In which the pond is so astonished by the Monday array of delights at the lizard Oz that it has resorted to a mega omnibus of reptile pleasures ...

 

Few will understand the pond's sense of outrage and shock to hear humble old Wee Waa referred to as Wee Wah on ABC news radio, in a news bulletin, no less, when of course it should be pronounced the way way locals do, as Wee War ...

The town has enough troubles without that final straw, though at the moment of outrage, the pond realised it had joined the reptiles and become one of the grievance police. 

Each day the reptiles are full of grievance and anger, and no matter how trivial or mighty the cause, the sense of grievance is always palpable ...

Major Mitchell was an expert at grievance, and his absence from the Monday digital edition of the lizard Oz has been a major loss ... but this day the reptiles have excelled themselves and produced such a motley crew of whiners, moaners and toss pots that the pond simply had to embark on a mega omnibus edition ...

First up was ostensibly not about a grievance, but a hope, and the pond knew at once that there had to be some sort of con or grift or snake-oil selling at work ... just look at the header ...

The naked absurdity of  "Gas will power us to net-zero future" immediately suggested that Lloydie of the Amazon had dug up some Italian physicist to do a column, but there was another name attached, and so the pond read on quickly to get to the tag ...

Before the pond gets to the revealing tag, it should possibly note a recent story in the Graudian.

Is there an irony in the use of 'gaslighting' while talking of a gaseous bit of gaslighting enthusiastically blathering about gas?

The pond supposes so, but now on to the tag ...

There you go ... "their utter inability to tell the truth" on display as usual in the lizard Oz, gaslighting gas, which the pond will admit is a change from old-fashioned gaslighting of coal ...

But now the pond must rush on, helter skelter, pell mell ... there is simply not the time nor the space for idle indulgences or cartoons or other distractions, because there's a lot to attend to this day, and next up is the Caterist going full monarchist ...

Now the pond has had something of a ban on all the wall-to-wall coverage supplied by monarchists, but the pond also knows that there are devotees who are simply addicted to Compass Polling commissioned by the Menzies Research Centre, a taxpayer-funded institute for Caterist blather ...

What can the pond do, but agree this phenomenon deserves attention, whenever it bobs up?

Did the pond say no cartoons or other distractions? After that line alleging that King Chuck III, aka the talking tampon is more popular than you might imagine, how could the pond resist?

Will King Chuck III be able to keep his mouth shut, or will some pronouncement on climate science and Gaia send the Caterist into a frothing, foaming frenzy? The pond suspects there will be delights in the future, but for the moment we're in the set-up stage, where the Caterist is content to blow and scrape and tug the forelock ...

Ah the radical green fringe ...

Sorry, the pond can only get through a Caterist these days with the help of a cartoon or two ...

What a first class loon, and with loonish polling too, but the pond can't pause for breath, it must rush on, because there's this delightful little delicacy to consume, recycled from the WSJ and it's only two gobbets, so where's the harm? You see, it's rock 'n roll wot done it ...

The pond doesn't know where to begin with this one ... it had the faint whiff of a Malcolm Muggeridge or some loon in dotage ... with the obligatory reference to the ancient Greeks suggesting that it might be a pen name for our very own Sir Henry of the ancient order of hole in bucket ... but then the pond began to understand when the scribbler revealed he was a devotee of CIA-financed English kultur ...

Gad sir, not rock 'n roll. Gad sir, not calling Elton John a rock 'n roller. 

Gad sir, it's a long time to hold a grudge against the 1960s, and while it's very Gatsby, it's also most peculiar and quaint, and the pond had not expected to see its like again, even allowing for the way that moggies of the Jacob Rees-Mogg kind continue to miaow ...

Egad, there'll always be an England, sir, so long as the moggies are around ... you know, T.S. and practical cats and all that ...

And with all that done and dusted, how could the pond leave out the Oreo? It's by far the best and most peculiar Oreo the pond has read in yonks ... 

There's nothing like a reformed, recovering feminist explaining western civilisation and Xianity to make a bleat about the 1960s seem passé ..

Already this is shaping up to be one of the very best pieces by the reformed, recovering feminist ... a religious war!

Indeed, indeed, all at once the scales fell from the pond's eyes, and it understood the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The pond had mistakenly assumed that they were spiritual campaigns designed to produce western enlightenment, but it seems the pond was wrong ... and as for that matter of church and state ...

The Donald's minions are on the march, but the Oreo apparently isn't aware of the white Xian nationalist movement ...

And as for delusion? It's not just a feminist thing, apparently reformed, recovering feminist are just as inclined to think that Western Xianity is a bulwark against totalitarianism by separating church and state ... though she might have joined the conversation with Samuel Perry ...

And so on and so forth, and so to a final treat, and while it is last, it really should have been first, because the pond started by noting how much it missed the Major.

For those who've come late to the story, each week the Major would get out his skull and swear an oath against the twitterati, the ABC, its minions, and all that wasn't News Corp.

It was touching in its monomania, and the reptiles must have realised they were failing to cater to a major portion of their market, because they went to the extreme of heading off to the town where the maiden aunts sit on the verandah under the wisteria and grumble about the twitterati, the ABC and such like ...

Can anyone explain to the pond what's the difference between a boorish old fart Murdoch hack railing at the twitterati and ABC types, and old farts having a turn on Twitter?

What's that you say? At least on Twitter they have to keep it relatively short, or insert a document to carry on the feuding and the fussing if they want to do it at greater length ...

Well yes, but in News Corp, they never know when to shut the fuck up ... on and on they drivel, apparently unaware of the spittle and the spleen and the dribbling at the mouth ...

How boorishly bad did it get? Well this time the reptiles put up snaps of assorted ABC types or alumni, just so the readership could get out the tomatoes, the cow dung, and whatever else would be handy for the throwing ...

Is there anything weirder than a grizzler grizzling about grizzlers? It goes back to that sense of grievance that the pond began with ...

The pond happily ignores Twitter, it's only when grumpy old farts of the reptile kind get going that the pond is forced to pay attention ...

As for that blather about the blather about too much coverage, the pond has saved up a Rowe for the closer, but must endure a lot more grizzling and carry-on before it gets there ...

The pond is pleased that Penbo couldn't give a rat's arse, because truth to tell, the pond has always thought of his scribbling as pathetic Adelaide lite, the sort of crap you might find in a tabloid of the crappy Daily Terror kind when it wasn't in a shithouse Murdochian blog ... and frankly he's not a patch on the Major when it comes to grizzling about grievances ...

Still there has to be an end, and with not a nano second's thought as to the how and why of people signing up to Murdochian garbage of the Sky after dark, HUN, Terror and Faux Noise kind, with the latter having done more to fuck the United States than an army of tweeters ...

Imagine a world where News Corp could hound a woman out of the country? 

The pile-on fuelled by wealthy and unhinged News Corp presenters created an environment in which Abdel-Magied endured real-life attacks. A pig’s head was dumped at the Islamic primary school she attended and posters were put up in a Sydney neighbourhood by a white nationalist group that racially stereotyped Abdel-Magied and journalist Waleed Aly – another overachieving brown migrant who has been the subject of sustained abuse. (Graudian)

Thank the long absent lord they ensured there were no stones left lying around the glasshouse in Surry Hills ...

And as for that relentless, endless, unendurable coverage, as promised the pond will end with an immortal Rowe ...