In which in the absence of the puppet master, the pond refuses to waste time with the puppet, and turns to the hack's hack for a little light awards relief ...

 

The pond was delighted to see Patrick Marlborough's suggestion in Crikey (paywall) of counter-programming for the No campaign. 

Apparerntly hey should accept Don Draper's advice and bring on TISM as the antidote, on the basis TISM were wild. TISM were crazy. TISM didn’t make sense. Just like the No campaign...And just like TISM, you’re doing it on purpose.

Given the pond's preference for TISM over the cleaning lady's music, this made perfect sense, and the argument was incontrovertible: Let the Yes campaign have their intergenerational schmaltz montage. Let them have their narrative of hope and change. Let them take voters on a journey with a beginning, middle and end. Let them move the sentimental and the cynical to tears. It won't matter when you are going to lead them to insanity...

The threats accompanying the proposal were real and terrifying, though the pond can only offer a sample:

[The next slide shows a photo of Parliament in 2026. Every member is clearly Aboriginal, besides Penny Wong.]

[The next slide shows MARCIA LANGTON leading PLUCKA DUCK to a guillotine.]

[The next slide depicts CATHY FREEMAN replacing KING CHARLES on the dollar coin]

[A slide depicting TONY ARMSTRONG hosting a reboot of The Footy Show]

Okay, okay, enough spoilers, the rest of the comedy is at Crikey, tough because it's behind the paywall, but it's about the only way that the pond will be mentioning the campaign in the remaining weeks. 

Already the pond has endured enormous personal sacrifice and suffering. Fancy turning down a Moorice column, fancy banning Gary Johns before he's even showed up.

Is there anybody else to hand this day and ready for a red card? 

The pond anxiously scanned the top of the lizard Oz edition ... wasn't this the day that the reptiles ran petulant Peta, the puppet master? Surely she'd be right for a red card ...

What's that, they couldn't find the puppet master, so they sent out the puppet?

Tribal chieftain? Could he have been any more offensive? 

The pond supposes he could have been. He could have quoted Corporal Jones, They don't like it up them, the fuzzy wuzzies. As for the great man of history theory, how come it's being proposed by an onion-munching gnat, who made his name smuggling budgies and bringing back knights? Red card, with bar, and never mind the pond's deep sense of personal loss ...

Meanwhile, that pleading for Qatar alongside the onion muncher set the scene for the immortal Rowe of the day ...

Of course, of course, and Mr Ed is a horse, and yes, a voice for Qatar and the strip searching of women.

Meanwhile, down below, the pond discovered that the lizard Oz had set up a whole section dedicated to being offensive, just to make sure the onion muncher wasn't alone ...

Funny, over at the Graudian you could read Labor demands investigation into Liberal party’s ‘misleading’ postal vote strategy for the voice, or perhaps Marcia Langton warns no vote in voice referendum could be ‘mandate to cause us even further harm’.

Wasn't Marcia at the Press Club? Oh that's right, the reptiles don't really consider themselves the press, more Chairman Rupert's bandidos.

That noted, the pond moved on, and began to wonder if this was the day that not a single reptile made the cut, and the pond packed its bags and retired early ...

What a relief. Not the rest of the rabble, not the likes of Ted and Tom and the lizard Oz editorialist, but at last a chance to spend some quality time with a truly distinguished Chairman Rupert hack, the hack's hack, the bouffant one with the distinguished grey hair and the tie and the immaculate presentation, Shanners himself ... (settle, there might be an Angelic one on the weekend) ...

Ah, the Pulitzers and a chance to stroll down memory lane, and the pond gives thanks to one of chairman Rupert's more endurable shills for the chance ...

Those come from here back in 2022, and the pond couldn't resist a few more ...

There's a couple more, including the writer's generous support for simpleton Sharri's deep thinking on Wuhan, but the pond decided to cut its losses and get back to the reptile's prize hack of hacks for another gobbet...

Ah, the good old star of Citizen Kane, and who knows what that talk of rosebud might mean, though from chairman Rupert acting like a randy old goat, the pond has a fair guess.

The pond thanks this princely hack of hacks for the cue to revert to the venerable Meade to celebrate the Ruperts ...

What fun it was, though the pond regrets that it can only vaguely remember that Dore might have been shown the door ...

The pond is forced to admit with dismay and chagrin that it has never covered the Ruperts, never mentioned the parade of winners once ... please allow the pond to remedy the deficiency, though the pond perversely decided to wander past huge snaps of the usual suspects, including one of simpleton Sharri smirking like a stunned mullet winner, and instead opened the envelope to announce sundry winners ...

Indeed, indeed, winners all, and allow the pond to get past another snap, and quote the conclusion ...

“Our role has never been more important, for without questioning our choices and examining the outcomes, our society cannot learn from history and will repeat the worst of our mistakes.”

News Corp chief executive Robert Thomson said: “We are today more digital, more mobile, more global. And yet we cannot be complacent. We cannot be ­satisfied or smug, but must regard our shared success as a starting point for the future and for what is to come.”

Sorry, the pond almost overlooked the self-satisfied, smug, and bloated sense of self-importance with which that report started off, with much celebration of the reptiles at the lizard Oz...

Yes, it was a stellar night for the Ruperts and for News Corp awarding gongs to News Corp journalists. And they say that tedious, tawdry award ceremonies have lost all meaning ...

By the way, that mention of antisemitic Keith allows the pond a final distraction, relating to Monash ...

...This anti-Semitic backlash was spearheaded by Charles Bean and Keith Murdoch, who conspired amongst themselves see to the dismissal of Monash. Bean was the official Australian war historian at the time. Keith Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch’s father, was a journalist. The two of them began a campaign to try and convince the upper echelons of Australia’s military that Monash was at best incompetent; at worst, a German spy.

Bean wrote, of Monash, “We do not want Australia represented by men mainly because of the ability, natural and inborn in Jews, to push themselves forward.” Eventually, their hate-filled lies reached the ears of Prime Minister Billy Hughes, who became convinced that Monash should be relieved of command. Hughes personally traveled to Monash’s camp before the Battle of Hamel, to relieve him of duty. Upon arriving at the camp, and speaking directly with the officers, he realized that Monash was not at fault, and changed his mind. By then, the damage had already been done. The slander thrown out by Murdoch and Bean is largely credited with why Monash never attained the rank of Field Marshal during the war, despite his many accolades and accomplishments during and after it.

And with that tribute to the Keiths and the Ruperts, the pond can return for a final gobbet from the hack's hack ...

At last a true enough observation. Journalism in Australia is already in deep doo dah in terms of losing public trust, and we don't need the hack's hack's reminder that Ampol is a fossil fuel company to remember the lizard Oz's relentless offerings of climate science denialism. It's way past time for a Rupert for Lloydie of the Amazon, a Rupert for the Caterist, and a lifetime Rupert climate science denialist achievement award for the dog botherer and for Major Mitchell ... (relax, Lloydie of the Amazon will get there too, he just needs to work a little harder).

Sadly all the pond can offer as a prize is a cartoon ...

Speaking of awards, the pond also couldn't help noticing this, which is what passes for humour in legal eagle world ...

Uh huh, the pond immediately suspected a wayward lizard Oz journalist had fled chairman Rupert and gone into law, and the text confirmed it ... if not an actual reptile, then surely a devoted reader of the reptiles, because, you know, just the mention of woke and virtue signalling is a side-splitting gut buster in legal eagle land ...

Girlies, girlies, settle, get around behind, it's just manly men doing what manly men do when they're not off using their legal eagle fees to buy a car with an exhaust big enough to reflect the size of their manly pricks ...

The pond supposes it should offer the final gobbet about what passes for legal eagle humour amongst manly pricks ...

And with that the pond must reluctantly bring proceedings to a close ... even though that last line invited the old movie line,  "and then", only to get the answer "no 'and then'" ...

Dude, where's my gigantic car, with an exhaust that reflects the size of my prick ...

And so to close with the infallible Pope of the day, strangely also on the matter of journalists and journalism ...