A rare lunch time break … because … nattering "Ned" and dashing Donners ...

 

The pond gave up lunch-time posting some time ago, but today is too rich, and the morning was lost to other matters, and now time must be made up …

Look at Barners, doing what the reptiles have campaigned for years about, and suddenly muddying the waters - as if somehow a love of coal was a bad thing, when everybody once clapped hands and danced with glee at the sight of coal …

He's only clinging to what his elders and his betters taught him …

And see how the reptiles have published a handy check list of names and faces of politicians no one should vote for at any time. How brave of the reptiles to do the work of GetUp …

Meanwhile, nattering "Ned" was left wringing his hands and sighing at the clouds, and the pond just had to go there …

Say what? Barnaby Joyce agrees with the reptiles on coal, has accepted the lizard Oz on climate science, and now they're blaming him for getting it wrong? 

Will "Ned" punish the miscreant  for being the dumb doofus in the big hat at the back of the class who swallowed what the reptiles, SloMo and the onion muncher were saying? 

If we're talking schisms, then the reptiles must be split, because for years they've blathered on about their deep love of coal, and the wild joy to be found in climate science denialism … and now, when the going gets tough, where are the toughies standing up for Barners, even if he did abandon Tamworth for a town of gowns? 

Poor "Ned" couldn't bear to brood for long, and cut himself short ...

"Naked audacity"? That's what might be said about the reptiles … every story in favour of coal has built to this moment of folly, and the naked audacity is "Ned", doing his ostrich routine about the reptile role in the sordid affair…

Speaking of climate science denialism, one of the pond's favourites, dashing Donners, was also out and about …

There's no clue from that baleful glare - as hideous as the gorgon Medusa's stare, or the one summoned up by Mr Corcoran at Tamworth Primary - that in fact Donners was honoured by the reptiles with a Lobbecke, and so achieved cult status for the day …

What, no Gramsci in the opening par? What happened to the long march?

But the pond did make mention of climate science denialism, and this is how dashing Donners does it …

Yes children, speaking of the theory of evolution, the science is far from settled. Have you thought about intelligent design and creationism? 

As for geography have you taken into account the alternative point of view that the earth is flat and the moon landing was a fake? It's all detailed in a most excellent documentary, Capricorn One … 

As for the theory of relativity, there's far too much relativism attached to it, and remember alternative points of view are the key to any scientific study. Under no circumstances should verifiable, replicable experiments be allowed into the classroom, because it might upset an alternative point of view …though the pond has ideas for replacement courses that might suit any school anywhere where in the world …

Never mind, how did the pond know that short par was the key to Donners' raging piece? 

Well it led off the second gobbet, and thereafter Donners began to meander and dodder and blather about, in his usual way and featuring all his usual talking points, with lefties in a deep conspiracy, and everything rooned, and oh, if only we hadn't lost the Inquisition, and the Index Librorum Prohibitorum, how much better would the science have been these days …

There is of course no point arguing with Donners …or even suggest that ancient Greek and Roman law and political structures, much of it shamelessly purloined by Xians, had a lot to do with the way things turned out …

Rather the pond lays it out like a pagan feast on a Saturnalia day, to be enjoyed by all, whether swallowed in chunks or pecked at or kept in the fridge, and reheated in the microwave whenever someone gets an urge for a surrealist snack…

Once Donners gets going, there's no stopping him, as he froths and foams at the notion that poofters might be normal … when everyone knows they can't be normalised in a sensible world where heaven, hell, holy ghosts, transubstantiation, stigmata and sacred hearts are the normal, weird though that might seem …

And then of course there's postmodern theory and relativism and subjectivism and all the other pet Donners peeves ...

But hang on, if relativism and subjectivism are such a big problem, how did Donners come up with this highly relativist and subjectivist par?

What a bloody relativist … why next he'll be explaining how there are alternative lifestyles, communities and beliefs out there, and they should be let into the classroom, and where would Catholicism be then ?

Some days the pond senses that Donners has something of the paranoid persecution complex of the Donald …

The only question left is who to blame for this state of affairs, and reptile Fergo knew Malware had to be in the mix …

Poor Malware. He's rooned everything. Isn't it always the same? The innocent cop the blame ...

Well blameless apart from the NBN perhaps, and sundry other crimes, but  meanwhile, look how poor Fergo wrung his paws and sobbed at the clouds …

Panic in the streets? Lordy, lordy, is the pond glad it no longer lives in Toorak. The chances of being crushed by a wayward panicking Roller must be skyrocketing …

Naturally the immortal Rowe has a calming cartoon to hand to settle reptile nerves, and sort out family tensions over a hearty meal of coal … though the pond isn't certain who is putting lipstick on what …and as usual, there's more indecision and revision here ...