Yesterday was a traumatic day for the pond, but for light reading it could turn to Crikey for much comedy about The Oz, junior version of the lizard Oz, targeted at maroons of the vulgar youff kind...
The opening gambit (paywall) was satisfyingly rich and dense ...
It was always going to be a Sisyphean task when the most conservative newspaper in the country launched a site hoping to capture a younger audience. And five months into The Australian’s youth title The Oz, the venture does seem ill-fated.
The publication has found middling engagement on social media but more significantly it is yet to reckon with the political and cultural chasm between The Australian‘s core audience and the readers it hopes to capture.
The national broadsheet has never been a publication for young people. Open the pages of The Australian and you’ll learn millennials are dour and anxious, they berate the old and the frail and they couldn’t possibly fathom the coronavirus outbreak because they have been protected from all risk and hardship and don’t have the attention span to listen to politicians. Not to mention the disdain the paper has shown for literal children — whether it is Greta Thunberg or LGBTQIA+ kids who were the subject of their feral media coverage during the paper’s relentless campaign against a federally funded program launched to support them.
It would be too easy to lazily link to the paper’s many opinion columns insulting anyone under the age of 40, just as we could gather examples from youth media that group all baby boomers as rich, self-interested buffoons who take blurry photos on their iPads. (Many boomers are poor, some are working in the interests of others, and we’re sure a few take blurry photos on their iPhones.) But really it isn’t about individual columnists — it comes down to editorial priorities, and The Australian’s priorities have historically been completely at odds with what most people care about.
Investors, landlords and homeowners over renters. Employers over workers. Infinite growth over sustainability. Division over inclusivity. The relentless promotion of fossil fuels over the documentation of the effects of climate change. The venom directed at those in academia and the arts. The disdain for industrial action and climate protests. The failure to include diverse voices. The sexism or, at best, the indulgence of a kind of neoliberal corporate feminism serving puff pieces about women venture capitalists or mining girl bosses...
The publication has found middling engagement on social media but more significantly it is yet to reckon with the political and cultural chasm between The Australian‘s core audience and the readers it hopes to capture.
The national broadsheet has never been a publication for young people. Open the pages of The Australian and you’ll learn millennials are dour and anxious, they berate the old and the frail and they couldn’t possibly fathom the coronavirus outbreak because they have been protected from all risk and hardship and don’t have the attention span to listen to politicians. Not to mention the disdain the paper has shown for literal children — whether it is Greta Thunberg or LGBTQIA+ kids who were the subject of their feral media coverage during the paper’s relentless campaign against a federally funded program launched to support them.
It would be too easy to lazily link to the paper’s many opinion columns insulting anyone under the age of 40, just as we could gather examples from youth media that group all baby boomers as rich, self-interested buffoons who take blurry photos on their iPads. (Many boomers are poor, some are working in the interests of others, and we’re sure a few take blurry photos on their iPhones.) But really it isn’t about individual columnists — it comes down to editorial priorities, and The Australian’s priorities have historically been completely at odds with what most people care about.
Investors, landlords and homeowners over renters. Employers over workers. Infinite growth over sustainability. Division over inclusivity. The relentless promotion of fossil fuels over the documentation of the effects of climate change. The venom directed at those in academia and the arts. The disdain for industrial action and climate protests. The failure to include diverse voices. The sexism or, at best, the indulgence of a kind of neoliberal corporate feminism serving puff pieces about women venture capitalists or mining girl bosses...
Lazily link? Oh come now, the pond does more than that, it presents the reptiles in their pristine purity ...
There was also a link to a tweet, and knowing how the reptiles hate twitter it was irresistible, and took the pond's mind off the morality police, thereby preventing the pond from joining the rioting ...
And so on, and so forth, but eventually the pond had to turn to today's offerings, while promising not to get carried away.
The reptiles, always thoughtful, helped ensure the pond would restrict itself to just two offerings, though clearly somebody at the lizard Oz has a sensa huma.
How else to explain this poignant juxtaposition?
Good one Dimitri, we don't need more economists, not when we have a good groaning to hand, and Ticky roaming at large ...
And so to the Groaner, doing an exemplary groan ...
While it's germane to the groaner's groan, the pond also loved the cartoon ...
Well there's no need to contemplate the offending graph, because we've already seen one splendid graph, and the keen Keane came up with another ...
And speaking of exclusive, how exclusive is it to enjoy a good groaning? The reptiles thought it so splendid that they whacked some click bait videos on, just to keep the wolf from the door ...
Ah yes, the oldest routine of all ... it's a great time to be treasurer, the muppets will muck it up, and then we'll all be calling for the reptiles to send in the kraken, or at least the mutton Dutton, because, pace the keen Keane, they did it so well in the past ...
Meanwhile, it seems that the pond nightmare is finally coming to an end ...
Last night the ABC was littered with endless wall to wall footage of doings in a foreign land, forcing the pond to turn to a "royal" the pond could cope with, a serve of the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra, not a shabby band at all ... with the pond settling for the light fare of their "made in America" set ...
Still, it seemed that the reptiles were determined to produce one last flourish at the top of the digital page ...
The pond's heart sank. Amid all the blather, the bromancer had chosen this very moment to return, with an asinine comparison linking the British monarch to a cricketer ...
And yet, even though the bromancer had come over all Flinty, and carried on in a remarkably stupid way about a monarchist republic, the pond's loyalty kicked in to gear ...
Run the bromancer up the flag pole, and the pond will always salute ...
Fuck them, fuck all the morality polices everywhere ...
Next thing you know the pond might have started brooding about Prince Andrew and wondering if there might be a case, if not for a morality police, perhaps a sense of morality ...
As the duke followed his mother’s coffin from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Hall on Wednesday, fresh reports linked to the scandal emerged from the US.
A former US attorney, Geoffrey Berman, who was leading the investigation, has claimed in a book published on Tuesday that US prosecutors were eager to talk to Andrew about his friendship with billionaire financier Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. Epstein’s former girlfriend was sentenced to 20 years in prison on sex-trafficking charges in New York in June.
The prince, Berman writes, “stated publicly that he would cooperate with the investigation, and we intended to give him a chance to make good on his word”.
But though Andrew “kept publicly saying that he was cooperating in the Epstein investigation”, Berman writes, that “was not true”.
After wrangling with lawyers, prosecutors then tried to compel the prince to cooperate using a mutual legal assistance treaty request via the US state department, Berman said, adding such requests had always worked both ways before.
“But that was not what happened with Prince Andrew,” he writes. “We got absolutely nowhere. Were they protecting him? I presume someone was.”
The sense of entitlement is strong in that one ...
"Prince Andrew has no future as a senior working royal, although reports indicate he is not reconciled to this. " (more at the Graudian)
Were they protecting him?
Why it's just the Firm at work dear boy, together with diligent forelock-tugging sycophants of the Flinty and bromancer kind ...
And now for the bromancer to go full Flinty, and for those too young to remember ...
...to anyone who bothers to examine the question historically, as both John Howard and Tony Abbott have, Australia is already a republic ─ a crowned republic. (the pond prefers not to link to the Speccie mob).
A crowned republic!
Whenever the pond reads that line, it produces a gale of laughter and a good mood for the rest of the day, and the bromancer was determined to replicate the feat ...
When the bromancer is doing stand-up and is on a roll, it seems wrong to interrupt but that shrewd observation of the shrewdness of the onion muncher was simply too much shrewdness to take ...
The return of the bromancer could breathe new life into the pond ... even after the final gobbet the pond was hooked again, in a way that sugar straight to the tummy or a shot of junk to the eyeball could never manage ...
Yep, it was all summed up by Wilcox ...
The bromancer's critical faculties as always set to -100Db.
As for that concluding arcane cricket metaphor?
After diligent research of the kind Dame Groan does, the pond got it, and came to understand there's even a Facebook page dedicated to I Hate Kerry O'Keeffe ...
There is of course a simpler solution ... avoid subscribing to a Murdochian channel, avoid watching cricket, or pray for rain, avoid King Chuck III, steer clear of any talking tampon you might bump into, and arrange your own royal celebrations ...
Crikey: "that group all baby boomers as rich, self-interested buffoons who take blurry photos on their iPads." Oh don't I just wish, but I was born too soon; I'm a Silent and not a Boomer. And I don't have an iPad.
ReplyDelete"Good one Dimitri, we don't need more economists". Actually, I reckon we do: we really need some actual, capable, knowledgeable economists in the Reserve Bank and especially in the Productivity Commission (and defintely no more Groanies !).
ReplyDeleteThe pond should have said no more economists of the lizard Oz kind for the sake of clarity, though the co-joining in the triptych of unholy sights implied it ...
DeletePoint taken, DP, but just because they aren't actual lizard Oz kind of economists doesn't mean they're actually any good at their job. There's a whole bunch who contribute to Nine Media who are barely any better.
DeleteAt last the Bradman of Bromance returns! And as far as his views on the monarchy are concerned we all know what type of Republicanism the Bromancer espouses... more GOP than ARM I think.
ReplyDeletePlus I would be amazed if Chuck noticed the Bromancer's absence. I doubt he even knew the twerp was invited and Sheridan is pushing the boundaries of bromantic fantasy in his fatuous statement that he "stood up" the prince. He's totally up himself!
Actually this piece was more of a thinly veiled attack on anyone attempting to correct the colonialist record than a comment on the reign of Her Lizzieness. By referencing the Irish Potato Famine and concluding that "No one alive...bears any responsibility for something that happened 200 years ago" the Bromancer is, by inference, dogwhistling John Howard's white blindfold view of Australian history, where those who now enjoy the fruits of colonialism refuse to acknowledge any accountability for its tragic repercussions. It's all part of the ongoing reptile pile-on against movements such as the Voice which are attempting to reconcile the past in an honest and civil manner.
Ok, well maybe the Bromancer has a point - a very, very little one to be sure, but a point: no, we can't be expected to accept direct and personal responsibility for something done even before we existed. But is 'direct and personal' responsibility the only possible kind ? The Bro claims to be an Xtian of the Roman variety, so he should be aware of "Am I my brother's keeper ?" Now ignoring who supposedly said that and when (goodbye Abel) what responsibilities can we, and should we, accept if we answer that question with "yes" ?
DeleteWell, at least we should be asking what we might learn from imposing starvation on a lot of Irish people: what allowed this to happen and have we taken all reasonable steps to avoid it happening again: have we examined our society and our laws and legal system and our military to ensure none of those things would allow this ever to happen again ? And have we taught those events in our schools so that, at the very least, our citizens will grow up not wondering why many peoples around the world aren't exactly enamoured of the British Empire or particularly admiring of our recently deceased Queen.
After all, according to the Bromancer, she's great because throughout 70-odd years of "majesty" she said very, very little and did absolutely nothing. So can we conclude that she, like the Bro, would answer that question with: "No, I am not my brother's (or sister's) keeper and I don't give a damn about anybody else, either."
So it goes.
Come to think of it, I’ve occasionally thought that I’ve done very little in my life. Does that mean that, going by the Bromancer’s definition, I am now “Majestic”?
DeleteWhy go back 200 years, 79 years will do the trick
Deletehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengal_famine_of_1943#1942%E2%80%931944:_Refusal_of_imports
You could almost say there's a pattern
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_major_famines_in_India_during_British_rule
If you want something more recent try the Malayan or Kenyan insurgencies.
Well the Peterloo Massacre (1819) is just over 200 years ago, and that was Brits against lower-cast, non-voting Brits and it didn't start there. So I guess we could really just about pick any starting date and have a heap of fine examples of British "justice". Take your pick.
DeleteI guess the real point is that it's impossible to look at actual history and maintain the sort of delusions that have been rolled out over the last couple of weeks.
DeletePersonally, I'm more bored than angry but it's starting to wear a bit thin. I suspect we will get a mini version of this when the rodent falls off the perch.
Our Dame Groan seems to have been anaesthetised by very recent comments by reptiles and those who abide in the Sky that everything to do with the Whitlam dismissal has been found to be absolutely consistent with convention, and, of course, quite justified.
ReplyDeleteSo she mutters about 'net debt', with some recent, eye-watering numbers, from both sides. One simple fact of the Whitlam administration, even as Fraser was claiming it was necessary to take extraordinary action because of it was sending the nation into bankruptcy, was that, at that time - Australia had no net debt. Well, the number was negative.
But, of course, Fraser had to barge in - in the national interest, of course.
There are lies, damned lies and political boasts and claims.
DeleteKez wrote
ReplyDelete"Plus I would be amazed if Chuck noticed the Bromancer's absence. I doubt he even knew the twerp was invited and Sheridan is pushing the boundaries of bromantic fantasy in his fatuous statement that he "stood up" the prince. He's totally up himself!"
Kez, you are spot on.
Further, the more I thought about it the more it became apparent to me that
Sheridan made up the whole episode.
What young journalist is going to forget a "get" with the Prince of Wales?
He would have had his immediate boss and a senior editor or two
checking that he went and putting his ass in a sling if he didn't.
My Aussie Studies lead me to believe that he is in fact a furphy
spewing boof head who is not remotely fair dinkum.
No way, no how.
Very good indeed with the Aussie jargon, JM - when are you migrating ? But I am curious as to whether you are familiar with the origin and 'literal' meaning of "furphy" and its relationship to Tri via.
DeleteGB,
DeleteMigration, hmmm.
I have been doing the hard yards picking up on your language stylings, but
I'd have to have roos in the top paddock to come right off the boat and
attempt to use Joisey accented strine on the locals in a pub in, say,
a Tamworth, even if I shouted the joint.
I'd rather be pissed on by a drunk koala, to quote a certain blogger.
GB, please do share regarding "furphy" and it's history as I always
have had a keen interest in etymology
Don't worry about your accent, JM; Aussies are quite used to American speech. After all, it was what we mostly got on TV right from day one - plus a bit of Pom and some local, of course. And by the way, did you know that Angela Lansbury - a bit of Pom accent well known in the USA - is still alive at 96.
DeleteAnyway, a furphy is a water truck made by the Furphy company and generally pulled by a big draught horse (when full of water the tanks are very heavy) which used to form a gathering point - for a drink of water plus a yarn or two - for Aussie diggers in WWI. Thus, they became known for exchanges of 'gossip' amongst the troops:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furphy
Tri Via (derived from trivium) was a meeting point for three (tri) roads (via) in ancient Rome where the citizens would gather for a break in their travels and exchange 'gossip'.
https://uselessetymology.com/2020/09/05/965/
And here - dating back to 1958 in origin - is a fancy version of the theme tune from one of those sources of American accent:
Deletehttps://music.youtube.com/watch?v=MIKSQT-oXfc
Almost like a 'flash mob.
Hi Mike. I think you are right about the bromancer making the whole thing up. To say he "forgot" to attend sounds quite far-fetched to me.
DeleteAnyway, in relation to you shouting the pub at Tamworth here's a neat academic link that might help in your Strine studies. As GB said, Aussies are very well acquainted with American accents and can mimic them quite easily. Americans, however, have a lot of trouble with our dipthongs. But if you're shouting the bar no one will give a rat's about your bloody dipthongs!
https://slll.cass.anu.edu.au/centres/andc/meanings-origins/d
Yair, Aussies are right on with thongs, especially of the dip kind. But not so much of the yankee kind.
DeleteGB,
DeleteThat version of Peter Gunn is one of the best, and from a outfit from Qatar!
Thanks for the trivia regarding Tri Via, which reminds me of crossroads,
where the Romans buried suicides.
If I do get to a bar your way one day, knowing the origin of furphy may
just get me over in the pub quiz.
As for US TV series playing in Oz, your lot have started to displace
some of the ubiquitous British imports on our PBS stations.
Dr. Blake Mysteries, Nova, Packed To The Rafters, McLeod's Daughters,
800 Words and a charming kid's show "Bluey" which my niece's daughter
makes me watch when I babysit.
Kez,
Thanks for that link, it's much appreciated.
"But if you're shouting the bar no one will give a rat's about your bloody dipthongs!"
That gave me a good laugh. If Victorian lad GB walked into my old local The
Jolly Trolly and bought rounds for the house we would have gladly joined
him in singing the club song for the Melbourne Demons or whomever he
roots for. Make that "barrack for" not root.
Oh when the Saints
DeleteGo marching in ...
And yes, I was there at the MCG on that day back in 1966 when the crowd erupted into that song as the siren rang on their 1 point defeat of Collingwood.
Incidentally, the word "barrack" may or may not come from the Irish, but the story about it in Melbourne is that in the very early days of Aussie Rules, there were few grounds big enough for a proper game of "footy" but there was one down on St Kilda Rd where a lot of early games were played. But the ground was quite near the St Kilda Rd military 'barracks' (the Victoria Barracks) so on a Saturday arvo the soldiers would come down to the ground and provide verbal support for one or another team.
DeleteThus it was said that the very noisily verbal "barrackers" (soldiers) were integral to the game, and henceforth any noisy supporters were called "barrackers".
Oh and yes, St Kilda (suburb and road) is named after the British St Kilda Islands up off the north west Scottish coast.
“The Bradman of Royals….”. The one thing that distinguished Don Bradman was that he was a magnificent batsman. Other than that, by most accounts he was narrow-minded, reactionary and bigoted, with an extremely limited range of interests. Was that what the Bro had in mind in making his comparison?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThe procession to Westminster Abbey was superbly done, and I found it dredged up some old imperial nostalgia that was pumped in during schooldays. But it was so militaristic, and I wondered if that was still necessary. In ancient times it was probably there to frighten anyone who thought now might be a good time to overthrow the incoming ruler.
If the Germans accompanied a dead president to the grave with men in Panzer and Luftwaffe uniforms we would be aghast, same if the Japanese tried it with samurai.
But I wouldn’t mind watching the Italians do it with centurions.
From the Pluto Press (UK) website "The British monarchy is an outdated, imperial project. This long weekend sees the state funeral of Queen Elizabeth II. For all comrades hiding from the pomp, and feeling malaise, here is a reading list of the many evils of imperialism. Queen Elizabeth II never apologized for the Crown’s colonial legacy of looting from the Global South, or the violence it engendered across the globe. So we won’t apologise for calling for the end of the monarchy, and exposing the evils of empire and colonialism."
ReplyDeleteHi J.
DeleteSorry. Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPcFalcG9UU
Good one, Diddy.
Delete