In which women and girls learn to be scientists, onion muncher style, the dog botherer composes a listicle and the reptiles don't care, and "Ned" natters and who can stay awake?

 

Great news women and girls ... today is your day ...

Now there might be some women and girls who have an anxiety attack, but please, relax, the reptiles this day have mounted a convincing explanation of how you need absolutely no knowledge of science to have a splendid career in science. 

There's absolutely no need for messy fieldwork, no need to head off to Iceland or Antarctica and mess up your pretty little heads, no need for peer-reviewed papers, no need for wasted time in the lab, when you might gad about preening and posturing and getting yourself published in the lizard Oz ...

Yes, the reptiles arranged for the onion muncher to be on hand to celebrate girlies in science day ...

Some might think this pretty poor form, what with blather of the ego driven kind and a blizzard of "I's", as in "as a total failure as a prime minister, I regularly affirmed coal as the way forward, and noted the the way the pesky, tricky weather was always changing", but women and girls once you get on the science without science bandwagon, there's no way you can be deterred or prised away from the prize ...

Oh they might try, they might howl and whine ... but just put on a smug smirk and go about the business of doing science without science ...

You see girlies, they'll talk about a journey into unreality, but you'll be able to rely on the reptiles running a splendid shot of you, showing you as a giant among political giants, and then you can continue boldly on with your career of science without science ...

Ah yes, the climate emergency doomsters. Women and girls, you will occasionally meet these neighsayers and might even be alarmed to discover that they have actual scientific credentials and do field work and publish peer-reviewed papers and such tedious like, but rest assured, such miscreants are never seen in the lizard Oz, and you can have a field day practising science without science ...

You can join the oblivious, led by the oblivious ...

Don't be alarmed or misled by the poor, the enfeebled and the affected... remember a career in science without science means never having to worry ... sometimes eggs or records get broken, but if anyone doubts you, flourish your science degree at them. (Oh they might show a snap of floods, but enough already with the fearmongering, remember science without science will handle such trifles, though it's best to have a lot of faux data to hand so you can gabble away).

How might you pontificate and sound like a prat and a blowhard? Well it's simple ... just write off for your degree in science ... and soon one will arrive, and at a modest cost ... and then you can join the onion muncher doing science without science

And after you've burnished your impeccable scientific credentials, you can celebrate science, safe in the knowledge that you too can get published in the lizard Oz doing great science ...

Yes, and never mind the reality of a fucked planet, a career in science without science is there for the taking ...

Sadly, much as it enjoyed science without science day, the pond must move on to other news, and for once it will allow the dog botherer to continue his quixotic tilting at windmills, though unhappily this outing doesn't allow him to show his own expertise at science without science, which on a good day is up there with the onion muncher's expertise ...

Why did the pond allow the dog botherer to come in with his listicle? Well it's because this day the dog botherer is unutterably quaint, as the poor old thing is once again pushing for his old mate Pearson, against a horde of contending reptiles...

Look at the company the dog botherer was keeping this day ...

Was the dog botherer's spine shivering, was he quaking in his boots? No, he was valiantly tackling the reptile hordes ... apparently entirely unaware of the way the Murdochians, his very own reptile chums, were all in on a sabotage mission ...

Meanwhile, in the lizard Oz this weekend, when not scribbling about "the Higgins trial" in a scurrilous way - though when the pond last checked Higgins wasn't on trial - Dame Slap was at it again, with a monomaniacal obsessiveness that puts the dog botherer to shame ...

It's true it's odd for Dame Slap to align herself with Lidia, but it's even weirder to see the dog botherer wanting to avoid associating himself with his barking mad chums, as they howl at the racist moon ...

  

At this point some might be wondering about the listicle, and the pond has delayed enough ... here it comes, with the dog botherer daring to tackle the mutton served as Dutton, by providing answers to questions that never really expected or wanted answers ...

Now it's a pity about the formatting, and the way the chairman snatched away the space bar on reptile keyboards as a money-saving measure, but please, remember this is the dog botherer, daring to answer back to the mutton Dutton in a very cheeky way, so please make allowances ...

And with that done, the world has been spared the dog botherer celebrating science without science, and looks forward to his resignation from Sky and the lizard Oz, as a tremendous protest against the ongoing campaign by News Corp to fuck the voice (and fuck the planet too, why not chew gum and massage the tummy at the same time?)

Ask the reptiles to think long and hard? Ask Dame Slap to think long and hard? 

Ask the spine-shivering Louise Clegg to think long and hard? 

Ask who Louise Clegg is married to, and think long and hard when the news comes back that it's the beefy boofhead and windmill hater with an office in Goulburn?

Why that way leads to madness and back to the celebration of science without science ...

Bing as you will you AI freaks, and the pond would like to keep on with the reading, what with Angus Taylor behind decision to delay energy price rise report until after 2022 election ...

But it's the weekend, and it's been a gloomy week in Sydney, and the pond has already done plenty of science without science, expert though the beefy boofhead isin the art, what with windmills being the ruination of the planet, but at this moment, the pond can think of no greater service to humanity than to send everyone back to bed for a good snooze, and the best thing is, the solution the pond offers is chemical free and guaranteed not to be addictive...

The reptiles provide the sedative, and the pond serves it up, in the shape of a natter by "Ned"...

You see the pond just had to run with "Ned's" natter, because of the astonishing evidence that the lizard Oz's graphics department remains alive, and is capable of remarkable work ...

All that idle talk of job cuts, and yet see the dismal graphics offered by the Graudian ...

What a pathetic illustration, and let's face it, one in twenty is hardly a one in ten decimation ...

Then the reptiles went even better with a gigantic snap of Satan himself, with his chief minion slumped in despair on the bench ...

Now the pond can hear a few worried voices. Why is Satan out of focus and his minion not so soft?

More to the point, is it possible to have a good weekend snooze when "Ned" is in full Chicken Little mode, in full cry, the apocalypse is coming, the rapture is impending, and running about like a chook tin the backyard hat's lost its head to an axe, blood spurting everywhere?

Well it was the pond's duty provide bedtime reading, and after talk of the monster lurking under the bed - what a laugh that was - the pond always found a fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm would send the young 'un nodding off to a contented sleep ...

And so it is with "Ned", and the pond always suggests finishing off the bedtime reading with a recitation of "We'll all be be rooned," said Nedrahan, in accents most forlorn, outside the church like all good reptiles scribbling for the Catholic Boys daily, ere mass began, one frosty Sunday morn ....

The full version is here, and it helps keep "Ned's" FUD in context ...

Now at this point the reptiles introduced a truly scary monster, but the pond didn't want to harm stray readers, so cut the scary monster down to size ...

Then everybody could get back to celebrating how we'll all be rooned, in accents most Nedlorn ...

How much more can a possum take, how much more can a koala bear? Well the good news is that there's only two gobbets to go, and then there'll be a cartoon celebrating all that talk of government's lack of judgment ...

You see? Your eyes are getting heavy, your brain has gone comfortably numb, you feel like a brick in a fuckwitted Roger Waters' wall,  you're beginning to nod off, it's snooze fest time, quick, you can do it ...

There's just one gobbet to go ...

"Ned" almost got to the pond's favourite line, beloved of politicians. "Much has been done, but much remains to be done ..."

"This task has a long way to run" doesn't quite match up to lines like "We've achieved a lot, but much remains to be done ..."

And so to that promised cartoon by the infallible Pope, and well might we note the judgment of the federal government, and say much has been done to fuck the poor and the hapless and the vulnerable, but much more remains to be done ... and as one nears the end of his journey, others will be eager to line up to help ...

It's always the details ... details that "Ned's" natter and the reptiles nattering always seems to miss ...