It's meditating on vaccine day at the pond, with first prize a chance to choose the reptile you'd rather catch Covid with and die ...

 

 

 

 

 

Having shut the Polonial gate yesterday, the pond had nothing in store for its meditative Sunday, shot its bolt, so to speak in a Cohen Brothers way, and so was forced to turn to the bromancer ...

 

Before moving on, the pond would just like to place on record its indignation at the reptiles ripping off the lyrics of Marc Cohn's song for a cheap headline ...

 

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain
W.C. Handy, won't you look down over me
Yeah, I got a first class ticket
But I'm as blue as a boy can be

 

Moving along, as usual, the pond has some easy excuses as to how it ended up in the bromancer's company. Just look at some of the alternatives ...

 

 

Just take the pond out the back, or perhaps to the farm, and put it down, if it ever gets to running the oscillating fan, that detritus from the Ten network ... and what a relief that chairman Dame Slap is off with the pixies above the faraway tree, doing Gina and IPA work on Super, and so was guaranteed to be super boring ...

And so the pond ended up with the bromancer, not a fate worse than death, but certainly close to it, and worst of all, the bromancer was in an incredibly chatty and prolix mood.

What is it with the reptiles, and this tendency to grow huge columns, as if they were in the Tamworth show trying to win the prize for the largest pumpkin? Well here's a chance to choose the reptile you'd rather catch Covid with and die ...

 

 

Of course the big problem with the virus these days is that the reptiles thought they had backed a winner in gold standard golden Gladys ... and then ...

 

But that's another paper, and it's the pond's duty to observe the reptiles trying to claw their way back from months of celebrating hubris ...

 

 

Of course, coping with reptile grieving for a return to the fool's gold standard is a also handy distraction from other matters ...

 

 But that's another paper ...

 

The pond hates to rain on the bromancer's parade but ...

Oh, the pond should be honest. The pond doesn't mind raining on the bromancer's parade and soon will turn to the dog botherer, exemplifying all that's wrong with the reptile coverage.

In the meantime, it's back to the bromancer trying to put his best gloss on proceedings ...

 

 

It's a tough business, all this disingenuous deflecting and devising of excuses, when really blind Freddy would have realised that hype leads to a ride down the snake of over-promising ...

 

 

But that's another paper back in April ... and things have got even more problematic since then, meaning that the bromancer has to peddle even harder ...

 

A large segment reverted to their anti-vax prejudices? How could that possibly happen? Well there's plenty of anti-vax prejudice in the ether thanks to the bromancer's kissing cousins ...

 

 

Never mind, Tucker and Laura are still holding firm and firing out misinformation in fine style ... but to read about that, you'll need another paper... 

Mr Carlson openly questioned when it became the role of news organisations to pass along critical information to its viewers.
"These are not experts, and yet, they are speaking with this moral authority, you must do this because we know – and, of course, they don't know," Mr Carlson said. "And questions that anyone else raises, including on this show, they shout down immediately with slurs. Like, when – when did this become their role, to do stuff like this?"
Mr Carlson regularly offers his perspectives despite not being an expert in many of the topics he covers on his show.

And now back to our resident expert epidemiologist ...

 

Say what? The bromancer does realise what he just said? Who knows where people got the idea that Astra was a second rate, loser vaccine for dropkicks? Does the bromancer know how to make the pond feel good about the jab it got, or what?

Well all good things must end, even lengthy bromancer pieces ...

 

Put it another way. What happens if the virus cuts a swathe through News Corp HQ in Surry Hills. Will the reptiles be happy to accept a bunch of serious illnesses and perhaps deaths?

Who knows, it's as mysterious a question as wondering whether Tucker and Laura got their shots ...

And now as this is vaccine day, the pond turns reluctantly to the dog botherer ...

 

 

The notion that the dog botherer ever knew reality, or some mythical Australia lodged in his bizarre reptile mind, is a good starting point, and helps the pond avoid noting the astonishing banality of the illustration the reptiles offered for the top of his piece ...

If that's the best we can do in evoking North Korea or East Germany, all the pond can do is urge the reptiles to try harder and get a better snap ...

 

 

 

Ah, the good old days of fuzz against blacks.

And so the pond returns to the dog botherer ,with some degree of hostility and animus, having banned him for this suggestion ...

 

 

"It might be best for the country if the NSW lockdown fails."

You have to be a really perverse fuckwit of the first water to hope that a government plan to save serious illness and deaths fails ... in fact, you have to be making a bid to become the reigning top Killer at News Corp to lead with that sort of angle ... showing a desire to topple Killer Creighton from his perch presiding over the killing fields ...

 

Fear of masks, talk of gulags. etc? It all fits what the pond has identified as Killer Creighton syndrome ... now please, a capper, with references to North Korea and East Germany ...

 

Pea-brained dinosaurs also had trouble adjusting to changing circumstances. No doubt they yearned for the good old days when balanced budgets were the norm, apparently not realising that every so often a meteor might come along and change the tilt on the pinball machine of life ...

 

 

Fucketty fuck, he's a tedious sociopath ... the pond was right to ban him and his last death wish outing ...

 

 

 

Why a snap of comrade Dan for a story hoping Gladys will fail?

It's the reptile way ... please, say no more ...

Why hope people will get seriously ill and hopefully a few might die, so that the rest of us will harden the fuck up?

It's the sociopathic dog botherer way, and so on he goes, matching "Ned" for interminable rambling down mammaries lane ... when bunging on a war in Iraq or staging Utegate was a measure of his skill in government ... now in aid of killing off a few old farts, and perhaps some youngsters, in the quest to make an ideological point about a virus that doesn't give a flying fuck about what the dog botherer thinks, or imagines he feels (are reptiles capable of feeling when they see one of their kills?)

 

The alternative? Dying a heroic death with the dog botherer?

Pass, but how pleasing to know that the dog botherer hasn't bothered with any of that hysterical nonsense involving getting a shot or taking sensible precautions in his lengthy ramble ...

 

 

The pond just wanted to slip in that note before wrapping up the dog botherer, who these days is sounding as if he's on the verge of a sociopathic breakdown ...

 

Actually, the virus has killed people, you loon, and promises to kill more if you get anywhere near the levers of power, or if mug punters take your ramblings seriously, but thankfully there aren't too many Murdochian loons of this kind in country, dishing out their thoughts on public health policies ...

 

And so to wrap up with a heady taste of reptile heresy, and from an unexpected quarter ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, now the reptiles are getting their snaps from the NSW plods? The budget is really showing signs of strain ...

Never mind, on with the heresy, with - oh be still beating heart - the Angelic one being accused of being a soft lefty ...

Hmm, if only the Oxford up the road still did jelly wrestling. The pond would love to see the Angelic one and the dog botherer go at it, hard and dirty ...

Is there a reason for the bitterness of the grudge match? Just look at Gladys and the gold standard reptiles did to Melbourne ...

 

 

Bleak days for Melburnians, and even those in Canberra can sympathise ...

 

Another reptile knocking AZ? Heresy piling on heresy, as if the best medical advice from Scotty from marketing had failed to convince ...

 

Say what? The dog botherer should travel to the western suburbs? But there be dragons, no one could wish that on him, even a loon as wretched as he is ...

The man is suffering, the man is anxious for liberation and freedom, the man yearns to be free of his chains, the man howls at the moon ...

Meanwhile, types like First Dog dare to suggest that there are some who are doing their solitary in a doddle, with the full cartoon at First Dog here ... 

Yes, there's lockdowns, and then there's lockdowns the dog botherer could no doubt do standing on his cement-hardened noggin ...