Talk about a meltdown …
No, it wasn't the heat though that was bad enough … it was the way this Monday the reptiles went full-in, and full-on, with a stunning parade of all the pond's favourites in an all-out assault on the pond's sensibilities …
Just look at that. To tackle them all?
Impossible. That way lies madness …but what brought it on, this astonishing parade?
Well like any good Freudian, the pond always looks deep into the psyche, but the reptiles are never subtle … they always parade their paranoias and neuroses on the surface …
Oh it's tough times in lizard land, with the onion muncher in peril, and the rats fleeing the ship, so naturally it was all hands on deck …
Well there had to be a winnowing, and this is the how and the why of the pond's winnowing.
First the dog botherer had to go … sure, he'd demolished the entirety of climate science using a single hot day in ancient Adelaide, an astonishing feat, but this could turn up on another day when it wasn't so bloody hot and muggy …
And Moorice was going the full Trump, but the pond already had a major Donald contender …
And the Caterist was doing more of what his institute demands, using taxpayer funds to keep the Caterist in his accustomed style… berating Labor and calling for more dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi oi …
There's a certain charm to a cracked record, but the pond wanted to focus on a sure sign that the reptiles sensed their business model was in trouble, and for that it turned to the Major …
You see, while Cameron was still pushing "both siderism", the Major was going the full Trumpian, and get this, doing it better than Moorice …
Imagine that …no, better, see here how it's done ...
Yes, think of former Chairman Kevin, because it will help avoid the pain of thinking of Slo Mo, the onion muncher, and that rough beast comrade Bill, who might even now be slouching towards Canberra ...
Now look, the pond hates to interrupt this splendid burst of what sounds a little like "both siderism" - but is in fact distilled essence of Donald-loving Trumpism - with a little pond pedantry … but shouldn't the Major attend to his scribbling?
"At the same time there was potentially damaging arrest of Roger Stone, who officially left the Trump campaign, after being indicted by special counsel Robert Mueller."
No, no, no, as Mr Cavanaugh would have said back in the pond's day in Tamworth High …
Never mind the missing "the" - that's a minor sin of omission.
What about the Major's use of "after"? It completely muddles things, and implies that Stone officially left the Trump campaign, after being indicted by special counsel Robert Mueller …
Is it any wonder that social media worries about the way that the Donald has, via the medium of Twitter - yes, the Donald is the heaviest social media user of of all - ruined literacy in the United States, and even infected someone as remote from the United States and reality as the Major?
What did the pond glean from this? Well it seems that the Major is weaning himself off his hunt for that missing Order of Lenin medal.
It seems he quite likes Russia, Vlad the impaler, Julian Assange, Wikileaks, and of course the Donald, and Donald Jr, and keens and wails with them at their suffering, and the indignities heaped upon them by a terrible media…
Of course the Major knows as little about what Mueller knows as the pond does, but naturally that qualifies him to rule on everything … in the manner of a blogger ...
But what's the real point of the exercise? Well apart from not worrying and learning to love the Donald, there's a moral point being made which reveals the deepest of all reptile anxieties ...
Yes, the Major is clearly worried about the youff of today and their readership and purchasing habits, and the lizard Oz business model, and so he comes up with the hoariest of cliches to sell the reptiles …
Sorry love, we've sold out of the 1950s, and damned if we can find that Order of Lenin medal …
But what happens if you stick to it, and as Colbert once did, you get an overdose, a glut of the Donalds and the Oreos?
Well there's only one person that can answer that question, and it's the Oreo herself, and here the pond must register a strong protest …
Who on earth decided that the Caterist deserved the cult status of a Lobbecke this day?
A masterpiece, and yet for some reason the reptiles allowed the Oreo to go unrecognised … uncartooned, un-Lobbecked, so to speak …
Why it's shocking and shameful, and any feminist in their right mind would be indignant at the hurtful treatment ...
Naturally the pond had to include the Oreo because her talk of living in Carlton and Fitzroy North was a poignant reminder of the days when she once travelled with feminists ...(and of the times when the pond also lived in Fitzroy North, and strangely discovered a middle class, staid, conservative landscape populated by people who could afford the booming property prices …)
Not to sorry, now she's doing identity politics of a different kind … you know, solidarity with white kids from middle-class backgrounds …
The pond had to struggle to indulge in the Oreo.
One of the pond's new year resolutions was its decision to abandon any reptile the moment they used "virtue signal" or "virtue signalling", the most over-used and abused term in the very limited reptile vocabulary, even worse than that long march by Gramsci ...
It's hard to know what Aboriginal people think? Back in 2017 it seemed clear enough … Most Indigenous Australians want date and name of Australia Day changed, poll finds ...
Ah, but that was in the wicked Graudian and the Major had warned the pond against that mob ...
Never mind, those who only read the Oreo for pure, undiluted comedy will recall that the comprehensive welfare system she's suddenly so proud of in that last par was a source of shocked contempt only a few pars earlier, because it fed activists, indulged them, treated them like pampered pets on the loose …
Damn you, New Start, there's nothing like two hundred seventy or so bucks a day to keep anyone in a goodly, bigly supply of Oreos …living high on the hog …when really you're just a bunch of dropkick losers, wannabes and failures ...
And there was another shock to the system. Despite the Major's dire warnings, it seems that the Oreo occasionally reads the papers once known as Fairfax …
But then came that bloody "virtue signalling" again, and all that talk of failure.
Do we really want to go there? Do we really want a nation of 'leets? Do we really want to join forces with international globalists, and gasp, risk rubbing shoulders with celebrities at Davos?
In short, do we really want to become a virtue signaller like the Oreo? Do we really want to become 'leet globalists of the Oreo kind?
Suddenly the pond hungered for simpler nostrums, wise advice from an elder statesman never afraid to show his emotions, a bush lad full of tears and laughter ...
What better way to finish that with a dash of Barners?
Curious. Another odd construction …
"...apparently as farmers we just have to suck it up …"
After all the recent turmoil in his life, has Barners taken up farming?
Probably not, he's just in the middle of a rant, frothing and foaming in inimitable Barners' style, about bell curves and bell jars and bells ringing in his ears like a bout of tinnitus, and just got carried away … or he might still be suffering from PTSD …
Oh it's worry times for the reptiles - more on that shocking story at that shocking rag the Graudian here - but it does help explain why they came out all guns blazing this day … go the Donald, go climate science denialism, go dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, go the wall, go barricades of all kind, go mixed metaphors and bell curves and the whole damn thing ...
The pond can only offer support in their suffering, and allow Barners to continue on his way and finish his rant …and what a fine rant it is ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, was that a burst of Barners gone bonkers or what? Metaphors splashed around, from herbaceous delicacies to anchors in the ground to hands tied behind the back in a fifty shades spray …
It was classic, vintage Barners, with bonus Kim Philby …as dotty as some of the pond's Tamworth ancient aunts brooding under the wisteria, and perhaps thinking they live in Adelaide …
In short, Barners wiped the floor with the rest of the reptiles, and made them look timid and innocuous.
Barners swept aside the weak-kneed Major, he knocked the Oreo over like a sugar and fat filled virtue signalling treat, and he justified the pond in overlooking the immortal Moorice, at least for the moment.
But in honour of Moorice's sterling effort - oh Moorice how could the pond forsake you of all reptile scribblers? - the pond will wrap things up with a cartoon that the pond feels certain Moorice would just love to death ...
Barnaby reminds me of a stir crazy bull have a look at the eyes they tell you a lot about him.
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting to see which reptile is dumb enough to try and blame renewables for the numerous coal and gas fails in Victoria. Can I tentatively pencil in Nick Cater? That headline suggests he is probably the dumbest of a dull lot.
ReplyDeleteRecommended for the Oreo, we take a look at the ideological project of telling us everything’s going swimmingly, how those in power cook the books and spin data to make their case for maintaining the status quo, and how The Neoliberal Optimism Industry is, at its core, an anti-intellectual enterprise designed to lull us into complacency and political impotence., from https://citationsneeded.libsyn.com/episode-58-the-neoliberal-optimism-industry?
ReplyDeleteWell, what a wondrous display from the Oreo today. Right up front we had this absolute gem:
ReplyDelete"Australia celebrates while ignoring the wails from the self-loathing loony green left."
What a revelation by our Jenni about our Jenni; what a great example of psychological projection and transference. So, she suffers from self-loathing which she projects onto "the green left" and transfers her self-deploring emotions onto them. So now we know why she isn't a feminist nowadays: she can't muster up enough self-respect to continue to be one.
Then she gave us a couple of additional jewels; firstly:
"Australians are well aware that British settlement involved horrific brutality against indigenous inhabitants, the effects of which have been intergenerational."
Ok so "horrific brutality" which is "intergenerational" - in other words, the "horrific brutality" has continued on, essentially unabated, for hundreds of years. Because that's what "intergenerational" means, yes ? Something that continues for more than one lifetime.
But no worries, we can still call that a "settlement" and not an invasion. After all, "horrific brutality" is something that all indigenes experience once they've been "settlemented", isn't it. So it's nothing to point the finger at us for.
And then, secondly:
"But it also brought the benefits of modernity and enlightenment, few of which are acknowledged by dedicated misery merchants."
Oh, so when did that start then ? Before or after the stolen generations ? Before or after the Black War and the annihilation of Tasmanian aboriginals ? Or did it perhaps start after Menzies in 1962 gave aboriginals the vote in federal elections, provided that they pretended that they weren't aboriginals. Because really, aboriginals didn't actually exist in Australia until the referendum of 1967 gave the Commonwealth the power to pass Aboriginal specific legislation and they were then added to the list of people counted by the census.
Anyway, 1962 minus 1788 = 174 years. Which is basically about 2.5 'standard' lifetimes. Oh yeah, that'd be "intergenerational" enough, wouldn't it ?
But here's a thought: how many aboriginal tribes own a profitable gaming casino ? Now that's a real fine example of "the benefits of modernity and enlightenment", isn't it.
As soon as you use virtue signalling, the argument has been lost.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand,the running reptiles of capitalism, is phrase not used often enough.