Day 34, and some more of the same old same old back to the future with the dog botherer ...

Now it will not come as any surprise to be reminded that the reptiles love the Sabbath and their day of rest.

So to freshen up the front page, they started out the day doing more of the same that they did yesterday ...

Yes, the litany of onion-muching mistakes was still top of the page (and for some strange reason, the pond's own litany list has gone off like a rocket ... could there actually be human beans who read the onion muncher?)

Anyhoo, reptiles smarten up. In this innovative agile age, the top of the page should change each day. The notion of a six day week is ... well, it's positively anti-Rupert (though he's still in such a fornicating frenzy, he's abandoned tweeting instructions to the troops).

It's not quite public beta five day a week Crikey, reptiles, but it's uncomfortably close.

Never mind, if the reptiles can slack off and recycle yesterday's pages in the way Tamworth dogs like to do after a good munching on grass, the pond can go back to the future to look at the wise advice handed out by the dog botherer not so long ago...

Oh dear, more of the same old same old routine, let there be tough guys and let there be munchers who chew through onions the way that Hillary eats hot sauce and chili peppers (does that make her even tougher?)

Why, in reading it, did the pond suspect it was a barely disguised job application?

Dog's do? 

Now these contortions are admirable. There are marshmallows and wimps everywhere, and these are fatal, even though it just so happens that Turnbull's positions are, "it must be said... in synch with most voters."

The pond never makes this stuff up. That's why we present little gobbets as concrete evidence. How else to read about dinner parties, the approval of RN and the bias of the press gallery?

And at the end, the need for a warrior.

Now it was the Bolter who proposed that Malware needed a dominating Peta, but you can't expect that line from the dog botherer.

He wants a man with a whip, a manly man to go with the cartload of withering contempt ... because contempt's the only way to get ahead in politics...

That's it? Back to the Future IV, even though Back to the Future III was a total dog? 

Well maybe not at the box office, but as Vincent Canby said, it was so sugary sweet it was instantly forgettable.

Is that the best model for a dog botherer who purports to hate the middle ground, and wants hate, fear and loathing at the centre of the campaign?

The pond felt deeply confused but it's probably what the dog botherer wants. A

 kind of mind zap of the sort featured in the Men in Black franchise, which will sweep from living memory the litany of Abbott failings - now publicly confessed in proper Maoist style with self-criticism and correcting mistakes in the party - so that we can all live through more of the same ... the fear and the hate and the loathing and the nattering negativity ... and then any attempt to be moderate, sensible and centred can be dismissed as marshmallow wimpiness.

It's the hard man of history theory ... which explains why the likes of the dog botherer will fall for ratbags every day of the week. The onion muncher here, while in the good old US they're lining up for teh Donald there. And in the UK, that perfect fop Boris, imagines he's a pedal-power warrior of the first water.

But if the dog botherer wants a sergeant-at-arms role, why not go off and join a bikie gang?

They know how to do the tough guy routine ... (though noting the dog botherer's shape, a course in physical fitness wouldn't hurt either ...)

Meanwhile, the correspondent who drew the pond's attention to Tom Switzer and his devotion to the onion muncher coincidentally provided the pond with a splendid image.

For many a day, the pond never knew that this was the hero image for Switzer's personal site.

We didn't locate the interview with Tony Abbott, but now the pond's life is complete ... and all at once we knew who the dog botherer was talking about.

A visionary, a man for our times, a sergeant-at-arms valiantly standing guard at the heads of Sydney in case the Russians finally make it here ... surely he's the one to guide Malware home ...