In which Dame Slap sends the pond down memory lane, and shock, horror, "Ned" makes a Wednesday appearance with his natter ...

 

The pond woke to the devastating, horrifying news that a Korean pop group had taken an extended break. 

As usual, the ABC was on to everything that mattered, and such was the pond's desolation that it wondered if today was the day that Dame Slap would abjure her donning of the mango Mussolini's cap, which is to say solemnly renounced her ecstatic allegiance to the  notorious rorter, who by recent accounts, skimmed a quarter of a billion bucks from his suppor... er, suckers ...

It just goes to show what a sucker the pond is, because today Dame Slap managed to do what most of the reptiles have done - ignore proceedings in the United States - so she might instead celebrate the joys of rorting ...

She would say all that, wouldn't she, and she was just cranking into MAGA cap gear, but the pond nostalgically thought back to the days when advertising sheets or bringing in a television set might get you into trouble ...

Ah, long lost days, as lost as a Korean pop group ... it were Wednesday, 21st October 1970, it were on the front page of The Canberra Times ...

But that was then, and this is now, and rorting, pork barreling and boondoggling has become a way of life, and of course Dame Slap is keen to keep the culture alive, as any devotee of the mango Mussolini would ...

For all that, the pond was reminded of how standards have slipped. The Khemlani loans affair was Rex Connor's supreme folly, but fiddling with customs duty might also see you get the flick ...

Ah, it were Tuesday 20th April 1982 it were, with The Canberra Times' front page dominated by the departures ...

But that were then and this is now and how could it be possible to conduct politics without a nudge, a wink, and occasionally a gift in kind or a little cash in the paw, or perhaps a clay shooting club or a spare car park to create a sense of largesse and abundance ... not to mention the Cayman Islands ...

By now you surely know at least the gist of the so-called #Watergate story. In July 2017 a record $79 million of taxpayers’ money was signed off on, without tender, by then water minister Barnaby Joyce for the “water rights” to two Queensland properties owned by Eastern Australia Agriculture, a company of which Joyce’s Coalition colleague and now Energy Minister Angus Taylor was once a director and secretary. That company is wholly owned by Eastern Australian Irrigation, which Taylor co-founded, and is based in the Cayman Islands.

Are you still with me, tree-people? Hang on, it gets better…

The pond skipped past some tweeting and all hell breaking loose, for another sample ...

...Late on the night of releasing it all on Twitter, knowing it was out there and copies would have been made, and that powerful forces wanted her shut down, she deleted the thread and deactivated her own account. She only re-emerged late last week, but says she will never identify herself publicly, nor her Deep Throat – not even to me. She believes Taylor to be extremely sensitive to his connection to the Cayman Islands, noting how in 2013, a mere letter to the editor to the Goulburn Post that asserted among other things that “Angus Taylor had an investment company registered in the Cayman Islands” was met with such a strong Taylor reaction that the paper followed up a couple of days later with a formal apology saying the letter about his “personal financial affairs” was incorrect, and should not have been run. Taylor has always maintained he had no financial interest in EAA or EAI.

Salt also asserts – and has sent me screen shots – showing that Taylor’s wife Louise Clegg has been discussed on Wikipedia forums for trying to change her husband’s entry on his Wikipedia entry. She also sent screen shots showing that someone, not Clegg, did succeed in removing a reference to Eastern Australia Agriculture, just weeks before the $79 million transaction went through. When The Project asked Taylor last week if he was still a part of EAI, he responded with a very terse “No”, and declined to say why it was set up in the Cayman Islands.

The pond loves mentioning the Cayman Islands and beefy boofhead Angus as much as it loves the smell of napalm in the morning, but back to Dame Slap, doing her best to distract by some standard ALP and union bashing ...

Indeed, indeed, why would anyone want to stop rorting, pork barreling, boondoggles, or good old fashioned corruption of the mango Mussolini kind. 

If you want Dame Slap to wear your MAGA cap, she's the kind of suppor... er, sucker ... that'll do it for free ... or at least for a modest stipend from Chairman Rupert ...

And now to pause for a couple of vaguely relevant Wilcox cartoons ...

For some reason those cartoons seemed to strike the right note and get the pond ready for Dame Slap's final huzzah for corruption ...

Thank the long absent lord there's nothing messy about the odd bit of cash in the paw, or the odd carpark, or the odd shooting club grant ... it's just good old-fashioned grift, and let's hear no talk of advertising sheets, or importing television sets ...

Meanwhile, on another planet, the slightly cropped infallible Pope was taking up a meme ...

Ah there's nothing like a good rort to keep the home fires burning ...

And now to a complaint which has almost become routine for the pond. What on earth could be made of this bunch of tossers when looking for a reptile bonus?

The Swiss bank account man, a little RBA bashing, and a couple of makeweight lizard Oz editorials, one still hoping for that war with China?

Reluctantly the pond turned to the top of the digital page ...

Fuck it, not stagflation and candle light - though that reminded the pond of its happy Tamworth days in the dark - and horror of horrors, nattering "Ned" top of the page ma.

Could the pond summon the strength to endure the tedium of the pontificating pompous prat, as prolix a bloviator as the land has seen?

Well the pond cut out a few click bait videos and the news that the digital version contained more than the print version, a routine now so old it's beyond a laugh, and got on with it ...

Here's a thought. Send "Ned" off to negotiate, and the pond guarantees that the notorious Chinese trick of showing patience and playing a long game over a century would wilt under the strain ... much as the pond is already wilting ...

What is it with "Ned"? What is it with some of the reptiles? After News Corp went all in for the liar from the Shire, wherefore and whence has come this transition to a new government?

You see? Such is the level of abjuration, which is to say a solemn recantation and renunciation, nattering "Ned" even disses the mutton Dutton's appearance in "this paper", though for a nanosecond, before the nonsense popped into the ether, the reptiles were wondering if this might form some kind of early counter-attack.

Instead all we're left with is an angry, alienated bromancer, and this damp squib for "Ned's" last few pars ...

It can't last, of course, and Dame Slap shows the way forward. 

Someone has to stand up for pork barreling and corruption, and what better organisation to do it than News Corp, with its splendid track record with the mango Mussolini ... a stand must be made for pork barreling, cash in the paw, the right to advertise sheets and avoid customs duties ...

And so to the immortal Rowe of the day ... with more Rowe here ...and what do you know, he's got the same meme going ... the goalkeeper's not afraid of the penalty or the shoot-out ...