The pond admits to some serious crimes of omission, but there are always plenty more reptiles in the sea ...

 

The reptiles are now back in top gear and it's time for the pond to start making choices, deep, hard cuts. 

On the weekend, the pond managed to find space for Lloydie of the Amazon and left him up for a little time this morning, for a morning delight so to speak, but in the meantime the pond had to let go some reptile notables ...

No doubt the chillblain of Blainey in search of elusive truth would appeal to some readers, as would larrikin Luke's celebration of convicts.

It almost cost the pond the chance to run that old cartoon ...

Garrulous Gemma also hit the floor ...

But not to worry, there's plenty more where that came from ... and the pond offers that consoling thought as it contemplates this morning's lizard Oz's digital edition ...

There was the Major perched in his usual top far right position, and yet the pond cruelly decided not to offer him even a single finger, but to cut him ...

The Major spent his column whining about Xian Porter and the Pellists and ploughed deep into the Higgins matter, before doing his best to defend "legendary newsman Steve Barrett", but the pond is over Xian and the Pellists, and has resolutely refused to get involved in the Higgins matter. So the Major got the flick.

Perhaps some mild shock, horror, even a little consternation, but no matter, there was no news of the missing Order of Lenin medal and there were any number of treasures below the fold ...

First up was the Caterist, keen to follow up on Lloydie's excellent work, and whenever the pond wants to learn about climate science or movement of flood waters in quarries, the Caterist is the first the pond calls ...

Naturally the Caterist is keen on any fossil fuel you can name - they don't call him the fossil fool for nothing - so oil also got a mention ... and then it was back to the traditional reptile sport of bashing renewables...

At this point the reptiles interrupted with a snap which seemed to suggest that the Nats were in on the conspiracy ...

It was enough to send the Caterist into a final, howling frenzy ... because, of course, these days he's an environmentalist of the first water. Sure, you can fuck the planet all you like, but whatever you do, don't harm an inch of dinkum soil ...

And so yet again, for the umpteenth time and possibly until the twelfth of never, the Caterist manages to diss climate science ... with climate change a never no mind ... and that explains why the pond never bothers to argue, but simply presents the Caterist in pristine stupidity so that others might marvel...

Then it was on with the beefy boofhead, because frankly the pond hadn't thought about class warfare for quite some time, but that seems to be the newest line ... with the reptiles selecting an elegant snap to help the cause ...

Some time ago, after helping Captain Spud wade into the culture war with Woollies and the right to buy cheap trinkets, the reptiles also determined that tax was to be the great cause ...

This morning's tree killer edition was just another headline in a barrage of offerings ...

All stops have been pulled out, and demonic figures and Satanists paraded ...

But unfortunately there's a limit to reptile powers, and they have to leave some of the job to the likes of the beefy boofhead ... and so enter class wars, and for a lark, the pond headed off to the wiki on class conflict ... as prep for what was to follow ...

The pond couldn't resist that wiki illustration ...

Copyright 1911, so even house of mouse rules meant it was fair game, and a great introduction to the beefy boofheads last gobbet ...

Or perhaps give a tax break to the poor buggers who need it most ...and let the filthy rich take care of themselves ...

Is this the right time to mention that the beefy boofhead recently starred in a Wilcox cartoon? 

Sure it's a repeat, but as the reptiles show on a daily interminable basis, there's nothing wrong with a little repetition ...

But what would the pond know up against the class warrior and Goulburn's beefy boofhead, but in any case it was time to move on ...

There had been a few other casualties and sins of omission ... yesterday for example, this was the centrefold - aye, JC makes a splendid centrefold - with the craven Craven perched in the far right position ...

The pond simply had to let the craven Craven go, off in his fantasy world of anointing and appointing GGs, but JC doing Shakespeare was irresistible and so the pond managed to squeeze him in ...

There's a price to pay ... the pond can barely remember Comrade Dan, it seems such a long time ago in the reptile wars ...but there he was smirking, and a malevolent presence still in the reptile hive mind ...

Comrade Dan as a murderer? A child killer? Even for the pond's fevered imagination, stimulated by reptile nightmares, that seems like a tad of a stretch ...

Of course ever since they discovered Richard's bones, there's been a great deal of revising going on, but as might be expected of JC, he's totally in on Shakespeare ...

Meanwhile, speaking of the fix being in ...Shakespeare’s Richard III - Myth or Reality? Was the real Richard III as villainous as Shakespeare made him out to be? 

That was back in 2018, but despite being omnipotent and all-knowing, it takes this JC a little time to get up to speed ...

‘Child killer’, ‘murderer’, ‘usurper’ are all phrases you would associate with Shakespeare’s greatest villain - Richard III. Thanks largely due to the Shakespearian portrayal, Richard has gone down in history as one of England’s most evil monarchs. So, was the real Richard III truly as monstrous as Shakespeare made him out to be? Well the short answer is no. While Richard was no saint, making a number of misjudgements, and at times showing his ruthless streak, Shakespeare’s representation of Richard is largely inaccurate.

When Richard is first introduced by Shakespeare, he is instantly reviled for his appearance, and his physical deformity continues to be addressed throughout the plays. Shakespeare notoriously portrayed Richard as a hunchback, with a number of defects like his withered arm, and his full set of teeth at birth. Yet in reality, the body of Richard, discovered in a car park in Leicester, shows that although he suffered from scoliosis, which resulted in one shoulder being slightly higher than the other, these deformities were a myth.

    Thou lump of foul deformity.

    — Richard III Act 1 Scene 2 

Richard is showcased as the typical villain, being responsible for a number of murders. Shakespeare depicts him as stabbing Prince Edward along with his brothers, before going to the Tower and dispatching Henry VI. Then during Act I of Richard III, he seemingly plots to become King and engineers the downfall of his brother George, Duke of Clarence by having him sent to the tower and eventually murdered. 

Again, this is a major fabrication and in fact Richard proved extremely loyal to his brother, performing as a successful military commander during the Wars of the Roses. His loyalty was rewarded with control of the North and on Edward’s death, he was considered the principal statesman of the realm. Richard took no part in either the death of King Henry VI or Edward, with the former’s death most likely on the orders of Edward IV, while his son died at the Battle of Tewkesbury. Although Richard and George had a hostile relationship due to issues of inheritance, it was Edward IV who tired of George’s antics and ordered his execution for treason in 1478.

Ah, the bones, and the reptiles themselves followed up with a snap singularly lacking in deformity, but no doubt coming cheap for the depleted graphics department ...

Meanwhile, JC was all in on the comrade Dan/Richard III thing ...

As for poor old Richard?

So how should we judge Richard? I’d argue that we have to understand the context. Richard had grown up in turbulent times. In the space of twenty-two years, England had seen the throne change hands as many as four times. His father and brother had been killed when Richard was just a young boy. At eighteen, Richard was forced to flee the country after his brother, Edward IV was overthrown by Warwick, with the support of their disloyal brother George. So by 1483 when Richard acceded to the throne, it's fair to say that he had seen his fair share of intrigue and bloodshed. In a period where decisions were truly a matter of life or death, Richard’s aim must have simply been to survive and so if we can’t sympathise with Richard’s actions, we can start to understand why he chose to do what he did. If nothing else, Richard was a man of his time.

You won't get any of that mamby pamby attitude from JC. To hell with the man, says JC, and as an omnipotent being, we should respect his astonishing insights ... as he goes full Killer mode, only stopping short of horse pills, bleach and a fear of masks ...

There's just one problem JC, those bones simply provided no evidence for the crookback king, but your piece does provide considerable evidence that you're a man consumed by bile, in an advanced splenetic condition ...

You will, as a student of ancient times, be familiar with the condition ... and the art and science of humorism, which isn't to be humourist in your own inimitable way ...

The Human body contains blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile. These are the things that make up its constitution and cause its pains and health. Health is primarily that state in which these constituent substances are in the correct proportion to each other, both in strength and quantity, and are well mixed. Pain occurs when one of the substances presents either a deficiency or an excess, or is separated in the body and not mixed with others. The body depends heavily on the four humors because their balanced combination helps to keep people in good health. Having the right amount of humor is essential for health. The pathophysiology of disease is consequently brought on by humor excesses and/or deficiencies.

It would seem that too much bile is the problem here, though there's so much biliousness, it's hard to pick the colour ...

Yellow bile
Yellow bile was associated with a choleric nature (ambitious, decisive, aggressive, and short-tempered). It was thought to be fluid found within the gallbladder, or in excretions such as vomit and feces. The associated qualities for yellow bile are hot and dry with the natural association of summer and fire. It was believed that an excess of this humor in an individual would result in emotional irregularities such as increased anger or irrational behaviour.
Black bile
Black bile was associated with a melancholy nature, the word melancholy itself deriving from the Greek for 'black bile', μέλαινα χολή (melaina kholé). Depression was attributed to excess or unnatural black bile secreted by the spleen.  Cancer was also attributed to an excess of black bile concentrated in a specific area.  The seasonal association of black bile was to autumn as the cold and dry characteristics of the season reflect the nature of man.

Whatever, JC, cut back on the bile, you'll feel the better for it, and you might also abandon sociology for a moment and catch up on the study of Shakespeare's somewhat easy way with history...

And so to another thing the pond missed ...

The Graudian was all over it, and if it wasn't so tragic it would have been hugely funny ...

There was  Revealed: UK granted asylum to Rwandan refugees while arguing country was safe Home Office said refugees’ fear of persecution was ‘well-founded’, undermining Rishi Sunak’s claims about East African country

There was Well-camouflaged dictatorship’: Rwandans fear for safety while dirty tricks campaign undermines critics, Kagame’s government targeted journalists who uncovered killings, disappearances and torture linked to the regime

There was I criticised Rwanda’s leader – now I wake up screaming after constant online attacks.

It had settled a little by this morning, but the pond still cherished this cartoon ...