the_official_start_of_a_season
Saith the Bromancer: "...he [BloJo that is] will upend the zeitgeist and give effect to a people's revolt against the left liberal establishment."
ReplyDeleteIs this the same "people's revolt" that saw the revitalised - revitalised by its continuing opposition to Brexit - Liberal Democrat Party win 500 local council seats just recently ? And to garner 20% of the vote in the EU elections - yes, second to Farage's lot, but well ahead of Labour and the Conservatives.
But not a word of that from our Bromancer, not one single word.
And also: "He [BloJo again] will also maintain the strategic integrity of the Western alliance and the ability of a nation to determine its own destiny."
What absurd tosh. There isn't a single nation on the face of this planet that can unconditionally "determine its own destiny", not even the current giants, America and China - though they'd both do better than the UK. But nations can, unarguably and unilaterally, determine their own descent into collapse and irrelevance, and the UK is busy working hard to finally achieve that end once and for all.
And now we come to the Prattling, Pontificating, Pusillanimous Polonius: "It's just over 100 days since the Coalition's crushing victory over Labor at the federal election in May..."
Crushing ? How deluded is this man ? The Coalition ended up with just one extra seat compared with Turnbull's government, and Labor ended up with one seat less. And that's a "crushing victory" ?
And then: "...John Howard told The Australian's Simon Benson that the parliamentary Liberal Party "is in better shape than it has been since 2007"."
Well, considering that John Howard's Liberals lost 21 seats to Labor back in 2007 (is that "crushing" perchance ?) and Howard even lost his own safe Liberal seat (a feat not repeated until Abbott in 2019, but Howard was actually PM in his "crushing" time), then I guess it wouldn't be real hard for 'the Libbies' to be "in better shape" now than it was then.
But so the first must be last, therefore last, and least important, is Lloydie !
"For anyone worried, even traumatised about Lloydie, relax, Lloydie came good."
Yep, thankfully DP it was just a momentary aberation, and Lloydie quickly resumed his thoughtless, senseless, factless rants yet again. All's well that ends well, eh ?