Day 12, and a splendid victory suggests a majestic budget triumph and DD are just around the corner ...

It took time for the reptiles to upgrade their take on recent proceedings in the circus to "state brutes doing down a noble plan", while over at Fairfax headlines had been upgraded from mere humiliation to 'Utter humiliation': Turnbull given a lesson (with forced video), and there was talk of Kevin Turnbull with Hartcher doing a listicle (sob, no magic water man to do them these days...

Yes, the reptiles faced a busy day, with much to do ...

Ah, look, the redemption of Mark Latham continues ... he's a Terrorist triumph don't ya know, and there must be synergies ...

And in the same Lathamite spirit, the reptiles offered a clown from The Times, sagely explaining that it was all the fault of a woman, or perhaps a model woman, or a woman model, or worst of all, a lady model, or a model lady, because ... well because Rhys Blakely is the sort of gentleman who wants to demonstrated why The Times is best left out of the conversation ...

Who knew it was all the fault of a lady?

And lo, this day, the senior broadsheet reptiles welcomed a wayward Terrorist into their fold ...

Well there must be synergies in this agile pivoting age ...

And as it gets harder to pick between the farmers and the pigs, Kevin Donnelly was also on hand to brighten the pond's day.

It seems that Kevin has come up with the revolutionary idea that those who control a school system should pay for it.

As a result, it seems Kevin has used the reptile platform to urgently demand that all religious schools, busy indoctrinating students into delusional belief, should pay for it out of church funds or parental subsidy and leave taxpayers alone ...

Oh dear, sorry about that, it didn't say those in control of private schools should be financially responsible for them, it didn't say that at all ...

The pond seems to have garbled the Donnelly message, a routine occurrence when trying to run Kevin through the brain but with no Laxian key to hand ... (now there's an obscure sci fi joke strictly for Robert Sheckley lovers).

But at least Kev brings us back to the subject at hand and the tortured confusion that sprays across the reptile pages this day ...

There's the petulant oscillating fan stomping his foot ...

Coulda, woulda, shoulda ...

And there's the bouffant one not doing the shoulda, but instead tearing at his luxuriant locks ...

Is there any hero who can step forward and explain how this wasn't a snatching of defeat from the jaws of victory, but rather a heroic winning of a victory when confronted by the jaws of defeat?

Sharp eyed punters will have recognised one already - the prolix pontificator, on standby for yet another epic pontification, so without further ado, let us see how Malware can be redeemed by someone who makes Polonius sound like a rank amateur ...

There you go, a most precious defeat, with "extra electoral dividend" ... and that's how a prolix pontificator  can help a prat feel he's just done an epic win-win ...(why next we'll get on to matricide by the fifth act if we're lucky).

Of course it turns out that it's all the fault of Julia Gillard ...bloody women. First Trump now all this policy confusion. Lordy, lordy, does she cast a long, long shadow ...

Yes, yes, there were a few minor problems in the thought bubble, but please, at this point, you must remember it's all the fault of Julia Gillard ...

Now the pond knows where the pompous blowhard is coming from.

The pond knows for a fact that Julia Gillard forced the hapless Liberal party to go to the electorate and promise all sorts of foolish things.

In fact, the pond is working on uncovering the evidence that will show Gillard actually manufactured these signs and circulated them to the Liberal faithful ...

What's more the pond understands that Gillard treated certain Liberals like sock puppets of the Triumph the insult comic dog kind ... and forced them to mouth empty platitudes by moving their lips while speaking into the sock ...

Poor hapless poodle, poor tortured wall puncher.

How Gillard made them say these things remains a mystery, though the pond suspects it was the after effects of the deadly poison of the Bandar people that led them to turn up at the ABC's fact check unit here ...

Never mind, the pond is in the grip of an interminable bore, and as at certain dinner parties, there is no escaping the onerous duty of listening to the senile old uncle rabbit on ... and on ...

By golly, hire that man to build a rocket ... you don't say they'd have the discretion to increase their tax rates, and that at the same time there'd be no increase in tax rates?

Please, do go on, but can we rap it all up sometime before the twelfth of never ...

And there, that's how you achieve a Black Knight victory in federal politics.

Publicly chop off all the limbs of prepared, reasoned, argument, delivered with preparation and paperwork, and watch a ponderous bloated bore sagely advise how it was actually a triumphant learning lesson ...

Meanwhile, on another planet ... the reptiles took consolation from the mess because it re-asserted them at the centre of the political universe ...

Yes, its another victory for an eminently sensible strategy.

Announce your policy notions through the reptiles and all will be well throughout the land, and everyone will be in furious agreement that you have snatched a magnificent victory from the jaws of defeat.

How did that get in here? It should have read ...

You see, it wasn't just the prolix pontificator who was sensing a glorious victory.

The reptilian Oz editorialist also faithfully regurgitated this line ...

The pond has noted for a long time that the reptile editorialist reads the lizard commentariat, who are work with the reptile editorialist to produce a world view that is diamantine flawless ...

You see? Malware's taught the states a savage lesson, the states have done him a political favour, everything is for the best in Chance's garden ...

Now there's any number of comic lines to behold in all that blather about healthier lifestyles and providing funding so old folk can stay out of hospital, and adopting a carrot and stick approach, because the reptiles just love an interfering government explaining what's best for you.

Here's what you'll read every other day of the week in the lizard Oz ...

Enough already. You can google the rest of the Caterist blather, mocking the imagined crisis the reptile editorialist has just imagined, and mocking any attempt by government to do something about it. The pond was particularly moved by the news just landing that One in five adults may be obese by 2025: survey warns.

And that, fellow dinkums, or in Times' speak, fellow ladies and gentlemen, is how you end up with a Trump. Not because of a lady but because of the immense stupidity of reptiles everywhere ...

But like sugar treats, all good things must come to an end, even astonishment at the way reptiles fill in their days with mind-numbing, tedious and confused discourse.

The pond appreciates the solitary company of the single reader that made it to this point. When we head off to discover the mystical walri of the Antarctic south, dear brave reader, we would love to have you as company ... in the meantime, all the pond can offer in recompense is a Pope cartoon, and more splendidly papal insights here.