Monday, April 18, 2016

Day 28, and the dog botherer brings the News Corp thought police to the table ...

Now if the pond had the slightest interest in the real world, or the state of politics, it would be leading with the latest poll news or the Judas kiss of the arch-traitor, as recorded, with forced video, in Fairfax as Liberal Party factions at war over Tony Abbott's alleged role in the 'garrotting' of Bronwyn Bishop.

A measure of the depth of feeling between Mr Abbott and Mrs Bishop is that he worked towards installing a Liberal whose views on hot button social issues like same sex marriage are completely at odds with the former prime minister. 

Indeed, indeed, matricide, political assassination and treachery most foul, but here's a simple test. Which of the these stories would automatically attract the interest of the pond?

It's obvious isn't it? The reptiles seeking to avoid paying company taxes as best they can means the editorial's sure to be just more of the usual blather about punishing the poor, the helpless and the weak,  and what's the point of a couple of idle gossip mongers celebrating Cheshire Cat Col, and where's the interest in Hudson handwringing over the state of play?

All of them absolutely with no appeal ... especially when they're up against the dog botherer mounting a heart-felt plea about the thought police.

Will he double down with Orwellian?

What is it about stupid people using simplistic, silly, slogans of the most pitiful kind that stirs the pond?

Who knows, but you can't get anyone dumber at the sport than the dog botherer, and that surely makes anything he writes world class ...

Ah you see, google still goes by the ancient tag that proclaimed that the dog botherer's column was about the ABC, but that mention of little Timmeh gives the game away.

You see, the dog botherer has been giving shorter and shorter measure, and of late has taken to examining how the ABC disease has spread far and wide, and even landed in News Corp (please, no taxes, like the churches, the company must be allowed to roam wild and free of any community obligation).

Now there are many that think little Timmie can stick up for himself, and doesn't need someone as inept as the dog botherer belatedly sticking up for him, because the dog botherer's got fuck all else to talk about on a Monday ...

You see? Those first two pars mangle together every form of cliche, stereotype and dullard brain dead thinking in a way that any right-thinking person would hail as an exemplar, a classic of the genre.

Of course the second par might have ended They beg to be stupid, so that it might encompass the dog botherer, and his noble work.

Who else could cobble together the sort of litany that links climate change, gay marriage and sugar, apart from the delusional or the desperate?

But what of these warriors for stupidity?

Well please, don't worry about little Timmie, his satirical furphy is long gone and today he's hard at work on his new game of attacking Malware ...

In fact the field lined up with players ready to assault Malware is now so crowded,  the pond has been jostled off the field and out of the game.

There's simply no room for the pond, such is the way of the mockers ...

Yes, it's , and what an amazing slogan it is, and it seems, thanks to little Timmeh, that you can bank all the fucking news with comical images of quaint Chinese in pig tails.

No savee, they say, these Songsters, and how we all laugh and cry and laugh until the tear ducts run empty ...

But stay, the pond almost overlooked the rest of the dog botherer's impassioned plea for tolerance and difference.

I am not an animal, I am an individual, shouted the dog botherer, and perforce the pond paid attention. Let us pick up where we left off ...

Now the pond just had to repeat that first par, because it's helpful to understand how journalists working at News Corp suddenly become conflated with the Left!

Scary, Pythonesque, especially when you have to say Pythonesque a couple of times to make your inept Pythonesque point ...

But what's even better is when the dog botherer gets around to the big words, such as "typically blunt satire", as good a way of describing the thick end of a baseball bat or steel-capped boots as the pond has seen in recent times.

But that's the dog botherer, always generous. Where some might wonder about calling anything little Timmeh wrote "satire" - perhaps preferring "cheap sarcasm of the lowest kind" - the dog botherer is ready with "blunt satire", which presumably is so much better than "sharp satire". Well at least it keeps the tyres safe from being punctured ...

Then comes the obtuse, otiose rolling out of catch-worlds like "virtue-signalling" and "entitlement creep" when surely calling little Timmeh a creep would have been enough.

And then - remember this started with journalists at News Corp objecting to little Timmie - we're on to Twitter and an actor who sometimes turns up on the ABC as working actors are wont to do, and the pond realised it was once again deep in the valley of fuckwittery, with a genuinely desperate fuckwit working hard to lather up a little righteous indignation.

Remind the pond next time it scribbles to pan the corporate monolith of News Corp on the basis of the behaviour of a single contributor. Well perhaps excluding Samantha Maiden ...

Which is how we end up with that classic orotund sentence "The daily quandary for the morally vain is how to trumpet their greater sensitivity on issues that concern all fair-minded people."

Yes, News Corp journalists, that's directed at you, by a reptile so morally vain he can't even acknowledge he's slagging off his peers and fellow hacks in the coal mine at News Corp, so that at the end they turn up as a quaint parenthetical aside ... ("and at News Corp Australia as it happens").

As it bloody well happened!

Now the pond makes no apology for its ongoing interest. Some keep snakes, some have a functioning ant farm, and the pond has a herpetarium.

Perforce a delusional reptile who thinks he's swimming against the tide is always of interest to the pond, because there's a good chance the rip will catch him and drag him far out to sea, where he might well drown ... call it reptile porn, but there it is ...

And anytime the dog botherer tries to express a deep contrarian thought, the pond routinely thinks, that reptile's not drowning, he's waving ...

Of course everyone else will just be going about their daily business, taking to the streets to protest and demand that they be paid much less and be made to work in more dangerous conditions, and good luck to them, the pond says.

That's the sort of politically relevant action that has no appeal to the pond, but since there are some who insist it's the way forward, here's a Rowe cartoon, and more Rowe here ... (no doubt that cartoon of the bum sorting through the garbage bin for a durrie will come in handy soon ...)


  1. Isn't it about time Chairman Rupe moved out of the Hallway and back into the war room? Somebody's got to whip those recalcitrant reptiles into line.

    Has there been a tweet from His Irrelevance lately? How does The Oz promulgate its business model without the correct leadership? Perhaps he's preparing for retirement?

  2. Come on now, Dot. What use does the dogfucker have for domestic violence leave?

  3. DP you are a gem - I don't know which gem, but whichever it is, it's faultless.

    That delightful word you used today: orotund - I didn't know what it means, so I had to look it up via Google, and this is the list of synonyms it returned:

    pompous, pretentious, affected, mannered, fulsome, grandiose, ornate, over-elaborate, overblown, flowery, florid, flamboyant, inflated, high-flown, high-sounding, magniloquent, grandiloquent, declamatory, rhetorical, oratorical, theatrical, actorly, rotund, bombastic, overwrought, overdone, overripe, convoluted, turgid;
    informal: highfalutin, purple;
    rare: tumid;
    euphuistic: aureate;
    Ossianic: fustian, hyperventilated;

    Just think of all those words I can now add to my second-order vocabulary (the one where I know the meanings of the words but have no idea how and/or when to use them properly):

    magniloquent, tumid; euphuistic; Ossianic; fustian

    Aah, it's always a learning adventure reading this blog.

    1. Tumid is a most excellent word for all occasions GB, but especially dog botherers. It goes well with other words too, like turgidly tumid. The pond always keeps in mind swollen, distended organs when thinking of the likes of the dog botherer.

    2. Agreed GB - and otiose was also a nice catch for me.

      And one punch line (?), "..that reptile's not drowning, he's waving ...", what a hoot!

    3. Umm, I think I preferred "... not drowning, waiving", Anony. As in a fine libertarian stance of being personally and totally responsible for one's own fate and therefore 'waiving' one's 'right' to be rescued.

  4. DP, that's a brilliant Rowe (wish I could make out the tat on Malware's forearm though). I think the protest - all eight or so trucks, 17 'owner driver' Cashed up bogans and dog - to demand they be protected in their customary ripoff to pay their sub-contractors less and pocket the difference was indeed a joke.


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