Some weeks the pond fears for Polonius's sanity; some weeks it fears for its own, because who knows what being continuously irradiated by Polonial conspiracy theories might do to the pond's immune system?
Of course the ABC might have junked the news bulletin for the stated reasons … that it's lost 20% of its audience over the last 4 years, and more listeners are listening on demand on the ABC Listen app (here), but the pond suspects that Polonius is mainly missing the fanfare, which is really a bastard version of the original one (blame Martin Armiger, and others, history here). Maybe Polonius should just play over and over again the original Majestic Fanfare, as available at the NFSA here …
The pond's father thought that there was a conspiracy when Russ Tyson was forced to give up ABC breakfast, while the pond thought the real conspiracy was to make sure that How Much is that Doggie in the Window? would still be playing on ABC radio in 2020 …
Personally, it's been some time since the pond listened to 2BL (or 2FC or 2SM). Say what? They changed the call sign? It must be a conspiracy to embarrass the Liberal party.
Personally, it's been some time since the pond listened to 2BL (or 2FC or 2SM). Say what? They changed the call sign? It must be a conspiracy to embarrass the Liberal party.
Never mind, times move on, and luckily, Polonius found something to distract himself from his bizarre anal retentive obsession with the ABC, though his new toy flung the pond into confusion …
There was Polonius playing it down and indulging in his usual history lesson, and there was the bouffant one puffing it up like a pneumatic bellwether tyre.
The trouble with this sort of column as prophecy is that it takes only a single sleep to make it seem like yesterday's sodden, oily, greasy, rats-with-wings-pecked fish and chip wrapping …
Was Polonius wise to downplay everything, and indulge in a history lesson? Or was the bouffant one on the bellwether money?
The pond doesn't much mind, it's just such a relief not to have Polonius explain how the canning of the ABC news bulletin led directly either to the downfall or the triumph of Scottie from marketing in Eden-Monaro ...
Oh sheesh, the pond should have known. If it's not the ABC bee in the Polonial bonnet, then it surely must be anti-Catholic sectarianism, you know the sort of sectarianism that persecuted the Catholic church for a few minor crimes against children when, as everyone knows, the ABC was rampant in its support for pedophiles in the 1970s, and everybody except Polonius has looked the other way ever since! And there's never one one conservative on the ABC forever, so there ...
The pond isn't sure that The Argus is the best or only starting point to take a look at Mahon's speech or circumstances - Trove is full of references here - lordy, lordy, did those cardigan-wearing librarians make that new look a pain to use - and the Irish Catholic tykes took it hard, in a way sure to agitate British imperialists …
Damn right too, but dammit, the pond got distracted from Polonius downplaying the outcome ...
And so with the result less significant than it may appear, the pond perforce turned to the bouffant one for his futuristic analysis ...
Polonius's brave words were still ringing in the pond's tinnitis-riddled ears:
The problem is that no one has any idea what the political and economic situation will look like at the next election scheduled for mid-2022 … (blame the states, those bloody states, and those bloody premiers) …Viewed in this light, the Eden-Monaro by-election is likely to be less important than currently appears to be the case. In which case, like Kalgoorlie a century ago, the result could be less significant than it may appear after the votes are counted.
Who could dispute that cogent analysis? Roll the bouffant one tape ...
Say what? Australia has an Independence Day? Or was the bouffant one just jonesing for a cartoon?
But the pond is trying to go cartoon free, and must press on with a cogent explanation of why Polonius and his analysis is just the work of a doddering old futtock, and the bouffant one was on the money ...
Phew, that amount of undiluted hagiography shows that the bouffant one is made of the right stuff, and might easily do time as a sewerage treatment plant, turning reptile crap into a celebration of SloMo life ...
Indeed, indeed, it's all for the good and in the best of all possible worlds, and the bushfires were just a minor blip, and the footy's back, so everything's tremendous, except for those bloody premiers mucking things about, and climate science just a distant reptile nightmare from the woke crowd …
How did that get in here? We're talking about a coal-led recovery, and a glorious future with a dear, much loved leader ...
Oh dear, what a hangover and a headache early the next day …
Why only yesterday there had been a noisy stomping around the reptile chambers …
An hour ago, or an eternity? And the bouffant one perforce quickly had to produce a slight change of tune …
Too close to call? But that wretch at 2BL had called it …
So Shanners had to to a hasty retro refit …
Wise to keep it short really, and admit that Polonius harking back to 1920 was a better ploy than having to scribble a late Independence Day note "no matter what the result" ...
Keen eyes will have noted that the reptiles had a Lomborg bout of denialism on standby just in case, because "no matter what the science" will never go out of reptile fashion … and they kept on flogging that book, though the pond refuses to take the bait …
What, no mention of religion?
And so, as a meditative Sunday bonus, to Dame Slap, hat first juxtaposed next to the nervous nelly reptiles worrying about the result ...
What, no mention of religion?
And so, as a meditative Sunday bonus, to Dame Slap, hat first juxtaposed next to the nervous nelly reptiles worrying about the result ...
Sheesh, if only Shanners had read his own rag, but at least Dame Slap hasn't forgotten her IPA-inspired ABC-bashing duties.
Later in the day, she was marked down and displaced a little by the croc man and by white supremacy …
Later in the day, she was marked down and displaced a little by the croc man and by white supremacy …
Good old Caroline, released from Strewth! so she could concentrate on a little white supremacy, but what's this talk of Hogan living in a climate of cancel culture? Is that a reference to being cancelled by a couple of wives and anyone who paid hard cash to see Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles or Almost an Angel?
And what's this talk of a renewable energy invention? Who said the planet was in peril? Isn't that a vast theologically inspired exaggeration by religious fanatics, what with their talk of the rapture?
Even worse, does means that the croc man is virtue signalling that he's politically correct?
Dammit, they can take virtue signalling out of the story and try to bring in talk of the cancel culture, but the pond stays true to the old ways. As for that virtue signalling, politically correct invention, spoiler alert …
Uh huh, second thoughts, cancel that, cancel the rambling croc man.
The planet's fucked, and all we have left is dinkum clean Oz coal, Lomborg and that weirdo convert shelling out his conversion for sweet cash in the paw … if only the pond hadn't paid to see the croc man in LA, it might have had the money to buy the denialist book.
After all that, the pond had learned its lesson, and knew there was only one bonus needed for a meditative Sunday.
There must be a quotient of at least one reptile a day bashing the ABC. Polonius might have done his duty on a Friday, but went back to 1920 on a Saturday. He could have explained that it was still all the ABC's fault, in a futuristic way (they ruined 1932 and every year since then), but he didn't, he failed, leaving the heavy lifting to Dame Slap.
And so the noble Dame dashed down from her school above the faraway tree to deliver a hectoring lecture about the ABC's very infinite* number of failings … (*ABC licensed) ...
There must be a quotient of at least one reptile a day bashing the ABC. Polonius might have done his duty on a Friday, but went back to 1920 on a Saturday. He could have explained that it was still all the ABC's fault, in a futuristic way (they ruined 1932 and every year since then), but he didn't, he failed, leaving the heavy lifting to Dame Slap.
And so the noble Dame dashed down from her school above the faraway tree to deliver a hectoring lecture about the ABC's very infinite* number of failings … (*ABC licensed) ...
Occasionally the pond wonders if all this harping about the ABC's many sins and thought crimes might actually help turn punters on to the ABC, just to see why the reptiles routinely drive themselves into paroxysms of fear and loathing … but begone heresy, come on down IPA propagandist ...
Indeed, indeed, and when Chairman Rupert spends his money, he makes damn sure he gets what he expected. The IPA in drag, no struggle at all. Well, not even in drag really …
It's usually around this time in the bashing that the pond's bloodlust begins to dissipate, and the pond begins to nod off, what with the sorry tale of Speersie being ruined by the ABC, a familiar enough story of a reptile led astray, and suddenly talking about Eden-Monaro election coverage on their 2BL, or whatever they call that goggle box thingie…
But back to the ranting Dame … (why doesn't she rant these days about the wonders of the Donald, and explain how climate science led to world government by the UN last Xmas?)
Actually, Colbert back in 2015 had some 19 or 20 people just working on his team as the writing staff …not to mention all the other people involved in its production. If you're trying to cover the media, you need a big staff, people to track clips and do research and fact-checking, and chances are, even then you'll stuff up on occasions (the famously over-staffed and fastidious New Yorker still manages a cock-up every now and then).
It's a measure of how clueless Fletcher is, and how undemanding Dame Slap is, as she works on the notion that you can throw something together with a bit of stocking, some barbed wire and a piece of four be two, and she'll be right.
She'll also likely be shit, of the kind you routinely see on Sky News which looks like it's produced in the Chairman's basement (or at least the little that the pond has seen of Sky News, since life is short, and a reptile fetish must have its limits).
She'll also likely be shit, of the kind you routinely see on Sky News which looks like it's produced in the Chairman's basement (or at least the little that the pond has seen of Sky News, since life is short, and a reptile fetish must have its limits).
What's really at work here is professional jealousy and resentment, a sense of missing out and a disgust at the rats in the ranks who jumped ship for a different life outside the Murdochian bubble …and so come the incessant, relentless, non-stop, never-ending, bitter cries for the ongoing persecution of the ABC ...
The pond actually looks and listens to very little on the ABC, but is pleased it's there, and is especially pleased that Media Watch is still there to piss off politicians and Dame Slap … it'd be worth a 100 million a year just for that pleasure …
Meanwhile, there's one last gobbet of outrage to go, and could it be any more piquant, with Dame Slap actually putting the words in the mouth of her ministerial sock puppet?
Wish fulfilment, in the way that the Donald sits down to watch the telly and then spouts out Fox talking points? Or will Fletch be reading and thinking, gosh darn it, if only I had that very unique* Dame Slap (*ABC licensed) way of looking at things, if only I'd spouted all the wise things she put in my mouth (coulda, woulda, shoulda Fletch)...
Wish fulfilment, in the way that the Donald sits down to watch the telly and then spouts out Fox talking points? Or will Fletch be reading and thinking, gosh darn it, if only I had that very unique* Dame Slap (*ABC licensed) way of looking at things, if only I'd spouted all the wise things she put in my mouth (coulda, woulda, shoulda Fletch)...
But will anyone expose the tedium of reading reptile rage about the ABC on a daily basis?
Luckily the results are now in. All that time wasted reading prattling Polonius and the bouffant one done and dusted, and 2020 just 1920 in drag, and the ABC to blame for everything, and only dear sweet dinkum clean Oz coal can save us from the croc man's perpetual motion invention.
But at least we can still enjoy the immortal Rowe for his evocation of the Eden of Monaro … with more immortal Rowe here ...
Ah, he's at it again, quoting Titian's The Fall of Man, when it's clear enough we're dealing with the fall of the bouffant one … or maybe, if the reptiles get really, really lucky, the ABC calling it wrong ...
Dorothy - thank you for Henry Labouchère’s patriotic poem. His contributions to history were far more valuable, and certainly more entertaining, than anything the Polonius has put before us.
ReplyDeleteMy copy of Alistair Horne’s ‘The Fall of Paris 1870-71’ would be dull without Labouchère’s accounts from within the city.
I will concede that Polonius has attempted to make some kind of point in his contribution. I confess that, over the last couple of days, I have not been able to divine just what other regulars have been trying to do - assume that they were trying.
The most recent Ergasm went nowhere. The most charitable conclusion of the Adumbrate Creighton’s meanderings on tax is that he is trying to show that it is difficult and complicated. Experienced journalists would say that there are better ways to show that your subject is difficult and complicated than writing in a difficult and complicated way. One of the tasks of the journalist used to be to explain things in simpler form - or, at very least, as Labouchère showed - to entertain.
Chadwick
I'm not sure I've ever seen an Ergasm go anywhere, Chad. I think that may be what Killer Creightons write like when senility has really settled in.
DeleteBut then I looked up Labouchere and after getting past the roulette gambling system, Google brought me to this: "He is now most remembered for the Labouchère Amendment, which for the first time criminalised all male homosexual activity in the United Kingdom."
Kinda spoiled the lively impression from his patriotic poem. But perhaps explains why male homosexuality was criminalised but not lesbianism. Maybe that old story about how "nobody wanted to try to explain lesbianism to Queen Vic" might really be true.
Another sad sack soliloquy by Prattling Polonius - he really has settled into an intractable downward spiral, hasn't he. Not even any real passion in his sad ABC diatribes nowadays. But I did get the "anti-Catholic sectarianism" thing - there was quite a bit of that amongst us schoolkids back in the 1950s - gotta keep them micks in order. Kinda faded out after a couple of years in High School though - by that time I was something of an adolescent atheist anyway, and all religions were the same to me. Still are.
ReplyDeleteCurrently it looks like McBain has won, so Albo leads to die another day.
And then we have Denis who, as usual, has absolutely nothing of relevance to impart. But just a couple of points to note: Labor's primary vote is down in Eden Monaro ! Yep, when you've got 14 candidates in an election, it's almost impossible for major party first preferences not to be down. Is simple, yes ? So let us wait until all votes - including absentee and postal - have been counted and do the analysis then when we can see what happened to all the major parties' first preferences.
The other is this "lived experience of the majority of people" meme/trope he's pushing: just what exactly does that mean, and how does Denis judge it ?
Finally, we get to the robot drone that currently infests the Institute of Paid Agitprop. And boy can those drones drone. Like, for instance: "As a former director of the ABC, I saw firsthand that basic business rules don't apply at Aunty. There is little interest in making the ABC more efficient, even in the smallest of ways."
Wau, and what exactly did you do about that, Slappy ? Did you try to get it fixed ? Did you produce written analyses to document the situation ? If not, didn't you get paid a very generous 'director's salary' for doing absolutely nothing ? Isn't that a serious case of dereliction of duty ?
GB - the directors of the ABC, appointed mainly by Richard Alston, although the Dame Slap seems to have been from Helen Coonan's short term as minister for communications - but all, clearly, with the supposedly responsible minister doing what J Winston wished, included -
ReplyDeleteMichael Kroger, replaced in 2003 by Ron Brunton, fresh from the IPA. Yep, the Michael Kroger who figures in Dame Slap's personal life now (or last time we heard). The other change when Brunton was appointed was that the member elected by staff was deleted. Winsston's buddy Donald McDonald was there 1996-2006, much of it in the chair. Windschuttle dropped into the chair in 2006, to find Judith Sloan, Maurice Newman and Ross McLean (who?) around the table.
That is as near as I can get to a timeline - much of the ABC's electronic records are not being kept up - budget cuts, y'know.
Now - through that time, my contacts in the ABC, but not, I stress, directly involved with the board, understood that, although the Winston warriors all understood what was expected of them, and although they all declared firm intentions - such was the narrowness of their individual vision, coupled with unshakeable confidence in their own opinions, that they just could not agree on - dare I use that dread word 'collective'? - action to achieve anything. It is one of the drawbacks of boards or committees, particularly those composed of idealogues.
Chadwick.
I don't think that group could change a light bulb (incandescent of course). As fine a group of prawn sandwich men as you could ever assemble.
DeleteWell it is just wingnut welfare when all is said and (very little or nothing) done.
DeleteCan't even really categorise it as "when thieves fall out" because they simply never fell in in the first place.
Of course they are supposedly of a shared, common ideology, but that has never ever happened, has it. The only time when a 'committee' is united is when some 'strongman' forcibly unites them, and really who has actually ever wanted the ABC board to be united ? They might start doing things that nobody, not even Little Johnny Winston, actually wants done.
But that won't stop me trying to ram it up Slappy's nose if ever I can.
But letting it rattle round the skull for a while, Chad, that's one hell of a cast of misoxenists, misanthropes and maladroits you've listed there.
DeleteYes, GB - I had, happily, almost forgotten about Brunton and his dubious 'contributions' to scholarship; down there with Windschuttle. Of McLean I had, even more happily, no recollection, and had to try 'Wikipedia'. He has a brief entry there, apparently reflecting the extent of his contributions as an MP.
DeleteChadwick
Hi Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteAre all the reptiles being paid a dollar a word now?
Pretty easy to sum up Eden-Monaro.
“Marginal seat still marginal”
DW
Dame Slap would probably approve of this. An Organisation and Methods study of an orchestra noted that "All the twelve first violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication. ... Much effort was absorbed in the playing of demisemiquavers.This seems an excessive refinement. ... There seems to be too much repetition of some musical passages. Scores should be drastically pruned. ... thus the whole concert time could be reduced to twenty minutes."
ReplyDelete(search in Google Books for "random walk science cuts score").
Makes sense to me. Could apply that thinking to, say, Aussie Rules: why have 18 onfield players all just kicking a ball ? Could at least halve that number and play on a much smaller, and cheaper, ground instead of paying for the upkeep of the MCG.
DeleteThanks for that Joe, you made my day.
DeleteGreat fun Joe, and the pond followed your advice, and learned of the need to reduce oboe players too …
Deletehttps://books.google.com.au/books?id=UGGhM2XKE_0C&pg=PA7&lpg=PA7&dq=random+walk+science+cuts+score&source=bl&ots=o9GTG28wSV&sig=ACfU3U28zgzFi3qO24w_TCo9bl2M7g01dA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjr8qbTkrfqAhXAxzgGHbQmDQwQ6AEwAHoECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=random%20walk%20science%20cuts%20score&f=false
Oh my, but Taylor and Gilbreth just live on and on and on, don't they. Even the great Elton Mayo started out that way (until he encountered the Bank Wiring Room).
DeleteAnd now ScottyfromHorizon has picked it up as his major "value" and he wants to eliminate redundant ABCers and reduce the major duplication in unemployed.