In which the pond is distracted until a rolling Stone arrives to shout at clouds and climate science ...

 

The pond usually thinks of Malware mid-morning, when the broadband drops out for a little while … a ritual that poses a threat if the pond has been working online and failed to save its work every thirty seconds or so …

But the pond also thinks of Malware on a daily basis thanks to the lizards of Oz, though it can already count a number of digital fish and chip wrappings it's managed to avoid …

By golly when Malware sticks his fancy cane into the reptile nest, what an agitation there is … with Barners gone full paranoid, and wild-eyed talk yesterday of a "dud" candidate …

So what happened?

What do you know, ScoMo rolled, an allegedly a dud candidate, and petulant Peta in fractious, sour, sulky, snappish mode on the front digital page this day…

ScoMo rolled, the mutton Dutton agitated … and Malware sounding pleased …

….but at least the pond was saved reading the dog botherer, bizarrely pandering to Malware …

Um, why was the dog botherer so keen to get rid of Malware, him and the broadband man being at one with allegedly dud candidates?

Even better, it turned out that the pond's favourite cartoonists were thinking alike, with more Rowe here …

But before getting on to the infallible Pope, the pond must honour its mission statement … 

Somewhere in the lizard Oz surely, there's an angry old man shouting at clouds or anguished about Western Civilisation, and showing exemplary understanding of climate science …

Eureka, but what an anguished choice… until the pond noticed the illustration accompanying the "throw many stones" man …

A Lobbecke! The rolling stone had been blessed with the cult status of a Lobbecke … and the blessed Lobbecke had designed his image to suit a phone. Say no more ...

Around this point, the pond began to wonder about the commissioning process in the lizard Oz.

Did the reptiles ring up the Stone, and say "um John, we've got the daily slot available … you know, a rant about Paris and climate science and such like. Do you think you could rustle up some words for Friday? Keep it under a thousand?"

Or did the rolling Stone ring up the commissioning editor and say "um, hi, have you got a slot available … I feel like ranting about Paris and climate and such like, and could rustle up a handsome, reasonably short set of words shouting at said clouds by Friday …"

Do they get into qualifications? You know, like, "what do you actually know of climate science?" What happens if the response is "actually sweet fuck all, but that's never stopped me in the past"? 

Does the reptile dance with joy, "sounds like you're a tad over-qualified for a shouting at clouds rant in the lizard Oz!"

And so the rolling Stone kept on rolling … and please allow the pond to be blunt, anyone who says "let's be blunt", is likely to be one of the duller knives in the kitchen drawer ...

Now by this stage, the pond almost feels guilty, since the rolling Stone represents the sort of grotesque caricature that the pond had imagined even the reptiles had abandoned, or left to the Speccie mob for a Friday …

Who on earth imagines that the retort that carbon dioxide is the source of all life on our planet constitutes (a) a definition of the many sources of life on our planet - what, the sun gets no credit?, or (b) a meaningful insight into climate science.

Yes, we're beyond the valley of the full-blown stupid, in yet another stunning example of lizard Oz climate science denialism, one the reptiles even thought worthy of the cult status of a Lobbecke …

How full blown shouting at clouds does it get? 

Well when you get someone stomping their foot and fulminating at "all the global warming nonsense", you're not very far from "bloody young folk and all their tom-fool nonsense …"

The pond yearned for "flibbertigibbet" or "chatterbox" or "blabbermouth" or "cockamamy" ...

Yes, appeal to the luddite dinosaur, or the world will be ruined ...

Meanwhile, on another part of the planet, there was the Pope at one with Rowe, while catching a scene in New York, with more omniscient papal insights here …