In which the pond tries to redeem nattering "Ned" ...Tri-Tri-anti-wonti-Triantiwontigongolope ...

The pond knew only one way to cope with outrageous reader suggestions that the great ship nattering "Ned" had left its moorings, become detached from reality, upped anchor and refused to read the rag in which it once sailed so proudly …

Send in more "Ned", and the chatter about his natter would surely subside under the weight of ennui, tedium and existential despair!

Oh dear. Surely the big winner is the Murdochian vision?

Surely "Ned" read about Dame Slap donning the MAGA hat and slipping out into the streets of New York to celebrate. Who allowed "Ned" to do a little reading? And was it wise to put a book by a notorious hawk into his hands?

It would of course be a hand-wringing, sobbing to the skies, sack cloth and ashes, tragedy, if the sublime comedy of "Ned" wasn't so enjoyable, though the pond has to admit that it's a tad dark, a bit Monty Pythonish, King Lear done by the black knight … 'tis but a scratch, just a flesh wound, what are you going to do, bleed on me, and then, the standard by which all are judged on the pond, he's a loony …

Yes, it turns out "Ned's" ship has sailed into alternative reality, and the pond's strategy was quickly undone ...

Say what? "It was the country's singular misfortune to have the most incompetent and divisive leader in its modern history at the helm when the crisis hit"?

Didn't "Ned" mean to natter "It was the country's singular misfortune to have the most wretched, divisive, lying, cheating pandering bunch of media loons, led by Fox News and the WSJ, and  its baleful, deeply corrupt Chairman promoting the most incompetent andy divisive leader in its modern history."?

Why blame it all on the persecuted, hapless, sociopathic snake oil-selling narcissist?

Apparently the pond must concede defeat. Apparently "Ned" is completely unaware of the role of News Corp and the Murdochians in the rise, triumph and rule of the Donald.

For reasons that are completely mysterious to the pond, it remains an arcane mystery to nattering "Ned".

In its defence, the pond has at least managed a couple of cartoons, and this day the natter is short, with only one gobbet to go … even if it does begin with "Trump is a bad advertisement for democracy", because apparently "Ned" doesn't have the ticker, the gumption or the wherewithal to begin with "Chairman Rupert and News Corp are a very bad advertisement for democracy, the media, and pretty much anything else you might want to advertise."

Of course elsewhere in Murdochian la la land, "Ned" would be quickly pulled up for talk of "Trump accountability syndrome" when it's pretty obvious "Ned" is suffering from a dire case of TDS, "Trump derangement syndrome".

It was diagnosed not so long ago in the WSJ by a classic Murdochian loon …

There's a lot more of that particular line in WSJ Murdochian loonacy, at least for those with the taste for that, and for those who downloaded the paywall breaker app to their Firefox browser ...

But why bother with a smart arse who thinks he's being funny, when he's just immensely stupid?

The only point he serves is to highlight the way that "Ned" is apparently completely unaware of the organisation for which he works …

But at least the pond gets to run a few cartoons …

 

And so to a quick bit of polyfilla, spackle if you will, to hide the cracking in the pond until it tackles the ultimate IPA task …

This Murdochian loon is new to the pond, but is welcome, because the reptiles have gone ominously quiet about Comrade Dan and the socialists from the south, after the recent outbreak in NSW put an end to their preening, boasting, and parading …

What attracted the pond was the way that this new loon had cottoned on to a term, "sunk-cost fallacy", and then rabbited on proudly, much like the Donald being able tell that a rhino is a dog with a knife nose, or that a camel is a lumpy horse (yes, Meyers and Colbert are back, so at least the pond has something else besides the cartoons) ...

Indeed, indeed, the alternative is to go full Donald …

But its clear that this Alexander is a bear with very little brain, because after his sputtering and muttering about sunken costs, sunken chests and sunken treasures, he wrapped things up very quickly … which is just as well, because as soon as a loon calls for a "clear-eyed, hard-headed analysis", we might as well have someone cry out for a dry-eyed, soft boiled egg assessment of the overall picture …

In the end, this Alexander doesn't even need a joke to sink himself. He manages fine on his own, because it turns out his blather has been entirely pointless ...

In short, it would be illogical to read this piece in search of a logical solution, because logically, the man is scribbling that he doesn't have a fucking logical clue as to what might be an alternative, a current, a past or a present approach to the virus …

The best he can offer is a flawed bit of irrational soft egg blathering with the promise of a rational hard egg, without the least idea of which end is the best for cutting the egg.

But at least he created a bit of polyfilla space for another cartoon …

And so to the real burden for the day, donning the MAGA cap yet again with Dame Slap …

Sure, it's only a routine dose of IPA union bashing, but sitting still during one of Dame Slap's classes in her schoolroom above the faraway tree is getting harder and harder for the pond ...

What of the IPA and the looming deficit? What of tax cuts which always seem to serve the rich? 

Why does Dame Slap think that anyone's gullible enough to think that the IPA, Gina and the rest of her mob give a flying fuck about the workers?

Don't you worry about any of that, here have a little bit of sugar so that the IPA arsenic can go down … 

But there was one treat to be had amongst the usual union bashing, and that was the way the reptiles had snuck a little cult master cameo into the Dame Slap text as a distraction ...

Of course the infallible Pope of the day was also to the point …

Now let us see how Dame Slap and the IPA will reward the rich …

Let us forget the possibility of an increase in the regressive GST, though it's always a possibility, since punishing the poor is a virtue in Dame Slap IPA land …

Before going on with Dame Slap's Gina-inspired tax cuts blather, please allow the pond to revert to a pdf here, with a paper which begins …

Ah, all scribbled before the virus, how nostalgic it made the pond feel … and then came Dame Slap …

Here the pond should note that if you can't read an award, perhaps you shouldn't be in business. Back in the day, the pond had all sorts of arcane awards to deal with, including costs for operating at a distance outside head office, and yet it was simple enough to manage, especially if you could find a location inside the distance (oh yes, the pond knew how to screw the workers).

Perhaps it's because Dame Slap has never actually run a business or done anything useful in life, her main business being to service the needs of Gina's mob … that's when she's not donning the MAGA cap ...

How the pond yearns to squeeze Gina's mob, and all the rest of the IPA rabble in service to their funder.

And so to a last rant of the kind for which Dame Slap has become infamous ...

The recession we had to have? Some might think Dame Slap a cruel, heartless bitch to scribble that sort of line in the middle of a pandemic - what with many people being sick, and more than enough dying in wretched, painful circumstances - but it's just another example of the alternative reality in which the reptiles live …

For a nanosecond the pond almost regretted not catching up instead on "Ned's" other outing for the day …

So it was a conspiracy!

Strange, having been brought up on reptile thinking, the pond understood that it was just business as usual by the drunk and the original Malware, and a bunch of fuckwits who finally got the keys to government, and then spent years proving they didn't have the first clue what to do with the business of governing, thereby paving the way for a return to Labor ...

But now it turns out it was a conspiracy that the palace was being briefed on regularly, until it became wiser to pretend that it was a conspiracy that the Palace knew nothing about …

It was the drunk wot did the conspiracy all by himself …except for all his other conspirator chums ...

But then the original Malware has long been a problem for the reptiles, especially as the guilt he experienced turned him into a black sheep, a leftie and greenie more leftist than your average Gra Gra with Swiss bank accounts, or your coal-loving Joel …

Such are the small ironies life offers. So it goes, the pond can almost hear Ellis musing from afar, somewhere off in an alternative world ...

Never mind, as much as needed to be said comes with that peculiar stare on hand in the immortal Rowe's cartoon of the day … with more Rowe here …