In which the pond endures a Wednesday nightmare with "Ned" and Boris ...

 

The pond is sometimes inclined to its own gentle groaning. 

There was John Oliver delivering an eviscerating, lengthy assault on the concept of cops in US schools, with shocking examples and much convincing passion. 

So what did the Nine papers run with? His offer to buy a giant Fitzroy banana, a throwaway routine he usually employs after his more depressing outings ... (and worse, Melbourne showed no sensa huma in response).

Each time the pond contemplates the US gun crisis it gives up and turns to the joys of its herpetological studies ... only to be confronted by another crisis this bleak Wednesday, a shortage of reptile fodder ...

The top of the digital page saw the reptiles in a panic about the housing market, interest rates, China and as a bonus simplistic Simon saying the usual about Albo in hiding (forgetting to add, in the simpleton Simon way, his patented saying 'no conflict of interest here Bid')...

Where was Dame Slap, where was the bromancer? Where were any of the pond favourites? There was only nattering "Ned" regurgitating the thoughts of others ...

Mother of long absent mercy, had it come to this? Indeed, it had ...

There goes "Ned", with another of his astonishing insights. The fucked state of the country, the energy market, the response to climate science, and such like aren't the fault of a government newly installed ...

Amazing, and then the pond has to deal with the gloaters, including the ACT and WA, and it has to be said, the infallible Pope ...

Sheesh, suddenly everybody's talking about how wise the sandgropers were to retain state ownership of their assets ... the filthy bloody socialists ... but back to "Ned",  because now chook "Ned" is going to go full galah and fill up his column quoting someone else ... and sssh, please, no mention of the role the reptiles played in the climate wars ...

Uh huh. Why did the pond have an impending sense of doom? It's going to be a bleak winter, and likely enough a bleak time for climate science the next few years ...

Could anyone make any sense of that last "Ned" line? 

The pond read it over and over again, and still it remained intractable, mysterious, almost mystical: 

"Putting nuclear on the table for debate offers a deft Coalition political stance provided it doesn't really believe nuclear will meet the affordability test."

Nope, it eluded the pond - perhaps another cop in schools to help with counselling services by way of handcuffs and a good baton beating would have sorted out the pond in its vulgar youff .and helped it understand.. but at least the mutton Dutton's name had been mentioned so the pond could turn to the infallible Pope for guidance ...

And then things got even more dire ... because when the pond turned to the comments section of the lizard Oz, it was barren ...

The pond thought about downing an IPA Sherry, but then read the piece and decided the pond had higher standards than this very first reptile outing by the IPA pup ... while elsewhere, "Ned" had already quoted Westacott, so what was the point? The pond is well over inspirational blather about world-leading productivity, growth and whatever as it contemplates its heating bill and an over-heated planet ...

As for helping universities, the pond decided that the least it could do was return to the wounded Boris and the spoor ...

Why was this so appealing? Well for years the pond had to endure the reptiles in cheerleader mode, with the bromancer not only devoted to Boris's brilliance, but the brilliance of that unsavoury Moggy that always makes the pond think of Cats the movie ...

His essential political brilliance? Unprecedented public support? And, given Brexit, the irony of thanking a Kiwi and a Portuguese nurse?

Usually the pond would offer up a serve of Shelley's Ozymandias, but instead, look upon the next gobbet about the once mighty, beloved by News Corp, and despair ...

Is it wrong to gloat? Is it wrong to remember the bromancer in full flight, and being approvingly quoted by the cardigan wearers, that being their way?

Oh you carping pedants, that you should get in the way of the bromancer's love of Boris ... 

Sure it wasn't over and over, sure it was based on shitty reptile information and reptile fear campaigns and yet never get between a reptile and their love of popular tossers with autocratic inclinations ... 

It was even more peculiar then that the malignant Magnay's piece should conclude by including snaps of two earlier losers, presaging Boris's fate ...

Indeed, indeed ...

And just as a follow up, here's the lizard Oz editorialist on the bromancer's fallen brilliant hero ...

Well that's as good a cue as any for an immortal Rowe ...

And so to the rest of the reptile drinky poos ...

From his essential political brilliance and unprecedented public support to risible in just a few years? 

As if there was anything wrong with a crooked sixpence being in for a fucked up pound ...

Dammit, the pond will maintain the gloating, though it does suggest that now might be the right time for the reptiles to get back to their core business model, as helpfully set out by Wilcox ... let us hope that after all this tedium, tomorrow is another day ...

PS: The line wasn't coined by Mitchell however. It is found in print in several sources, for example, Harper's Weekly, May 1857:

...never losing sight of that, to him, great and glorious fact, that "tomorrow is another day."

Oh yes, in the reptile world, "tamarro" is another day, another Boris, another mango Mussolini ...