In which the pond has to choose between white plumbers and Aristotle ...

The pond was distraught, bereft, its Tuesday rent asunder by the absence of the quarry whisperer … 

Oh sure, there were other distractions, but in the hunt for clues for top reptile product for the carefully curated pond, why not rely on the cult status of a Krygsman as a guide?

How foolish of the pond, what a sucker, what a sap, what an all-day lolly …Krygsman's benediction, his holy blessing, was just for barking mad Adam, indulging in one of his usual rants, with tertiary education this time the target ...

Then came various examples, but the pond felt the need to cut to the chase and the Creighton conclusion …

And why did the pond want to cut Adam's rant a little short?

Well thanks to an actual hard copy of the lizard Oz coming in from the Qantas lounge, the pond was reminded that the Ramsay Centre hadn't gone away …

It would need a little back-tracking to get to the goods, to the "lolly", so to speak The Ladykillers argot, 

But Adam had noted the urgent need for white plumbers in country, so the pond thought it might be worth tracking what's been going down in la la reptile and Sydney Uni land …

First came this story from one of the reptiles most loved by pond readers, the venerable Luke…

The pond could feel reptile hearts fluttering with joy … a draft memorandum, a chance for more white plumbers ...

But wait, this is a long haul and our man Luke is on the job, so the next day came this EXCLUSIVE update about the prospects for more white plumbers ...

Won't be a definitive 'yes'? 

Well that seems to be a bit of a fudge… could that make the prospect of more white plumbers hang in the balance? Could the reptiles sell more newspapers arguing about white civilisation for another year? Remember the dire threat that Waleed Ali posed to the AFL … this issue will never go away ...

And of course, it almost goes without saying, career options for more white plumbers as a bastion of White Western Civilisation …

Now around this point, only stayers will be wondering if the pond made the right choice with Adam and Luke, and might not have been better, say, using a Kudelka as a guide to reptile reading ...

But that's actually just a little insert to appease the weaklings in base camp, because Luke was just getting started, doing a remarkable bit of forelock-tugging and supine worship in the hope of dragging Spence and Sydney University across the line ...

On and on Luke rambled, drooling at the prospects for improving the lot for white plumbers, filling the piece with atmosphere and Tudor touches and even a Nolan, speaking of AWOL war deserters, as the pond likes to do ...

But does the draft memorandum mention more white plumbers? The pond would be bitterly hurt, and so possibly would Adam Creighton, if the fate of white plumbers wasn't considered while stitching up a secret deal...

Ah, America. Perhaps the pond should have just stuck with Kudelka ...

Okay, that's just a cheap device, because there's gobbets to go. 

You don't pander to the academic and tickle the trout and hope to beguile and induce, without spending a lot of words ...

And around this time, the pond did begin to wonder what the fuss was all about.

It seemed white plumbers already had the chance to become the bastions of White Western Civilisation, as they fixed the U-bend with a dash of Aristotle ...

So where's the problem? What's the need for more, unless you happen to think you're on a mission from god or perhaps Cecil Rhodes?

Perhaps the businessman was confused because the Sydney university website hasn't fixed its certificates, like so many universities - perhaps like the pond's website they need some good white nerds trained on Aristotle - good luck finding them in India or China - but not to worry, there's only a couple of Luke gobbets to go …

So to a bit of knob-polishing and profiling, because you never know, it might just help turn the Oxford don's head, and remember, lordy lordy do those white plumbers and intertubes nerds yearn for their Aristotle ...

Around the point of the Derrida, the pond couldn't stand it anymore, seeing how Luke works for the man who runs Fox News which worships at the door of the Donald and so makes talk of truth simply bizarre, and so the pond had to reach for a cartoon or three …

Derrida? Eat your Fox heart out Luke. The best thing for truth in these post-modern times wouldn't be a course in Aristotle, it'd be the collapse of Chairman Rupert's empire …

And now, please, be merciful, put the pond out of its misery with a final gobbet ...

Dearie me, and how to put it politely? What a doofus, what a fuckwit. What's all this blather about Western civilisation?

Will Plato make the trains run on time, will Aristotle keep the white plumbers in work?

Does the Spence have the first clue what he's dealing with?

Did he hearken to the cry of the Adam, will he heed the Adam call?

You see, Adam represents the real face of the reptiles when it comes to tertiary education …

Here's a good guide to silly grants from estates fancying that they're the new Cecil Rhodes intent on saving Western Civilisation and the AFL from Waleed Ali ...

Think of the white plumbers, Prof Spence, think of the plumbers, and pay no heed to Luke's insidious flattery ...

And with that, and a couple of cartoons, the pond is done, and might not read a smidgin of Aristotle for a couple of weeks as it endures these Foxian, Murdochian post-truthian times ...