Tuesday, March 28, 2023

In which the pond saves the Amazon yet again with Lloydie, celebrates Xian fundamentalist bigotry with the bromancer, and deplores pesky difficult furriners with a good Groaning, and yet some will still say they're not entertained ...


The pond doesn't like to highlight tweets, especially not since Uncle Elon took over, and almost never features Rowan Dean - how short is life?, how precious is time that you can never get back? - but rules are made to be broken, and just this once, the pond found this ranting irresistible, as the rant did the rounds, became a meme and was celebrated around the state ...


 



The pond wants the reality that man is drinking ... it sounds like a sweet and potent elixir ... but then all the reptiles have their own special and intoxicating brew, and so it's on with Tuesday's tasting session ... and as usual the pond has to spend as much time ruling things out as in ...







Polonius prattling on about the ABC on a Tuesday? 

Will the obsessive compulsive monomania never wear itself out? Sorry, only on a meditative Sunday, and as for the bouffant one blathering about Labor's confusion and chaos, the pond was deeply moved by a correspondent noting an item in The Shovel ...






The pond has to resist the many temptations offered by The Shovel ... they're trying to make a living, and it's only when they stray into herpetological studies that the temptation becomes irresistible. 

The copy was pretty good too ...

The Australian releases updated political map of nation
“Only the small island above Tasmania now has a Labor government, meaning its wall-to-wall blue everywhere else,” the paper’s editorial read.
It said the map represented a shift in voter sentiment and a sign of problems to come for the Labor Prime Minister. “The alarm bells really should be ringing for Anthony Albanese now that every state and territory except Western Australia, South Australia, Victoria, New South Wales, Queensland, ACT and the Northern Territory is run by the Coalition”.
Columnist Chris Kenney said the NSW election showed that voters had shifted away from Labor. “You won’t see a more decisive map than this – by far the largest part is blue when you increase the size of Tasmania twelve-fold. This is a very clear signal that Australians want more right-wing governments. I wouldn’t want to be Labor right now”.

And the logic was unassailable ...

We rely on people just like you to keep this ridiculous thing going. From just $3 a month you can become a Shovel member. Subscriptions to other satirical websites like 'The Australian' cost WAY more.

Well yes, WAY more, and that's just the monetary cost, not to take into account the spiritual and the mental ...

Speaking of that expensive satirical nonsense, this was the snap at the top of the digital page ...





Some wag decided that a stormy day in Sydney was inordinately funny, and so it was top of the tree killer edition too ...






Keen eyes will note that Lloydie of the Amazon rode in on the stormy greenies angle and so he scores first dibs this day in the pond ...





The pond's not sure why it bothered, and immediately felt compelled to cut down to size a snap inserted showing worried politicians huddled together ...







Meanwhile in another part of the lizard Oz came the standard pandering to fossilised feuls ...







That's as much of that as the pond could stand. "This is not just rhetoric" didn't quite seem to fit as well as "This is just the usual bullshit", and if it wanted more of the usual reptile bullshit, why the man who set out to save the Amazon is as good as anyone as a dedicated supplier ...







A man who can offer the astonishing insight, "Clearly, coal and gas are the targets", is the reason the pond gets out of bed each day, though it has to be noted that Lloydie is getting shorter and shorter in his pieces ... he needs to take a lesson from the eternally harping and carping Polonius, who can go on endlessly ...





Ah the suffering of dinkum, sweet, innocent, virginal Oz coal. Will the persecution never end? Will the reptiles carry on until the planet is comprehensively fucked? Sorry, those are just rhetorical questions, with obvious answers ...

And so to the bromancer, lurking at the top of the digital page when the bleary-eyed pond lurched to the key board. 

On any given day, the bromancer is routinely offensive, but hats off, today he managed to be profoundly offensive ...








The bromancer might have noticed this unholy coupling yesterday, and the profound cynicism laid bare by simplistic "here no conflict of interest" Simon's report ...







A by election is more important than a principled stand? Well of course, it's the mutton Dutton, not in any way better than that tired onion munching irrelevance that the reptiles keep dragging out of the cupboard and checking for moths ...

But all that's just an eye opener, because this was where the bromancer started to get truly offensive ...






Not identity politics again. Will there ever be and end to the ranting and the railing? Especially not the boring bullshit where the bromancer pretends to be an Xian, only so he can preach his patented brand of white civilisation white nation bigotry.

The pond realises where this has led the reptiles in the past, and occasionally they experience buyer's remorse...









But if the reptiles are batshit crazy on a daily basis, what about the croweaters? 

Well the reptiles have a certain rat cunning, so they sent out a local loon to explain that talk of a voice wasn't going to be the end of the world in the distant west ...








Back to the bromancer, and the end of the world as we know it, and what do you know, suddenly he's talking of a modest proposal, which the pond guesses means eating children on a Sunday might be permissible ... (well his tribe of cannibals does routinely eat human flesh and sup on human blood) ...






What the fuck is it with the lizard Oz reptiles and their obsession with New Zelund? The pond thought it might have quietened down once Jacinda left the scene, but if anything it's got worse ...

Is there an irony in a Catholic - coming from an institution that legitimised the bashing of minorities and the rights of women and still carries on that way - blathering on about identity politics without a shred of self-awareness? 

Sorry, that's just a rhetorical question, and the bromancer constantly provides an answer ...





What an appalling human bean he is, but that blather about being radically less successful in welcoming migrants provided a natural cue to the pond's final serve ... a standard dose of Groaning about dreadful furriners coming to this land to ruin everything ...






The pond has heard it all before, and sometimes wonders why Dame Groan always gets agitated about furriners.

Did some smooth talking European lead her astray long ago?

That's almost impossible to imagine.

Whatever, while the pond will put up with the groaning for the sake of cultists, damned if it will be bothered with reptile illustrations, inserted to evoke panic, fear and loathing ...








What a terrifying sight, how much better if you shrink it, like the kids, and now let the groaning proceed unencumbered ...







Oh the pond had to let that one stand. Sweet young things, and all around them oppressive furriners ruining their day, and only the Groaner to hand to stick up for them ...





The pond realises that the Groaner has been berating big Australia carpetbaggers for a long time, and is resolutely against growth, and perhaps is tempted by the idea that we should return to 1950s Australia and a serve of decently priced lamb chops and three veggies, but still wonders why the Groaner is so driven by a fear and loathing of pesky, difficult furriners. It feels somehow Freudian, more deeply personal than economics ...

Or was it this letter that enraged her, and she's been brooding about ever since ...







What a hoot, that was back in 2006 ... and yet still the Groaner rails at those bloody furriners, though this time she's at last run out of puff ...







Oh come on, be fair, in Dame Groan's world, we never want migrant intakes to be running at any level at any time ...

And so to the immortal Rowe of the day, picking up where Lloydie of the Amazon left off ...








And so to a note for a correspondent which benefits from being visual. 

One of the most pleasurable moments in the pond's life came with that cartoon. Not being a twitterer, the pond couldn't respond on site, but still treasures the memory ...







The pond can't remember the reason the infallible Pope offered his best ... perhaps it was the time of the heart attack, perhaps the pond had been locked out by the reptiles, as they're wont to do, but the pond still dines out on it - a message from the infallible Pope himself, only one step away from the long absent lord herself - and as always, it's in the details ...









13 comments:

  1. Looking at The Australlians masthead It seems secretly that this is the result they wanted

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  2. What exactly is the Bro’s role at the Lizard Oz? I was under the assumption that his turf was Foreign Affairs and Defence (ie, blathering on about China and creaming himself over military hardware purchases). When the mood takes him though he seems free to give vent to a spray of bigotry, all justified by Christianity and “Western Values”. It’s not as though the Murdoch media is actually short on Catholic bigots. Still, I suppose that justifying opposition to the Voice on the grounds that we’re all God’s children, and presumably those uppity blacks should just await their Heavenly reward rather than seeking justice in this world, has a certain novelty to it.

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    Replies
    1. The Voice. God, he writes about it all!

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    2. Yes, I've thought the same thing. Maybe he's planning another book or felt the need to support brother Abbott. Still, his claim that this is an "awful referendum" as though the public voting on the constitution is a bad thing just goes to show that his book "God is good for you" is proven wrong and his other book "When we were young and foolish" is also shown to be misdirected as Greg invariably shows that one can be old and foolish, too.

      As an aside, the titles of the two books are somewhat longer, but then Sheridan does go on.

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  3. Well, speaking as the son of an immigrant (though he was only 3yo at the time) I do have to raise the thought that it's actually a fair question to ask: if the whole Covid thing, amongst others, has seriously affected the rate of 'housing' construction, where will those 350,000 - 400,000 people (not 'immigrants', just people) live ? And will they all speak English well enough, and have sufficient certified skills, to be able to get jobs that are well enough paid for them to be able to pay the rent if/when they can find somewhere ?

    However, in the meantime there may be hope:
    "Population likely to peak sooner and lower than expected with beneficial results – but environment is priority"
    World ‘population bomb’ may never go off as feared, finds study
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/mar/27/world-population-bomb-may-never-go-off-as-feared-finds-study

    On the other hand:
    A long fuse: ‘The Population Bomb’ is still ticking 50 years after its publication
    https://theconversation.com/a-long-fuse-the-population-bomb-is-still-ticking-50-years-after-its-publication-96090

    I take a look at those Rio de Janeiro slums and think that if Melbourne's population rises even more rapidly than the current 1 million in 10 years, will Melbourne look like that ?

    And on the other hand:
    "Projections for 2025 range from 1.397 billion to 1.486 billion. By 2050, the number of people in Africa is expected to increase by another billion and by 2100 the United Nations forecasts there will be 4.185 billion people on the continent. These projections – referred to as “medium variants” - are regarded as the most probable."
    FACTSHEET: Africa's population projections
    https://africacheck.org/fact-checks/factsheets/factsheet-africas-population-projections#:~

    Mind you, that Africa prediction is more than 8 years old, so keep our fingers crossed.

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  4. Ah, Dorothy - you said that that remarkable Pope was due for a revival on the pond, and there it is. But wait, there's more (as they say in the late, late, night commercials) - it is blessed with a personal message from the true Pope. This day is gooood. Thank you.

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  5. For Sheridan MOE (Master of Everything - which, I think, is the appropriate post nominal) to suggest that Dutton is applying 'tactics' is to justify the same term for the irritant that many 6-year-olds experiment with, of responding 'why?' to parental statements. As in 'Irving, Brush your teeth.'
    'Why?'
    'Because, if you don't, they will go black.'
    'Why'
    'Because bacteria grow on your teeth.'
    'Why?'
    'Bacteria live off the food scraps that stick to your teeth.'
    'Why?'
    'The carbohydrates in your food are - Irving, brush your damn teeth now or you are off 'Game Boy' for the rest of the month, d'you hear?!'

    Except I am not sure what sanction might be applied to he who claims to be the Leader(?) of the Opposition when he reverts to the reasoning of a 6-year-old.

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  6. Cultists gotta cultivate, and Dame Groan has prepared the tilth, on housing for rent. Her ‘direct ways’ to alleviate the problem of supply start with lifting government spending (that alone suggests Groan.Bot 2.3 has synthesized much of this. When was the last time a column prepared by the Dame, unaided, suggested more government spending as the response to anything?). She moves on to raising the rate of government rental assistance (hmm - that looks suspiciously like, gasp - more government spending. This bot needs work on its data sources) and finishes with ‘facilitate greater housing supply in general.’

    We will take that last one as reverting to proper Dame speak. Facilitate housing supply. That certainly means more absolutely new housing, and, perhaps, converting existing industrial buildings, where amenable, to residential use.

    Eschew spending by governments - call on private investors to build that absolutely new housing. Because it would be to the benefit of the less fortunate in our society, perhaps - who knows? - offer investors some incentive, that they might direct funds into new housing, rather than stocks and shares. Perhaps some particular concession with taxation, that is just enough to swing those decisions. Howsabout we allow people on higher salaries to defray costs of building new houses - has to be new houses - for rent, against their regular income tax? If you massage the tax rates and deductions the right way - should see a big boost to new builds, all over the country. The building industry should be right on side with that. Seems we read of a couple of home builders falling by the wayside just about every day lately - some government incentive to invest could offer the stability that peak business groups claim is important to their members.

    No doubt our Dame is working up detail on just such a scheme, right now. Great times ahead for new builds.

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    1. Dame Groany 'suggesting' more government spending ? But surely that's what she does when she supports tax cuts (Stage 3) isn't it ? A tax cut is the same as a spend, non ? The government forgoes some money in order to benefit a subset of citizens ?

      But I dunno about those failing builders; my dear father was an experienced bricklayer who met just a few of them over nearly 40 working years and I don't recall him being overly impressed by the business acumen of many of them.

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    2. GB - I don't think we have completely moved away from the old game of - set up as builder, get a couple of houses done, expand, do houses in multiples until you are up to 12 or 16 or so, carefully managed so all are progressing at the same rate, with progress payments in pocket, then - oh, oh dear - costs have out run finances - looks like some obliging sawmill or hardware will just have to open proceedings. Front court, declare that your personal assets are a pair of Blunnies, two hi-vis vests, the suit you are wearing to court, 8-year-old Hilux, settle for a few cents in the dollar. Be picked up outside court by wife in Mustang with (her) personal plates, to be taken to the 5 hectare estate in the hinterland to try to recover from the anxiety of it all - anxiety that the tradies, who haven't seen a payment themselves since this group job started, will find out just where that estate is in the hinterland - in the wife's name, of course.

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    3. Hmmm. I think things have changed just a wee bit since my dad's days, Chad, but surely not all builders are that "smart". There's still a few around that go honestly broke, isn't there ?

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  7. It always seems quite pointless to comment on Lloydie's 'contributions' but here goes anyway. "The Greens have secured a bloody minded victory over Labor that will impose high costs on energy producers and the economy in a way that does not apply to our international competitors." Really ? What "international competitors" are they ? The "international competitors" for digging up our coal and exporting it ? Or our gas or lithium ? Or our rural produce ? Or Aussie crays and lobsters and wines ?

    What do we manufacture and export in any volume that is highly energy dependent ? Steel perhaps ? Or do we just export iron ore and let our 'competitors' smelt it into steel to export back to us ? We used to have a motor car manufacturing industry once upon a time, until those self-appointed econorats decided to end it.

    There will be some effects on our economy, I expect, but really it comes down to the same old same old: if we do anything to reduce our rampant CO2 production it will have "costs", and if we do nothing it will have no costs because we only directly - as in within Australia - contribute about 1.3% of the world's atmospheric CO2. Never mind that that's a big contribution compared to our population's percentage of the world: 26 million / 8 billion = 0.32 per cent.

    And Lloydie makes mention of the CCUS fiction [Carbon Capture Usage and Storage - much more imaginative than just Carbon Capture and Storage but every bit as unreal]. So: "The Australian Petroleum Production & Exploration Association has been calling for a national CCUS road map to provide policy direction ..." Yeah, right: now how does a government give a "policy direction" for an imaginary so-called 'technology' that isn't actually working anywhere in the world. Are we Aussies going to get it up and running all by our little selves when nobody else has managed ?

    But this is the real thing: "It will limit development of an offset market in Australia that could have co-benefits for the environment through the rehabilitation of degraded land and proper management of areas that have been locked up for conservation." Right, so we'll plant a few trees to 'replace' the millions we've chopped down and maybe even re-forest a few denuded areas, and that's all we need to do: let even more CO2 flow into the atmosphere every year and counter that by planting a few trees and bushes. Yep, that'll work.

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    Replies
    1. I wonder what Lloydie would have to say about this:

      "Surging SUV ownership means Australians are needlessly spending an extra $13bn a year to fuel their cars, and the trend is sending transport emissions into overdrive at the same time similar nations are reducing them."
      Rise of ‘fuel-guzzling’ SUVs costing Australians $13bn extra at the pump per year, report finds
      https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/mar/28/rise-of-fuel-guzzling-suvs-costing-australians-13bn-extra-at-the-pump-per-year-report-finds

      Plant a few more trees for offsets ?

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