In which the reptiles begin to return to normal, which is to say, weirdly abnormal ...

 

 

 

 

At last things seem to be getting back to normal at the lizard Oz, which in the pond's world is to say completely abnormal, topsy turvy and sometimes downright weird.

There's not a single lizard Oz editorial in sight to plug the gaps, and it seems that least for this weekend, the reptiles have forsaken Clive's cash in the claw, though the pond expects that to change come Monday ...

Never mind, there's suddenly a glut of reptiles, and the pond must get to work clearing the deck ...

 

At first the pond didn't think it could cope with the dog botherer, what with it being still January and all ...

But then our Gracie had come back to life, so why not do one of the pond's patented imitations of the patented Burroughs' cut and paste routine, découpé if you want to be la di dah about it? 

If confusion followed, would it be any worse than the confusion usually produced by the dog botherer flying solo?

 

Right from the get go, there was a contrast, with the dog botherer being tortured by the sandgroper from the west, and our Gracie noting that there still seemed to be some health care workers required to attend to bed wetters ... not that the dog botherer was up for the noticing ...

Um, actually, a variety of workplaces face staff shortages from the direct effects of the disease. 

The pond's partner, for example, has seen fellow staff members drop like flies, with one woman enduring particular agony for the past three weeks. She's in her fifties, which hasn't helped, but stories like this tend to temper any dose of dog bothering euphoria and delusion ...

When it grabs you, it's a real body and mind fucker ...

So what's our Gracie got to say?

Happy new year? Dear sweet long absent lord, January is almost over, but at least she has a sensa huma, and keeps it short, which is more than can be said for the dog botherer's delusional ramblings, with another dose coming right up ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, did the reptiles have to load up the dog botherer with a Djoker image? 

True, it only confirms what's already known, that the dog botherer is a fuckwit of the first Djoker gluten-free kind, but still  they managed to give our Gracie a clickbait video, with the Starship Troopers injunction "Watch the Video"!!...

Indeed, indeed, how good is it? And the worst might be out there, still to come ...

Sorry, sorry,  you wouldn't expect that sort of idle chatter in the lizard Oz, so it's back to the dog botherer ... 

 

Indeed, indeed, and it goes without saying that the dog botherer fully endorses fucking the healthcare system in this country, because freedumb for fuckwits above all else ...

And so to our Gracie for a final thought ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, and the pond has absolutely no confidence in the dog botherer, and not just because of Utegate and his helping in the fucking of Iraq, but because almost everything he scribbles is full of mendacious stupidity ...

But here the pond must confess to a grievous error of its own. As a result of our Gracie being rather short and to the point, she's no match for the interminable blather of the dog botherer, so there's nothing to juxtapose with this final dog botherer gobbet ...

 

 

Oh it's just the usual harden the fuck up stuff and we must thank the dog botherer for his service, and his astonishing bravery under fire ...

And so with that done and dusted, the pond can move on, because Dame Slap was also bleating at length this day ...

 

 

What an incredibly dumb and pathetic and uncredited reptile graphic, but at least it matches the header, because as soon as Dame Slap mentions civility, what follows will surely be deeply uncivil, with insults flying, and posturing worse than her beloved mango Mussolini ...

 

Ah yes, what a disappointment that Tame person was to Dame Slap. What a let down. It goes without saying that at no time has the IPA inspired Dame Slap ever scribbled in a way that suggested that she had the Pepsodent ring of ideology around her. 

You won't find Dame Slap sounding partisan. Why she just donned that MAGA cap and strode into the New York night to celebrate, because how good was the depth of thinking shown by the mango Mussolini and his tribe ...

 

Meanwhile, in another part of the lizard Oz ...

 

 How good is gunboat diplomacy?

 

Sorry, the pond just drifted off there, for a minute ... back to the incredibly civil Dame Slap, poking a big stick at another favourite target ...

 

Now, the reptiles and Dame Slap know how to play the game, so at this point they inserted a demonic figure, so that the readership could have someone to fear and loathe ...

 

 

Having paid tribute to the fear and loathing, it was time for the pond to present Dame Slap's final gobbet of intensely uncivil dislike...

 

Well there was at least one line from the mango Mussolini MAGA hat wearing, IPA cheer squad leading, Dame Slap that the pond could get behind ... "It's not easy to remove firmly fitted political filters, or to step aside from our cheer squads."

That it was accompanied by Dame Slap announcing she was stepping away from the IPA immediately, forthwith, made it all the more remarkable, and for once the pond had to graciously accept she was on the money ...

Oh sheesh, the pond put on its straightest face, and still nobody bought it?

Yes, she's still firmly fitted with political filters, and there's no way she'll step aside from the lizard Oz or the IPA cheer squad ...

Never mind, the pond would just like to end with a few conspiracies, as featured by Lloydie of the Amazon ...

 

 

Thank the long absent lord that Google can't investigate Clive's cash in the paw ads with the reptiles ... but now on with Lloydie of the Amazon as a closer ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it's all a hometown conspiracy ... and never mind anywhere else in the world ...

 

 

 

Yes, it's going to be tough for Santa and the reindeer, and the full long read at the Graudian is here ...

If nothing else, the pond reckons that featuring Lloydie of the Amazon is a good way to promote a little alternative reading, but now back to that BOM conspiracy ...

 

 

Now who does Lloydie of the Amazon turn to for a comment?

For those who've never looked up Jennifer Marohasy, scientist, which is to say biologist and IPA hack, on DeSmog, here's a taster ...

 

 And so on and so endlessly forth, and so who better for Lloydie of the Amazon to turn to for a comment on that BOM conspiracy? Come on down IPA biologist ...

 

 

Beneath contempt, really, is our Lloydie of the Amazon ... but when the reptiles look back in search of those who helped fuck the planet, our Lloydie will be entitled to a modest smile and a place on the perch of fame ...

And now back to where the pond started, with the dog botherer explaining how everything's for the best, and incidentally who's on first and what's on second...

Yes, the pond is familiar with Who's on First?, and for those who've never seen it, or want the routine yet again, it's on YouTube here ...