Sunday, April 10, 2016

Day 20, and the delcon Bolter goes from bordering on the demented to circling the wagons of hate ...

(Above: and more Moir here).

Is there any wonder the pond is feeling the heat, as reptiles feud, fight and bicker?

There's Miranda the Devine in today's Terror doing the right thing, remembering her Newscorp duty and slaying the Shortenistas...

Oh proud Amazon woman, oh brave warrior ... who could flinch at that prominent portrait?

And as the evidence mounted and the Devine waxed and frothed, the pond was almost moved to tears by her invocation of Ming the Merciless ...

Because in 1942 the most important thing was to battle socialism. Thankfully those wretched socialists had little to offer in the war!

Now for those too confused to follow the last bits of the sacred text, please allow the pond to decipher.

We must look to the UK government for sterling examples of splendid work done, because Malcolm Turnbull and Scott Morrison are cowed, drop-kick losers, derided by political commentators as lacking reformist zeal, sapped by Labour of the appetite for adventure.

And so we must vote for Turnbull, because ... poor fellow my country.

Of course the poignant bit comes with that talk of the deviant conservatives who think Turnbull is a left-wing cuckoo in the Liberal nest ...

This is actually code for the Bolter ...

Now we all know that Malware has long thought of the Bolter as deranged and unhinged and perhaps bordering on the demented ...

Which brings the pond to the difficulties it now, faces as the reptiles squabble and bicker and brood.

Just yesterday the Bolter indulged in a fine flurry of recycled stories and showed he's gone beyond the valley of the demented into the mountains of the outright crazy ... such is his pain and his hate and his fear and loathing ...

What does this mean for the pond?

Well the Bolter has turned so rabid that he will quote anyone on anything, provided they slag off Malcolm Turnbull. 

Yes, if Michael Gordon, political editor of The Age is on hand, though the link leads to the equally problematic Canberra Times here, then the Bolter will freely quote the Yarra socialists as they swill their chardonnay and slag off Malware and his minions...

This reduces the pond's work to quoting the Bolter quoting anyone who has an unkind word for Malware.

It's completely impossible to talk about Malware directly, because the Bolter is at hand and determined to destroy him in a way that makes the pond look like a wimpish soft-hearted amateur.

If the glove don't fit acquit - at last the pond found out who did it, and who got off thanks to the racist LAPD - but if a hanging's what you want, don't call for Judge Parker, call for the Bolter ... 

It doesn't matter what the source, the Bolter was there yesterday, ready to recycle ...

Oh look, it's our Gracie ...

What will you do
What will you do when it's over and done
What will you say?
Say it was good when we played it for fun
What will you do?

And so on, and it all culminated in an epic rant, a free fall, frantic bout of hate ...

Bring back Peta!

Now the pond has been doing its own countdown since day 1, but what need of it, when the Bolter is on hand?

And that was just own goal one. There was own goal two, too:

Ssheeshhh, that story came from the Huffington Post! The Huff, here.

The Bolter channeling the Huff?!

He must spend all his moments trawling the full to overflowing intertubes for a story showing all that's despicable about Malware. Like using human beans as warm props, extras in a cattle call.

That's 13. THIRTEEN!!!

Oh the humanity, oh the suffering ...

But that was only own goal two. Then there was three ...

Say what?

How mortifying.

Barrie bloody Cassidy scribbling at the bloody ABC on the bloody The Drum here!?!

It's like Karl Marx quoting the Pope as an authoritative source, or perhaps that should be the Pope citing Marx as a visionary with a solid programme for reforming the church, and not just for divorcees and those living in sin ...

But wait, there's more and the pond promises a set of steak knives could be yours if you watch a multichannel for long enough, thanks to Malware's visionary FTA policies ...

The first story is on the ABC here, the second's a lizard Oz story - you know how to google - and the third connects to George Christensen wittering and twitting here!

Because George is a died in the wool pinko pervert socialist leftie (well of the agrarian kind, so that sort of makes it okay). Foolish George forgot the standard reptile line that a royal commission would be an unnecessary distraction from bashing the unions. Oh sure, he's still solid on ruining the reef, but he'd better sharpen up or the Bolter will take him down.

Now the Bolter did try by end of day to attempt a little balance. He ran a very short story about leftist clerics in collars showing their leftie leanings by standing alongside Bill Shorten. But it was very little and very late.

Frankly at the end of it all the pond was exhausted, transcribing the Bolter transcribing the emissaries of hate, fear and loathing.

What need of the pond to berate Malware, when the Bolter assembles the finest troops to do the work for all?

Oh sure, there was always Barners as an alternative.

The splendid lad has been busy doing his best Bronnie impersonation, with five chopper flights on the record, because we can never have enough sense of entitlement (didn't jolly Joe do well with his Canberra shack?):

Mr Joyce justified his helicopter trip to Drake, pointing out the town was further away from Tamworth than Sydney is from Canberra. “I’m always trying to cover my electorate. In this instance, it would have been four-and-a-half hours to drive up, four-and-a-half back – that’s a nine-hour round trip,” Mr Joyce said. 

Actually most trip advisors would rate it a four hour drive, straight up through Armidale to Tenterfield and then a little drive off to the north east hamlet of Drake, but let's not quibble. The pond used to regularly visit Tamworth for the weekend, driving up from Sydney, but who knew that these days that would be considered an impossibly heroic drive?

“All members of an electorate the size of New England, we have access to a travel entitlement and we can use it as we see fit. “I’m not going to shy away from the fact that if I’m going to an area that doesn’t have an airstrip, you’re going to have to have a rotary wing, rather than a fixed wing if you want to do it in a day. “Just so people know, Drake is further away from where I live than Canberra is away from Sydney. Are we saying, seriously, that all the people that go from Canberra to Sydney are going to walk there?” 

No, actually, they drive. And they stop at the bakery in Goulburn for a pick me up coffee. The pond hopes to do the trip in the next little while with a worker who does it regularly each week.

When Mr Joyce was asked if opening the mobile tower justified the helicopter journey, he said: “Do you need to go to your electorate?” “I suppose I could just stay in bed and pull the doona up over my head – no one would ask any queries, but I wouldn’t be getting much done either, would I?” he said.

So attending a launch is getting things done? Aren't the people who actually put the tower up the ones who got things done, and all we're talking about here is a politician attending a ceremony in the way that bad smells attend public toilets?

“I think (the people criticising) are in a category, it’s hard to define, but they’re generally people that don’t like me. “It wouldn’t matter what I did, if I walked on water they would be complaining about the damage to the fish.” 

No, you clot, if you could walk on water, there'd be no damage to the fish, it's the coal you put in the water that does damage to the fish.

The situation was not comparable to the infamous “choppergate” scandal that led to the downfall of former Speaker Bronwyn Bishop, he said. “I wasn’t going to a fundraiser – this is getting around the electorate, to deliver an outcome for the electorate,” Mr Joyce said. (thanks NDL here).

An outcome for the electorate? Shouldn't that read an outcome for Barners, making sure that the Drake voters know which goose to vote for?

Never mind, the pond was in urgent need of that good-humoured light refreshment, after the rage and the bile and the hate of the Bolter ...

And there's more Wilcox here for those wanting more after-dinner hay mints ...


  1. A Bill that we just really - really, you know, we just only really, really, really, just only can't afford.

  2. At least the Devine one echoed Morrison's jibe about Shorten wearing a badly-fitting suit in her spray this morning. Thank heavens that _some_ of the reptiles can still be trusted to stick to the script. All praise to the Gila Queen for continuing to focus on the big issues!

    1. Thanks for the Gila Queen analogy, Anon.

      Perhaps Miranda is simply hatching?

    2. It's a thing. She's also a reptile act drawing the same crowd at "cousin Rici's canteena, open 24 hours a day. No cover charge any time. Featuring juicy Lucy and her trained gila monster..." (25:23, Side 2, track 8, Welcome to Mexico, begins 24:22)

    3. Another Sunday in the pond. Both Jesus and the Pope properly follow after mention of some kind of gila monster training there.

    4. II keep on looking intently at Bill Shortenin' whenever his appears on my, admittedly seriously obsolescent, telly and I just can't pick up on this s "ill fitting suit" thing. Can somebody kindly enlighten me as to just how, exactly, Bill's suit is ill fitting ?

      And how that compares with the ill-fitting belief suite of his "critics".

    5. The ill fitting suit jibe is just bizarre. Wasn't cameron lampooned for a similar ill fitting jibe? Sheesh, Mal jut don't get it. There has never been a more exciting time to be totally out of touch

  3. So Barnesy is comparing himself to Jesus fucking Christ now...

    1. Err, I thought Barney was actually comparing Jesus to himself, GH, and finding Jesus inferior. After all, Jesus couldn't switch to a chopper when he got tired of getting his feet wet (but only on the underside, of course).

  4. Dunno why Barnaby is copping so much flak for his chopper ride to Drake.

    It's a white-knuckle drive from Black Swamp down the escarpment to Drake. The sign says "33 km winding road" and it doesn't lie (though it doesn't mention the bit about driving off the edge of the world).

    Given that and Barnaby's well-known lack of judgment in relation to driving conditions he probably saved the taxpayer a few dollars. And a by-election.

  5. Crikey, Anne Henderson on Geraldine Doogue's ABC Compass panel, right now. Stern stuff!


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