Friday, February 12, 2016

In which the pond can't take a break because of the climate for most unique opportunities for Barners cartoons ...

(Above: and more Rowe in a china shop here).

The pope was supposed to be on a break, and then last night on The World, the host of the show - yes you Beverley O'Connor, the pond is looking right at you - advised the pond to keep watching because coming up would be a story about the way the zebra was one of the world's 'most unique' animals.

Now the pond can come at many things, even Barners being deputy PM, even though that brings great disgrace to Tamworth and casts it far into the darkness, away from the great centre of the universe it once was. After all, Barners offers the chance of infinite comedy ...

(And more Mickey Mouse Popery here).

Yes, the Davids are in top form, but the pond was content to hold its tongue. Talk of gravitational waves floated through the body like a Barners' interview voided the brain.

Even the complete disconnection between the Fairfaxians and the reptiles had no impact ... Compare and contrast reptile EXCLUSIVE with Fairfaxian report:

And fish is fowl and fowl is fish ... and so on ...

But the pond was prepared to ignore all this ... until the ABC's The World - yes we're looking directly at you Beverley O'Connor - yabbered on about most unique things, and the pond's unslakable thirst for loonery demanded to be quenched, however briefly ...

It also helped that the pond had been waiting, with baited, or bated, take it how you will, breath, for the first bout of triumphalism to emerge amongst the denialists.

The pond was certain the reptiles couldn't contain themselves for long.

That doofus supreme, the fuckwit in charge of the CSIRO, had set the tone by using one of the favourite phrases of the denialists and bringing religion into the mix.

Oh sure, the fuckwit had repented and gone all abject and turned up in reports such as the ABC's CSIRO boss Larry Marshall sorry for saying politics of climate 'more like religion than science.'

And sure, the fuckwit had gone into print previously to claim that the science had been proved and that there was no more argument and that it was simply a change of tone and emphasis:

"We're not saying that modelling and measurement are not important. We're saying that modelling and measuring isn't more important than mitigation and we've chosen to shift our emphasis to mitigation," he said.

But the pond knew better. The pond knew that the reptiles couldn't resist a little triumphalism, as a way of demonstrating just what tone deaf fuckwits some scientists can be ...

Yes, despite all Larry Marshall's claims, Michael Asten knew what it was really all about ... carbon dioxide's got nothing to do with it ...

Naturally this sort of stuff makes it even more poignant to read 'Maybe I'm naive': CSIRO's Larry Marshall tries again to explain deep staff cuts.

Is naive another word for fuckwit Larry?

Possibly. In this age of most unique animals, anything is possible ...

That tape, Larry, it sounds like an epic bout of pivoting Silicon Valley fuckwittery of the Hooli kind ...

Hannah Scott: So Larry, if we can upskill our people and get new skills in the organisation, where do you see the organisation heading? What's the ultimate vision here? [Image shows Dr Marshall gesticulating with his hands as he speaks.] 
Larry Marshall: Well, maybe I'm naive [chuckles], but I actually think we can grow. I think we can increase the impact of the organisation. I think we can increase the funding and the revenue of the organisation, but we need to be delivering the impact that our nation expects. Again, this is not a judgment call on the quality of our climate science - it's awesome! - but we've been doing that for 20 years. It's time to take action; our nation needs us to do something about environmental change. In fact, the National Science and Research Priorities say specifically, one of our key strategic goals is to respond to environmental change, not just climate change, but all impacts on the environment, and not just measurement and modelling, but response, ie mitigation - take action. That's the major shift that we're doing. I think we can do it, and I think we'll be a stronger organisation as a result. That's not to say that we won't go through pain, I wish we didn't have to go through this, but I can promise you that we will be as open and transparent as we possibly can. Please, be patient with us; this is still a work in progress as we figure out the numbers, but you will be the first to know as we know.

Ultimate vision? Chuckles ... It's awesome?!

No it's not Larry. It's had absolutely nil, zero, zilch impact on the reptiles ...

Prof Asten, please carry on, we have to explain to Larry yet again why the CSIRO has got it wrong, and is totally, awesomely naive ... in the way many other deluded souls who believe in the religion of climate science are most uniquely wrong ...

There you go Larry. They love you, they know you're in their camp, you've joined them and they're ever so pleased.

And happily, Michael Asten is on hand to explain that it isn't a United Nations conspiracy to introduce a world government, as the pond, Dame Slap and Lord Monckton had feared, but instead is a conspiracy fed by the Russian and nameless Asian governments ...

Oh those fiendish, devious orientals, always good for a laugh ... feed them some opium and let's hope they all go away.

Hannah Scott: 
Thanks Larry. Really appreciate your honest insights

No, no, Hannah. This should have been the line if you want a gig at the ABC:

Thanks Larry. Really appreciate your truly unique and most uniquely honest insights ...

Oh and Larry, the pond really does enjoy your stumblebum naivety, it promises as many laughs as Barners ...

And isn't it grand you're both serving the cause of climate denialism?

And so the memes ran free and wild, with a shot the pond first mistook for an old family snap of Uncle Cecil in Peel street ...


  1. "Talk of gravitational waves floated through the body ..."

    Oh yeah, those gravitational waves will get you every time. A couple of massive black holes collide, and first thing you know is that a couple of million years later, gravitational waves are just everywhere. Even streaming through Barners.

    1. GB, I shudder to think of what they've been doing to Barners' top paddock. Permeate free has been called bullshit before now, you know!

      This explains a lot about recent COALition gravitas wobbles. Fuckwittery be damned! Why, just think of all that flux of shrinking and extending simultaneously in cross directions. Just think of those cracks widening in the already cracked!

      Denying won't help you, braying won't do you no good
      Now, denyin' won't help you, brayin' won't do you no good
      When Barners' head explodes, Malcayman, you got to move ...

    2. "COALition". Oh, tres jolie, Anony, I simply hadn't registered that ere now.

      A bit of trivia: the apparatus for the gravitational waves detection was very, very similar to the apparatus for the Michelson-Morley aether detection experiment back all those years ago which led to Einstein's formulation of Special Relativity. Similar, but the gravitational wave detector is vastly more sensitive and accurate, so, entirely incidentally, it has finally wiped out the very small but regular deviation detected by M-M but unexplained till now thus in one go confirming there is no aether - so Special Relativity is confirmed - and that there are gravity waves - so General Relativity is confirmed.

      Boooooyaah ! Hooray for Einstein and Hilbert.

  2. Hang on, DP! You say you looked at "Beverley O'Connor"? "She" is a Nexus 6 replicant, didn't you know? What's more, "she" has unearthly power to overcome any human who returns the gaze. As you are still writing, I guess that means you wear an aluminium night-cap.
    I swear, though, you will need more, much more, personal-protective gear to endure Fiona Nash when she installs herself on Lateline. Tony Jones will be toast. She will knock warmism right out of the paddock. Malcolm says he is "very pumped up" at the prospect of those two on his mat. Yeah, like with a stomach pump.

  3. Donald Trump and his cousin, Thomas Trump, are no kissing cousins

    1. Hard to trump that!

  4. If Cunneen was joking, she should resign. A crown prosecutor should know better than to offer joke "advice" advocating perverting the course of justice.

    If she wasn't joking then she should have the book thrown at her, including custodial sentencing.


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