In which the pond offers a cornucopia of reptiles, including contending dog botherer and Dame Slap, and as a special bonus, Polonius prattling about mindless loyalty...

 

The pond realises that, in its steadfast loyalty to the reptiles, it misses out on many great moments that would result in a Sunday meditation full of meaning. 

Take, for example, Charles Walker's splendid rant on milk, celebrated by John Crace here, and linked to for viewing pleasure here ...

The pond hadn't experienced such a sense of fun with milk since it slurped down off banana-flavoured milk heated in the Tamworth primary school's noon-day sun ...

But loyalty has its rewards, and so today the ongoing crisis allows the pond to pour more water down the reptiles' nest (oh such fun it was to torment the bull ants).

The only question then is who should go first? 

The pond immediately knew the correct reptile answer. The man, and what better man than the dog botherer to set the Sunday pace?

And what better way for a manly man to start off a piece, than with an image of the fearless leader in a chopper reliving his days above the jungles of 'Nam.

Sorry, sorry, the pond got a little choppered away there ... you know, sounds of swirling chopper blades, swirling fan, this is the end my beautiful friends, the end, swilling hard liquo, punching out a mirror ... the horror, the horror, and all that, in the pond's seven speaker Dolby surround sound, thoughtfully cranked so that the neighbours can follow the movie easily ...

Sorry, where were we? No, not in that fire fight in Heat (how the bullets ping around the speakers in the new restoration, how the dialogue sounds flatter than a tin can crushed by an ol- fashioned steam roller), but on fire with the dog botherer ...

 

 

Oh it's just not fair, and yet the coalition has always had its manly men doing their thing ...

 

Sorry, the pond had to reach for an old infallible Pope, and far too early in the game ... let us keep on with the "it's just not fair" riff, and indulge in a little victim shaming and blaming ...
 

Such empathy for the trauma experienced by victims. Call on commissioner Plod to condemn them for not speaking up quickly enough - dammit, just speak up woman, it's only a rape - or even worse, for speaking out of turn ... dammit it woman, when will you learn to just shut the fuck up ...

Indeed, indeed,  and where's the harm in a little wanking? Why the dog botherer wanks all the time, in print, in public, on the telly, so of course he's going to get agitated about talk of a sexist frat house. Has the Coalition not been open to the best and brightest women? Have there not already been a half dozen women Liberal prime ministers? Are not women in equal proportion in SloMo's cabinet? What's all the fuss?

Perhaps sensing that he'd gone as far as he could with hurling abuse, the dog botherer did a teary SloMo act of contrition, and turned to feeling feminist ... well, feminist with a Twitter obsession, because Twitter is responsible for the coarse way that the thugby league first thirteen acted towards girls in Tamworth way back when ...

Blokey? Some missteps in tone rather than substance?

“It’s been a pretty intense year and from time to time, that shows. That’s just human and I think people understand that,” Mr Morrison said. Mr Morrison volunteered that he was backing Cronulla Sharks player Chad Townsend to “have a great game” this weekend. Against Canberra last weekend, the halfback missed a simple shot at goal that led to a loss. “I’m just glad the footy’s back on,” Mr Morrison laughed. “It helps everybody.” (link to the satanic New Daily here).

Yes, of course, the footy's back, it helps every rape victim, surely it does, whether it's reporting on fun in New Zealand or celebrating the Hayne plane ... and much better to front Hadders than those harridans at the ABC with their spiteful empty chair ... but do go on ...

 

Oh dear, at the very end, a token, but still, the pond was reminded of that infallible Pope cartoon ...

 

And so, with great reluctance, and after all the reptile men have had their say this weekend, the pond turns to Dame Slap ... though some will wonder if she's more mythical creature, more feathered IPA dinosaur than real ...

 

 

 

 

It will be recalled immediately that the dog botherer deplored talk of a sexist frat house, and yet what does Dame Slap lead off with? Talk of a bloody X-rated Animal House, leaving readers to wonder who might now play the John Belushi role. (Actually it only made it M, for low level coarse language, low level sex scenes and drug use, but never mind).

Never mind indeed! Look, there it was, beneath the vile header with its talk of an X-rating, a snap of SloMo caught between perennial smirk and endless grimace!

What's more, Dame Slap had a few words to say about quotas, what with her having been chosen for the ABC board on the basis of having few political connections or shared ideology, but incredible board skills ... but let's not talk of the factional system, let's get started ...

 

 

Dear sweet long absent lord,  Dame Slap's gone right off ... the pond hesitates to step into the firing line ...

 

She's still going off... would a nice picture of a sweet woman with a couple of babes in arms help mellow her out?

 

Indeed, indeed, how the pond yearns for simpler times, when manly men could bring an end to war with a flourish ...

 

 

But back to Dame Slap, still going off ... strangely unaware of all the preceding reptile talk of cancel culture and sharp words about #MeToo and toxic feminists, and so on and so endlessly forth ... indeed, strangely unaware of her own past thoughts of Harvey, who graced the pond's pages only yesterday ...

And so on, and yet, here we are now, and here Dame Slap seems to be singing a slightly different tune ...

 

Actually if the pond might be so bold, that talk of the truth in relation to the AFP is a little misleading ...

 

...Gaetjens, the secretary of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, told a Senate estimates hearing on Monday the move followed “strong advice” from the AFP commissioner, Reece Kershaw, on 9 March.
Kershaw, appearing before a different estimates committee, was more equivocal.
Asked whether he asked Gaetjens to alter the terms of reference or go slow with his inquiries, the AFP commissioner replied: “No but that’s a decision [Gaetjens] may wish to take but based on the conversations I’ve had in terms of any intersection with our criminal investigation.”
Kershaw was asked whether those inquiries would hamper the police investigation and said “it may”.
Kershaw said he had consulted with the chief police officer of the ACT “just to ensure we had that clean corridor, that that investigation was not disturbed … you didn’t want anything to intersect with that investigation”.
Pressed on whether he had made any specific requests to Gaetjens about the nature of his report, Kershaw said: “No, I think we looked at the terms of reference and that’s a matter for the secretary, not me, to make that determination.
But the AFP commissioner later sought to clarify his evidence, saying he supported Gaetjens’ decision to put on hold the process of finalising the inquiry. (Graudian here)

 

Yes, it took a little time for the song sheet to come together, for the "truth" to be organised into a 'truthful' shape, and for everybody in the chorus to sing from the same sheet ...

As for quotas, well, the lizard Oz has many mediocre male scribblers, why not a few more medicore women of the Dame Slap kind?

 

Ah, another great deflection, another sharp thrust, another easy shot, and yet, and yet ... quotas. Even the dog botherer went there, but not Dame Slap appointed to the ABC for her astonishing board skills, and surely not for her political attitudes and connections ...

 

And yet what would happen to a new female PM, likely enough only to come from the ALP side in the next few decades?

 

We saw what a roasting Julia Gillard copped from the reptiles and the mad monk, much of it sex-based. Who can forget the parrot exhuming her dead father to make him die of shame yet again, who can forget the parrot putting her in a chaff bag and tossing her into the sea? Who can forget the lectures from the great man himself? Who can forget the great man in action?

 

 

 

 

And so to the bonus for the day, and the pond is mortified to have to offer prattling Polonius as a bonus.

Has it come to this? Have the reptiles been so frenetic that Polonius has been reduced to a mere sideshow bonus? 

 

Sadly 'tis true... and even worse, the reptiles felt the need to pad out his prattle with pictures ... just to add a bit of gravitas ...

 

Odd. Didn't Polonius's headline talk of Liberal reptiles spurning the party. Yet here was the Liberal party spurning, in the usual way, an uppity harridan, too big for her britches, big noting herself, deserving of a good ducking, or perhaps a scold's bridle ...

Please allow the reptiles to provide a photo of this wretched, treacherous upstart ... because it's all her fault. Fancy chucking a hissy fit and acting all treacherous simply because she got booted!

 

Indeed, indeed. The behaviour of Cusack was particularly egregious and an affront to prattling Polonius's memories of Ming the Merciless and the days when women knew their place ...

 

...The factional system relies on compliance and patronage, so straight away the idea of merit-based selection went out the window. This doesn’t just affect women – it affects everyone. Even Mike Baird needed a special deal to secure Liberal selection for the 2007 election in Manly. Favours given and favours repaid is how this works.
In other states, this model was nicknamed “the NSW disease”. Unfortunately, it spread. It has escalated.
An MP might be asked to allocate a staff position to a factional operative and in exchange his/her preselection is assured. Step away from the factions and they might all combine to unseat you. In this way, the factional model is part taxpayer-funded.
So now we have some young men on big salaries, doing aggressive factional work out of some ministerial and MP offices. And they are intoxicated with power as well as alcohol. Their bosses need to bear much of the blame. They legitimise and tolerate behaviours that serve their own self-interests in terms of getting and retaining power.
There are many reasons why women across Australia so triggered and upset by what’s going on in Canberra. Personal experience, solidarity with the victims – but most of all it has been the sense of powerlessness they feel when the issues are seemingly dismissed. It has happened over and over again and this time they are telling us: “Enough!”
Maybe there are bubbles inside the Canberra bubble? I don’t know – I am just convinced the PM needs to seek out and listen to his female MPs, who have their own stories to tell.
An alleged rape has occurred inside the citadel of Australian democracy.
Our prime minister needs to be told why people are so angry. And it’s up to his female MPs to take it to him direct.
It’s not really a choice any more. For years there has been a ludicrous expectation by Liberal leaders that we female MPs can be wheeled out to defend these disgusting behaviours. When the power to fix the problem lies with them – not with us.
It has reached the point where our personal integrity is being publicly pitted against our loyalty – it’s upsetting and embarrassing and, frankly, they should not be asking that of us.
Tell him.
Step up, be hopeful and make the case for change. Most importantly, back one another. The moment has chosen us.
Tell him. (Graudian here)
 

Eek, heresy, a witch, a witch. Could we illustrate the finger-pointing harridan please, preferably with a comically open mouth and bemusing look?

 

Without a clear reason? But surely he was just standing by his mate, as dinkum mates are wont to do ...

 

Please could we have a snap of the anti-vax, fake-remedy-prescribing, climate science-denying. former furniture salesman, just to balance the books? So that then Polonius can prattle on about mindless loyalty, because oh how Polonius loves the mindless ...

 

But what is the party's cause? Does anyone have the first clue in these troubled times? It's interesting that Polonius didn't attempt to offer one, too hard, but perhaps the pond could help out with its time machine and take Polonius back, back to the grand days of Ming the merciless, and the party's cause ...

...In 1950, equal pay for women did not exist in the Commonwealth Public Service or in almost any other Australian workplace. Women had been seeking equal pay for equal work since the 19th century and Rischbieth and the Women’s Service Guilds of Western Australia were active in the campaign. When this letter was written, the Commonwealth Court of Conciliation and Arbitration was holding a periodic basic wage inquiry that was to include more debate about equal pay.
The legal basis for wage inequity between men and women was established in two decisions of the Commonwealth Court of Conciliation and Arbitration, which set a precedent for later cases. Both decisions were based on beliefs about women’s and men’s different needs and responsibilities.

• In a 1907 wage decision by Justice Higgins involving the Sunshine Harvester Company (the ‘Harvester’ judgement), men were granted higher pay because all men were assumed to be married and to have three children to support. Most women were assumed to be homemakers and supported by their husbands.
• In 1919, the minimum wage for women was set at 54 per cent of the male minimum wage. Again, this was based on the idea that all working women were single and had no need to support dependents.

Although written in 1950, McKenna’s statements still reflect a belief that men and women have ‘different needs’: that men, whether married or single, were the chief providers for their households and that women should be supported by their husbands or fathers. This ignored the reality that women were the sole income earners in many families.
The ‘differences in needs’ argument won in the 1950 basic wage inquiry (and in many later inquiries). The Commonwealth Court of Conciliation and Arbitration ruled that the basic wage for women would be set at 75 per cent of the male rate. This was a disappointing outcome for feminists and women’s organisations who had made detailed submissions to the inquiry. The female clerks would have to wait until 1969 for equal pay to begin being phased in.
Mr McKenna’s letter also states that women were to be admitted to clerical and professional work grades (the Third Division) of the Commonwealth Public Service because the Court had ‘a view to the provision of equality of opportunity’. By today’s standards, this does not seem to be a great change: only single women were admitted, and once a woman married, she had to resign from permanent employment. Single women in the Third Division faced major barriers to promotion, because men were unwilling to accept their supervision. The admission of single women to the Third Division was, however, the first step towards achieving equality in the workplace. (the letter here).

1969! How sad it had to happen after Ming had left in 1966, and even then it took the blokes a few years to get around to it ...

And so with all that, the pond's Sunday meditation comes to a close, with a Rowe which evokes the glory of the times, the ship of state sailing the troubled seas with skilled ease, and with more glorious Rowe here ...

 

 

Talk about poking a stick at a nest of reptiles, with the bromancer, nattering "Ned" and the Riddster all on the move ...

 

 

 

Talk about poking a stick at a nest of reptiles!

Ants got nothing on this Surry Hills nest.

The reptiles were in an uproar this day. Just look at the ruckus in the commentary section, and elsewhere on the front digital page, Dame Slap and nattering "Ned" were on the prowl.

Down below, good old Shanners decided the best course was deflection and distraction, by having a go at Albo ... and there was Gemma, shouldering the blame by blaming 'leets of all stripes and sexes. And the oscillating fan was on the "quotas" bandwagon. And look, there's the dog botherer purporting to be a feminist ...

The pond was overwhelmed for choice, and yet there seemed to be one clear winner for a truly weird response to the crisis gripping the reptiles ... the bromancer!

Yes, in the course of the pond's weekend meditative reading, other reptiles will turn up to have their say, but the bromancer was truly in a weird and fruity mood, almost as if he'd seen a vision of Mary, or perhaps Christ in a toasted cheese sandwich, and so he had the honour of leading off the pond's parade ...

 

 

What the fuck? How did a photo of Harvey get into the discourse, at a time when the crisis is down under and the cries are coming from inside the house?

Never mind, just that header and the snap fortified the pond in its choice, and it only got better from there ...

 

The pond understands of course. It grew up in a male patriarchal culture dominated by the local Catholic priests, the most handsome of whom, after cutting a swathe through assorted married women, was forced to move on to another parish ...

So after the routine cries about Twitter and the fond memories of the 1950s and the DLP and the great split, and the battle against vile, despicable atheists and pagans (and never mind the reptile celebrating of the wonders of western civilisation produced by pagan Romans and Greeks), the pond was ready for what was to follow - roughly equivalent of the Catholics that stole all the Roman marble to build their temple to an imaginary friend ...

 

 

Dickson is a wondrous loon who long ago featured on these pages, but stay, it gets better, because if anyone wanted a good example of misogyny at work, would they look past the biblical Paul? 

 

 

Indeed, indeed.. Has there ever been a more cogent explanation of why the Catholic church has freely embraced women, and made them priests and Popes, and put them in positions of real power, as opposed to mere teachers designed to slap around hapless victims like the pond on a hot summer's day as they sweltered in full penguin regalia?

The pond could, of course, spend its time trawling through the bible, but it's already been done, and the pond recommends the Skeptic's Annotated Bible's assembly of quotes on women, here ... and sure enough, right from the get go, that imaginary friend offers a ripper deal ...

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

At this point, your average Catholic deflector and dissembler turns to the new testament, and never mind Pauline rampant misogyny - better to marry than to burn - sure enough, the bromancer follows the tradition ...

 

Sweet long absent lord, could it get any fruitier, or weirder? Yes, wait for the final flourish ...

 

John Paul II is the greatest of the modern Popes?! That's the best the bromancer has to offer?

Now the pond realises that the bromancer should have been the lead in the Sunday meditation, and for that matter the pond should have eaten fish on Friday, and made sure it had enough ash on hand for facial desecration, but surely this is the richest response the reptiles could have offered. It will surely help the evangelical clap happy speaking in tongues SloMo, as the twin strands of modern thought meet, and the evangelicals consign the whore of Babylon to everlasting damnation and eternal hellfire for the Catholic church's many and varied vile heresies ...

But now for more sombre duties. The pond noted that nattering "Ned" was at the top of the digital page early on the weekend - because when it comes to a crisis, you must send out an old white male to handle the matter - and duty must be done, and the Everest of "Ned" climbed, so that all might think themselves more manly men for having made it through the read ... (women, you are not needed here, this is reptile men's business, where men explain the situation, and women are a little too soft-headed to understand).

Yes, Dame Slap was also to hand, but she was down the digital page, as is right and fitting for complimentary women, and so "Ned" sorted out the gender agenda crisis for everyone ...

 

The irony of course is that "Ned" insists on treating it as a political matter, and therefore with political solutions ... and yet at the same time, "Ned" finds himself in the same pickle as SloMo ...

 

Oh indeed, indeed, the hypocrisy of the media is monumental. That's why they made the befuddled SloMo lie for weeks on end ... it's all their fault that he's a shallow, vain man, with a perpetual, infuriating smirk and simple cries of the 'how good is that?' kind ...

Never mind, on we go, because we're barely at the base camp of "Ned's" whining ...

Indeed, indeed. Is it wrong to remind the reptiles of this classic howler, inflicted on the hapless Flint only yesterday?

 

 

Oops a daisy ... but do go on ...

 

No sisterhood? Why not then turn to the manly men led by SloMo or perhaps the manly reptiles led by the likes of the bromancer, and get thee to a nunnery, sister ...

Oh wait, it's all the fault of the ABC, but who knew that Tracy Grimshaw was just an ABC stooge?

 

SloMo must summon new emotional resources? Well the pond is here to help, so it's summoned an infallible Pope ...

 

And so to the bonus of the day, because even after nattering "Ned", and the bromancer, the pond insists on a cleansing sorbet, perhaps even a chance to change the general ambience, tone and subject matter for a moment ...

Come on down Riddster, independent scientist, suddenly now an expert in tertiary education ...

 

Well there's not going to be much science here, and the real meaning of the header is painfully transparent ... in many respects, unis will smother the freedom of the Riddster to be a maverick, but at least now he's an expert in tertiary education, and always to hand in reptile pages, we can expect many wonderful insights ...

 

The Riddster chooses DDT and climate science denialism as the hills on which to make his stand? You see, the pond guarantees high comedy, and the Riddster delivers, and best of all, he keeps his comedy stylings short ... though the pond would have loved to have heard his argument in favour of Agent Orange, and the way it improved the lives of the Vietnamese and the soldiers who helped defoliate and pollute the country (ah, the joys of herbicides).

 

Yes, yes, suitable penalties ... it's the appropriate cancel culture way. Defunding, persecution, penalties, perhaps even torture ... that'll larn 'em some decent, dinkum respect ... but how kind of the reptiles go give this independent scientist an odd job or two while waiting on his appeal ...

And so to finish off with a Rowe which happily combines science and art ...

It was jolly decent of Rowe to give SloMo Sharkie togs,  with more discreet Rowe here, because the original was a little bit more upfront, a little more heavy hung, offering the sort of offensive pornography that has blighted western civilisation and made the bromancer think about plucking out his eyes ...

 

In which our Henry returns, a word of praise for working stiffs of the Shanners kind, and time out with the Tories ...

 

The pond was astonished to discover what the reptiles got up to in the wee hours ... 

Sure there was the ongoing, never-ending war on China, but an invitation into the world of a "tastemaker", promising travel and luxury, alongside an offer of specious health advice, with caveats? Oh there were rotating stills promising glamour and grog ...

 

Are things that desperate now in reptile land? What next? Didn't they hear that Paltrow's Goop vagina-smelling candle exploded? That "tastemaker" offered an exploding candle for US$75 ... now there's some fine travel and luxury.

Never mind, on with the usual Friday bilge, and our hole in the bucket's man fine array of prejudices and classical references ...

Nothing would be easier than to say in the marketplace publishers and other folk can hire or fire who they like, and publish what they want, and refuse to publish what they don't like.

But these days in white grievance culture, the grieving and the resentment is enormous, especially amongst older white farts of the grieving 'hole in the bucket' man kind ...

 

Really? The fucking bible, and Adam and Eve, and Eve copping the rap for all the failings of men, and St. bloody Augustine and pioneering scholars of Jewish mysticism, and then the usual worship of Goethe?

 

More at WaPo here (may be paywall affected), but speaking of abrasive and unpleasant men, on we go, in the hope that there's a chance to humanise our Henry ...

 

Oh fucketty fuck, Susan Sontag (and Foucault of course) as the death throes of the unity of mankind? But please, proper and due credit, as the pond asks where did it all begin?

Yes, credit where it's due, it's God wot done it, and don't try to undo what She has determined is right and proper with blather about world literature, and what a fine tower of Babel that malicious fucker made ...

Wiki Bruegel here, as the pond makes the observation that She and her stooges have always been a wretched bunch, but please do not attempt to undo what the Lord has ordained. We wouldn't want our Henry caught out in a state of hubris and defiant pride ...

And so to our Henry's last gobbet ...

 

What remains? Well there's always the Tower of Babel, thanks be unto the lord, and twits in their dotage rabbiting on in the lizard Oz ... and speaking of that, this week has been a bad week for the reptiles.

The pond would like to spare a thought for all those who work away tirelessly in the bowels of Pravda, all the more so when the unthinking SloMo actually dragged News Corp into the whole sorry unfolding events, in a snapping turtle, hissy fit.

 

 

 

Oh yes, it's tough times for the propagandists ... just look at the way Shanners last night moved heaven and earth to look on the bright side of things ...

 

A feeling of relief! And how right to talk of the unfair attacks, and brave SloMo rallying the troops, because it's not as if the government is the actual government, and is expected to do a bit of governing and cleaning out the Augean stables every so often ...

Please then admire the work of the bouffant one as he diligently goes about his hagiographic duties, though wisely he kept it short ...

Thank the long absent lord that after that litany of despair and epic failure, the bouffant one could drag a moth-eaten John Howard out of his hat - an old but venerable trick - and raise his own spirits and that of SloMo and his colleagues after a tough month.

Of course it's all done and dusted now, all those troubles can be put aside and forgotten, uppity, difficult women have had their say and now should return to silence, and the nation can move on to the budget test without the foggiest recollection as to what's gone down ...

What's that you say?

 

Never mind, it's been a tough month, but it's all behind us now, and the budget is the next test ...

The pond rarely pays attention to the loyal reptiles in the engine room, shoveling coal and keeping the boiler full of hot air and steam, but this Friday it would like to honour Shanners, and his dedication to duty ... he should have a Rowe as a reward ...

Shanners can always find more Rowe here ...

 And so to the bonus of the day, and the pond approached it with a heavy heart ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, they didn't drag that moth-eaten, irrelevant, tiresome, epic failure of a Bullingdon prat out of the cupboard did they, as some kind of inspiration for Tories down under?

 

If you want to catch up on the fate of all those fatuous fops, there's a good guide at ITV here ...

One thing's certain. If you want to get women somewhere, you wouldn't start with Dave and Boris and the rest of that gang ... but do go on ...

 

Actually, forget the Caterist Menzies Research Centre, always with its hands open for more government cash in the paw, and forget behavioural economics and forget blather about real-world experience, let's just remember that David Cameron was responsible for the single worst politically expedient decision (even counting in Tony Bleagh's Iraq adventure) in recent British politics ... and the country will be living with that for a long time to come ...

If he's the model, then the Tories down under are fucked ... almost as fucked as the country that decided Boris should be the substitute captain, a man who can barely remember or speak of the women he's had and the children he's produced ...

But the pond does appreciate the chance to revisit Boris's many hits, with many more recorded here ...

 

The pond could go on and on, just like Boris, but best wrap things up ...

Really clever people learn from Dave and Boris? No wonder it's hard yakka for poor old Shanners and the other reptiles these days ...

Nicolle Flint? How did she get into the story? Yes, what's super funny is that the reptiles, true to form, true to nature, made sure we didn't see a snap of Flint as the pointer in the commentary section. 

She was erased, cancelled, and Jason was given the nod ...

 

 

And they probably didn't see either the rich irony or the rich comedy ... but it made the pond's day, and that was the reason the pond ran with the nonsense, just to get to that punchline ...

UPDATE, later in the day:

 

Do the reptiles read the pond? Do they ego surf? Or is just being a reptile sufficient for them to understand their inherent bias and fundamental silliness? Who """ knows, and in the end, who """ cares ... 

Here, have a celebration of women and News Corp and love and pain and the whole damn thing by First Dog, with the full cartoon here ...