What to do with a Caterist parody that's beyond parody? Celebrate the return of the cartoonists ...

Thank the long absent lord, the pond's preferred papist is back with a papal bull and you can find more at the official registrum bullarum here.

However, it seems we must begin this day talking about the talking points rather than talk about the talking points, as the talking points went for a leak and took their subtle use of Photoshop with them...

Yep, the talking points are all here, though why they bothered is a mystery. 

Why not just make it official that Jay Weatherill is actually a covert member of the Liberal party, a talking point stooge in search of a conversation, always ready to talk to the talking point that a regressive tax on the poor and the hapless is the way forward?

Weatherill is one of those useful tools, obliging fools, the minor premier of a minor state, doing his very best to sound like Mike Baird ... who wants to turn over the GST to companies, because, you know, News Corp is doing it really tough ...

Please stay in the shallow end of the pool Mr Weatherill. It's where you belong ... a man who can produce sympathy in the pond for Stephen Conroy is by definition deeply sick and disturbed ...

But enough of issues of the day, and Obama desperately courting Tony Abbott to gain a little sunshine and a boost to his pathetic polling ...

Ah yes, the splendid reptiles doing yet another call to arms, a reminder that the pond's primary duty is to  pursue the sublime irrelevance of the commentariat ...

Not for it the joy of contemplating Daily Terror journalism at its finest. Waiter, the egg beater if you please ...

Oh that wall puncher, what a strong wall puncher he was.

Yes, the flappers are heating up in the Lodge today, and thank the long absent lord, Tony Abbott has stayed true to his promise not to snipe, white ant, grandstand or in any undermine. And if you believe that, the pond has a way to increase the GST without any pain to the poor? Interested? Just call Jay, he'll do you a deal ...

Get thee behind the pond Satan, such pleasures aren't for the pond, even if the Terror holds special fruits, rich enchantments, delicious temptations ...

Oh you wicked cultural 'leets, indulging in your wretched culture wars, when what's needed is direct action! Break a taxi driver's arm today and you'll feel better in your soul for having done something good... Then break another tomorrow, and the pond guarantees the world will be a happier and better place.

All the same, how poignant is that sight? Peter Costello, old irrelevant angry white male shouting at clouds and the Australian of the year, sitting plump cheek to well-fed jowel right alongside Mark Latham, bully boy, shouting at his own specially chosen clouds ...

Eyes averted, the pond scuttled off to the lizard of Oz for some of the guaranteed old reliable, and sure enough, the rag was doing the Lindy hop or the Charleston like a flapper, or perhaps jitterbugging like a bobby soxer in the Lodge ...

Who else but the chief stenographer would fling "anti-Semitism" around in such an exceptionally fine way? What with negotiations and dialogue having produced such fine results to date, the pond has to thank the stenographer for solving what ails Israel ... Sssh, don't mention Netanyahu ... that'd be anti-Semitic ...

And how right and proper of Dame Groan to point out that 0% tax for News Corp is a justified deduction ...

Oh well maybe she didn't phrase it quite that way, but the pond catches the drift. 

None of this will matter to pond devotees, because today is Caterist day, and the Caterist has produced yet another unnerving example of how the hive mind works ...

Now the pond has already noted Costello's bold thrust at the clouds ...

But when the bees get buzzing in the hive, they all pile on ...

The pond particularly liked the thrust of Billy Bunter, the fat owl of the remove, who when not throwing custard tarts in the tuckshop, prefers to be known as the liney line Akker Dakker ...

Such a petulant, vicious snark.

But back to the Caterist, because he wins the pond award for the day. None of the others had the common sense to link the ABC with Australia Day, and therefore they all missed a coup ...

It takes a dullard Caterist to show the confederacy of dunces how it's done ...

You see, you see? The man's a visionary, and tremendously agile, and he threw in a bonus "zeitgeist", the favourite word of the reptile commentariat this year ... because the ABC and the Australia Day Council are as one. 

Like pea minds in the pod. Unlike the pea minds of the Caterists which no pod can contain. Run wild, run free with fervid imaginings, Caterist pea.

It reminded the pond of an old joke. What's the difference between fuelling a jet engine and taxpayers funding a Caterist Menzies research institute? The Caterists' whining gets louder when it bleats away in the lizard Oz ...

But the Caterists make a good point. The Australian, as a broadsheet newspaper, was born way back on the 14th July 1964. By any count, that makes it a doddering, senile rag which has already turned fifty. Talk about an excellent candidate for retirement. 

Its tired format of most elderly angry white males shouting at clouds was invented in the days when Ming the Merciless ruled the roost, and the rag boasted of an alternative vision. Well with that alternative vision done and dusted and dudded, and the Caterists now celebrating the Menzies thingie like an Movietone newsreel, it surely is time to move on...

Hang on, Movietone?

Yes, typically the Caterists mention Movietone, controlled by the Fox invader, rather than dinkum Ken G. Hall's alternative from Cinesound, with legit, bonus, dinkum 'roo ... and the feud celebrated in Phil Noyce's Newsfront ...

Oh okay, reading the Caterists is such a dull and tedious chore, the pond will use the scribbling as a springboard to jump into any nearby pool ...

Hey nonny no, back we go ... have you suited up with your feigned outrage and supercilious, sardonic, Ming the merciless sneer?

Indeed, indeed. There's a wondrous vision embedded in that last sentence ... at the stroke of a pen or perhaps the click of a mouse or a tap on a keyboard, re-categorisation has been consummated, and tens of thousands of Australians have been re-categorised from unemployable to simply unemployed.

"Simply unemployed".

The simple unemployed simpletons...

How simple is that?

And so the problem of the simply unemployed is simply solved in a very simple and agile way!

No doubt the Caterists could also help Mussolini in making the trains run on time. Just redefine what running late means. Oh wait, they've already done that with Sydney Buses, formerly known as Sydney Trains, which sometimes operate when buses aren't available ...

But again the pond digresses from the Caterist spleen, splendid though it is ...

Let us return to the splenetic ...

Indeed, indeed. It's shocking that they talked to a German MP, when they really should have rung up the Caterists for a much more informed, on the spot, on the ground report ... because what would a useless German MP know up against a well-informed Caterist?

But what's really astonishing is that the shameless, shocking program should devote its time to things like droughts, floods and bushfires ...

Why that and the endless blather about the weather is just an excuse for climate change catastrophism.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the way people might actually be interested in the droughts, floods and bushfires that sometimes ravage the landscape.

What an astonishing betrayal of priorities. Please ABC, henceforth, no mention of bushfires, droughts and floods. Instead the pond would much prefer some idle chatter about Sherry's coffee shop, and if you must, an analysis of the Jewel Box and its impact on the thinking of Akker Dakker ...

By this point, any fair minded reader would think that the Caterists couldn't come up with a topper to the notion that talk of weather events is actually a dangerous climate science conspiracy, and it's true that the last few pars peter out, but troopers must troup, and so we troop on ...

Indeed, indeed, and it must be added that the Boston Globe's shocking and relentless crusade against the Catholic church, linked in an international conspiracy with the ABC - uncovered only here at the pond thanks to the Caterist - is just one more example of the zealotry doing the rounds ...

Thankfully the pond recently watched Spotlight and became aware of the way that the Gobe had joined the ABC in conducting a vendetta ... apparently it's the same degree of zealotry that led the Irish to conduct the Ryan Commission ... and set the local one running too ...

Who could have imagined that the zealots at the ABC could, with their international conspiracy, do so much wilful damage to the Catholic church?

No, no, no, it's got nothing to do with the newsworthy behaviour of members of the Church.

An alternative theory - that the Caterists are barking mad loons howling at the moon - can be dismissed out of hand with the contempt it deserves ...

Because who else would manage to conclude in those final few pars that somehow the Australia Day Council is now the ABC in disguise ...

Paranoia, moi?

What do you do with a parody which is so parodic it defies parody?

Why you simply turn to First Dog with a huzzah ... and nominate the Caterists as worthy of a cartoon ...

The full cartoon is here and huzzah, another favourite, David Rowe, is back, so that the two Davids might once again draw in harmony ...

All is forgiven, you holydaying wretches, but don't let it happen again.

More Rowe here, but meanwhile, the Caterist tennis balls still flop around on the deserted court, the sound making a dull echo in the reptile stands ...