Thursday, February 25, 2016

In which the pond is inconsolable at sundry irreconcilable differences, thanks be unto to David Lipson ...

(Above: and more tremendously agile, swinging all ways Rowe here).

Once again the pond had retired in the night to the television in the bedroom - oh the Roman decadence of the concept - when lo and behold, one David Lipson was summoned to Lateline to deal with the 'ABC merging with the SBS' controversy, and he spaketh ...

DAVID LIPSON: A lot's changes since then, and today, many within Australia's vast ethnic community see inconsolable differences between the two broadcasters. (the pond hadn't believed its ears, but accepts the fidelity of the transcript here).

The pond was inconsolable. The gulf between the ABC and literacy seemed irreconcilable. A lotsa stuff's a changes since them old days and old ways of the dinner-suited radio broadcast ...

The pond wished this was a rare, relatively unique event - thanks as always, ABC style guide - but it seems that it now happens a relatively infinite number of times ...

Was there any bonus by way of good humour?

Well, yes, because in the very same show, the hideously grimacing Erica turned up, delivering what he seemed to think was a smile - though suddenly the pond understood what the word 'rictus' meant...

And with that astonishing grin came these fine words ...

ERIC ABETZ: Look, can I say, as a migrant to this country myself, I believe I have some understanding of the issues involved and I think it is important that we encourage newcomers to this country to learn the English language. It is vitally important for your social interactions to have a good understanding of the language, be it for welfare purposes, for business purposes, for road rules, for social interaction, bus and train timetables, etc. And so, I believe that we should be encouraging new Australians to learn the English language and I'm not necessarily sure that the SBS caters for that. (don't believe the pond? It's here).

No, the pond isn't necessarily sure that the fucking illiterate ABC is wot caters for it either - Mark Scott and news 24 must take a share of the blame - or so it seemed to the inconsolable pond, as it contemplated its irreconcilable differences with Erica ...

By the time Erica had got to the end of his interview, the pond thankfully new where it stood .. (or should that be knew? After a bout with the ABC, the brain is ratled).

TONY JONES: Well you just saw what Malcolm Turnbull said when he was Communications Minister, that it'd be a bad idea to try and merge a smaller, more efficient organisation with a larger, more cumbersome one. I mean, what about that principle? 
ERIC ABETZ: Look, I'm not going to get, as I said before, into the minutiae. I believe that this is an idea worthy of consideration and can I simply say to your viewers if Eric Abetz and Mark Scott happen to think it might be a good idea to consider this proposition, then chances are it might be worthwhile?

Erica and Mark Scott agree? Then chances are it might be completely fucked ... and the chances are that the pond would give it a nanosecond's consideration, as long as a snowflake survived in hell ... or so the greenie whisperer suggested as the Ludlum poured mercury into the ear of the pond here.

NO transcript for him, the fiend, the pro-SBS rascal, this fine over-heating Sydney morn (please no mention of climate change, Fiji cyclones or an early start to the tornado season). The ABC only transcribes the thoughts of Erica and quite runs out of puff when the deviants begin to sprout nonsense. Or do they spout? The pond gets so flurried by floozies after a surgeon with the ABC ... or is that a sojourn? Relatively infinite possibilities are available ...

But it put the pond in a good mood for a flurry of reptile EXCLUSIVES this morning ...

Well played Joe. They speak well of you everywhere ...

"I frankly do not believe that Joe Bullock does much that is motivated by the interests of his members; I think Joe does what is in Joe's best interests". (Greg Hunt it here, careful of the stray walri).

But thanks Joe, for reminding the pond of why it must share its contempt between the major parties ...

And then came Niki Savva ...

The pond knew exactly what this meant, without reading a word of it. 

Malware, with his current inept and contradictory mutterings about tax - he and Kelly O'Dwyer doing a Hewson tango that makes David Lipson sound like a Cicero - Kelly O'Dwyer forced to clarify comments after contradicting Malcolm Turnbull on live TV (forced video attached) - was crashing and burning, and so it was Niki's duty to rush to the breach and stick her thumb in the dyke ... and flip it around and assert that a coup was a crash ...

Well it was in one eye and out the other for the pond, because there was sabre-rattling afoot and the pond was exceptionally exciting.

All the gang were rushing to see the shirt-fronting, and what a sight it was, another exceptional EXCLUSIVE ...

Now the pond has been much heartened by reader stories of Powerpoint, and the epic days before Powerpoint using overhead projectors and other wondrous technology - yes the pond was initiated into the Delpic art of the mimeograph and first photocopied when chemicals sloshed around in the bowels of the machine - and so it's stating the obvious to these experts that we're back in the three phases syndrome.

Tell us what you will call for tomorrow.

Tomorrow call for what you told us yesterday you would call for tomorrow.

The next day remind us what you had called for yesterday.

And then tell us what you will call for tomorrow.

It's known as a virtuous circle of blather and attention-seeking and strutting. Part of the no wrecking, no undermining, no sniping policy expected of all honest politicians...

Is there a better or more expert way to stay in the public eye?

And all you need is a chum, nay a devoted bromancer, to do your bidding and service your spleen.

See how google reported the scam ...

Oh irony of ironies. When casting around for a suggestion for images for the tale (or is that tail? Advice please, David Lipson), google put the servile, lickspittle lackey, the faithful transcriber and bromancer, in first place.

As for the rest, it's just more sabre rattling from the back bench, the sort of idle strutting that might be expected by a bully who, when in power, talked the talk but was singularly inept at walking the walk ...

This struck the pond as the purist comedy gold ... as if China would give a flying fuck about the thoughts of a plucked chook, a featherless former leader sent to the back bench to brood ...

Unless the chook was intent on making a comeback. 

Unless the unhinged, wall-punching warrior king was determined to make his presence felt and rattle his sword in a way that might make the usurper hesitant and fearful ...

And so it goes. It's all of apiece with the reptile rags this day ...

Yes, they're rattling their sabres ...

Take that China. Take that Vlad. How's your shirt front going now!!??

And the tabloids are also in the game ...

It occurred to the pond that we could do more than a symbolic flyover or a passing ship to make a point with those devious Chinese...

We could cut off all iron ore and coal supplies, we could freeze the capital outflow of the Chinese hierarchy, we could ...

It was at that point that the pond realised that the pond was sounding as demented as the bromancer and the wall puncher ... and was in need of a good dose of common sense, and where better to find it, than in a David Pope cartoon, and more papal infallibility here ...




    "To submit your expression of interest please send an e-mail with the subject line "War on Radical Islam" to: "

    1. Have you asked Paul Sheehan? He's a fuckwit too, should fit right in.

  2. Dorothy, presume you have seen the Magic-Water-Sour-Dough Aficionado's column today? I'm sure we'd all be in interested in you commentary on this ostensibly apologetic, yet tortuously grudging, drivel?

    1. Over at The Pub blog, somebody pointed out that for all his humble pie stuff, he omitted to mention how eagerly he'd jumped in with the alleged "Middle Eastern Men" being responsible for these outrages. Owes an apology to that community as well as the cops.

      It's possible that he got suckered in just as Heffernan did a few years back over his obsessions with gays, paedophiles and Justice Kirby.

    2. Well that's what you get when you don't have your Sour Dough and Magic Water breakfast to start your day right. All those evil genies rise up from your subconscious and having no barrier to overcome, flood your consciousness.

      Either that, or it's an unusually strong case of Theory (Belief) Perseverance.

  3. Damn you Sheehan!

    Distracting from the RWNJs all over Reptile World by upping the ante higher than any of them could ever hope to.

    Thanks to the teenagers who now edit Fairfax for letting the Magic Water Man's slop through.

    1. It won't be long now and Sheehan can follow the setting sun around the globe.

      Jonathan Green Verified account

      that’s quite a redaction on the @Paul_Sheehan_ column. only the dog whistle is left intact.

      Mike Carlton

      A tissue of lies: Paul Sheehan and “Louise”

    2. Dammit, I've been ninja'd by all of you more organised people! I only caught up with the Sheehan garbage today via The Monthly blogs, and came here all frothed up ready to go on about it ..... :)
      Jebus, it was disgusting. Even by his standards.

  4. Trumps must have a swagful like this pic of adoring disciples. Why vote for monkeys when the organ-grinder is on the ticket?

  5. You say "mimeograph" and I say "roneo" (or Rotary Neostyle according to Wikiped.)

    But the thing I remember most affectionately was a setup with seven paper sheets separated by six carbon copy sheets. Apart from the 'relatively' robust top paper sheet, everything else was very, very thin. But then, that's what it took to get an original plus six (6) copies from just one pounding of the typewriter.

    And that was back in the days of IBM Selectric typewriters and before the advent of Wang wordprocessor. I remember, with much respect, a young lady member of the then typewriter pool (they were all young ladies and every bureaucracy, government or private, had typing pools) who could type somewhat faster than I could talk and consistently produce at least 99.8% transcription accuracy (about 1 typo per 7 pages on average. And I know that because I was just as verbose then as I am now).

    Oh, is there no end to these delightful recollections.

    1. GB, I really like the recollections (honestly, no sarcasm). Re the 'young lady' from the typing pool: that's damn impressive; what a shame that this is the kind of skill that's trivialised as girlie secretarial stuff.
      I'm too young (ha! I'm 45) to remember typing pools, but I do remember cleaning offices in Brisbane's CBD back when everyone still smoked, and stuck centrefolds everywhere. Good times :)

    2. The pond also spent after school nights cleaning out the ashtrays of smokers Mish. But it was in a public service office, so no one managed the centrefolds ... you had to get your car fixed to stumble on those.

    3. Then you never got to see the Australian Bureau of Statistics computer room, DP. It had a very high and very large ceiling (it was a big computer room) and the ABS computer operators had somehow plastered almost the entire ceiling with Playboy pages (mostly, but not entirely, centerfolds).

      The sort of "high achievement" for which you'd get serious 'talking to' nowadays. Maybe.

    4. PS: Thanks, Mish, I'm glad somebody is enjoying 'em.

    5. I cleaned public service offices, too, and they did not lack nudie posters! We used to delight in scribbling feminist messages all over them in permanent marker :).

    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    7. godammit, I did it again. Hit the back button and my comment got posted twice. Then I look silly (oh, the horror)

  6. "We must challenge China on freedom of navigation: Tony Abbott"

    Yeah, go on Tones, bust their arses.

  7. Hi Dorothy,

    Uhlmann's plea for free speech last weekend has evidently been a hit with the gerontocracy that makes up The Australian's remaining readership.

    A cry for freedom or was it just a job interview?

    Still could a seminarian educated conservative catholic like Uhlmann fit into the diverse social whirl at The Oz?


    1. The pond has plumped for the notion of a job interview DW. Or at least a little pocket money, since the idea of declaring a column personal and not representing the ABC seems to have vanished in the Scott era ...

  8. "'There is the opportunity to bring Australia's media laws into the 21st century to make sure that they reflect not the analogue world, but to capture and cater for the world that we live in today,' Senator Fifield said."


Comments older than two days are moderated and there will be a delay in publishing them.