In which the pond shares quality time with a Major parrot ...

 

Shorten crashes back to earth? Commanding lead? 

For a nanosecond the pond thought the Bensonite was announcing a shock 50/50 or perhaps even 51/49 swing to Malware … but then the pond came crashing back to earth with the realisation it was just the playful reptiles playing their usual tricks …

The good old popularity routine, a favourite reptile retreat in difficult times, though the pond recollects that nobody much liked Malcolm Fraser, especially after the way he behaved in the coup, and yet he still got voted in ...

The sad truth was tucked away in the Bensonite heiling of the glorious dominance of Malware, with not a mutter  about the reason Malware offered for taking out the onion muncher after 30 losing efforts …

The poll of 1704 voters nationally conducted across city and country areas between Thursday and yesterday is the 37th consecutive Newspoll in which the ­Coalition has trailed Labor on a two-party-preferred vote.

37! Can he try for 40?

The world of social media would reveal the heartbreaking truth the reptiles were desperately trying to avoid …

  

Everybody loves the reptiles when they play these games … and the normally inert reptile twitter account saw delighted punters celebrate the reptile art of polling ...

And it didn't take long for assorted explanations to be trotted out ...

 

Yes, it wasn't long before the need for "real people" gave way to favourite reptile conspiracy theories …

By golly, after seeing all this spin, the pond was primed for some major spin by the climate scientist Major, reliably lurking in the reptile ranks for a Monday treat …

Of course the Major has struggled with climate science truths - he's a consummate group thinker - but on the days when he's not questing for that still missing Order of Lenin medal, he's always on hand to explain the folly of climate scientists who waste their time out in the field, or scribbling peer-reviewed studies ...

Reptile lovers gasped with awe at the scientific precision of "climate change hysteria" … though the rest of the routine did make the pond wonder what would happen when the reptiles no longer had Fairfax to kick around ...

There is, of course, no point debating climate science with the Major, who flaps his hands wildly on the matter whenever it pops up, and who routinely kneels abjectly in his climate science temple to his great god, dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …

Meanwhile, on another planet …

Those alternative realities are easily googled, but why waste time with reality when there's reptile delusions on parade?

The real pleasure is picking which is the most piquant form of the Major's worship. Is it quoting eminent climate scientist Terry McCrann, or is it regurgitating the Lomborg kool aid that infests the water coolers at the inner suburban Surry Hills 'leet lizard Oz, only a stone's throw away from the world's most preeminent baristas …or is it that poignant neo-Marxist aside deploring the way that journalists side with the wealthy and merchant bankers …?

Sorry, the pond deeply apologises to the Major. 

It has no idea how that complete tool, Malware, that former merchant banker, somehow returned to create mayhem for the Major's conspiracy theory, up there with his hunt for the Order of Lenin medal …

Go Lomborg go … we must invest in new green technologies, excluding of course any current green technologies ...

The pond frequently compares the Major to a parrot … but after seeing the Major parrot Lomborg in such fine style, who could object?

By golly, the comparison is exact, except for the way that intelligence seems to lurk in the eyes of that galah ...

And so to the Rowe for today, with more Rowe here, and luckily it returns the pond to where it started, with windmills, coal stacks, a cheeky rooster and a lurking onion muncher ...