Friday, January 18, 2019

In which the pond does another dreaded triptych … worse than a triple somersault, flipping with Moorice, Henry and our man Flint ...


An unsolicited, unwanted, unprompted message from Clive, and as a result, the pond thought it could kick off a laid-back, jokey Friday without a care in the world, as the weekend loomed …

Clive's ads have been all over YouTube like a cockroach, suggesting it costs peanuts to buy a spot on the site, the sort of moola Clive could afford, once he avoided paying his employees. 

Perhaps the ABC could get Tony Jones to do another penetrating interview, like he did in the good old days …

But on to the assorted crises gripping the reptiles, and the pond knew it was serious because Moorice was leading the way …


Moorice has been predicting, yearning, hoping for the apocalypse for so long now, it's about bloody time it happened …


Good old Moorice. Who else could start off with such a ripper line and such a ripper equation - democracy = competitive capitalism.

Take that Xians, and your silly socialist delusional leader. 

Only a while ago, the reptiles were worrying that millennials couldn't do maths, and all they needed was Moorice to teach them how to do their sums …bloody useless, hopeless youffs …sock it to 'em Moorice ...


Oh yes we'll all be rooned, and where's the onion muncher when he's needed, and what's this SloMo talk of a surplus? 

Stand well clear. When Moorice does a jeremiad, this Jeremiah spares nothing and nobody and might even quote Ayn Rand - apparently unaware that Ayn found relief at the end thanks to government welfare ...


Passing strange, muh lud, the pond did think that it was hard rightists, Murdochians and Moorice, splendid agent provocateurs all, who claimed these hapless folk were victims of the "hard Left" and perhaps even GetUp. 

Which is why the pond always reads Moorice for a diligent thought correction …after all, who controls the lizard Oz, controls the future … of an ageing demographic shouting at clouds ...


Indeed, indeed, it seems these bloody millennials, with their blather about climate change are everywhere …


Here, have a cartoon, you'll need it, because it isn't just Moorice that's in a funk … 




More papal redemption here, which is just as well because "hole in the bucket" Henry has gone feral ...


High noon? Emergency powers? Jackboots? Democracy is dead? Call for Adolf, or perhaps a handy gunslinger?



The pond just had to slip in that illustration as a reminder of the way they did it in the old days, because the mobile-framed, out-of-focus offering from Lobbecke that accompanied poor old Henry looks really weird …

Never mind, it guarantees our Henry cult status ...


Yes, he did go there, he went the Adolf … warning, the soup Nazi is in the kitchen … and our Henry has gone the full heil furchtloser Anführer ...


Indeed, indeed. How right to fear the brutes, the deplorables, the wretches, the hungry terrifying hordes. Lock up your children, huddle with Marie Antoinette and our Henry under the bed … the rabble are out and about …


But enough of movie references, our Henry has got the fear … though strangely when the Murdochians were reporting on the mobs chanting 'lock her up', all was good, and being friends with Xi and Vlad the impaler were just good business opportunities for 'competitive capitalism' ...


And there, millennials is another equation, thanks to our Henry: Cincinnatus = the Donald, sort of …

It's time for a Donald dictatorship! Centurion, bring forth the emergency powers, or at least Rusty running his hands gently over a field of wheat ...


Around this point, the pond started to wonder when it became the fashion amongst the Murdochians to announce - once they'd lost some point - that the end of the world was nigh and all was rooned, and soon enough the rabble would be in the 'leet Surry Hills offices giving them a trashing, and not a coffee to be found from the nearby world class baristas….

When did the apocalypse become such a fashionable business? When did the manly men who spurn Gillette ads learn to make a living by wetting their pants and fearing the raging mob?


Passing strange, muh lud, whatever happened to Rees-Mogg's proposition that there was an exciting business opportunity in the wind for 'competitive capitalism' …


If you don't have a life you can watch it here, but might the pond instead suggest How to explain Jacob Rees-Mogg? Start with his father's books

Or perhaps have a cartoon ...



More ringing of the Bell here - do not ask for whom the Bell tolls - because only the hardiest jolly hockey stickers will be able to handle the cracking pace set by the pond.

You see, the pond couldn't just leave it to the reptiles, the pond simply had to check out the best of the best at the Speccie mob.

Forget Mark Latham, come on down Flinty, with a marvellous self-portrait to get the show on the road …


Actually the New York Times was even more devious and wretched by having fun with prevert penguins ...


What on earth would the onion muncher make of this sordid tale?


More of that shocking tale here … the wretched smarty pants at the NY Times thought it was some kind of antipodean fun, not realising the way it undermined the onion muncher and sundry reptiles dedicated to the natural order of things …

Meanwhile, the pond shouldn't forget that good old Flinty was still rabbiting on …bloody women, bloody women politicians ...


Poor old Theresa. All the Schick-using manly men slunk away to leave her with the job, and now it's all her fault …

Forget the manly Boris, he'll live to wreck and fuck up another day, while she's forever a figure of fun and epic failure...


And meanwhile Rees-Mogg sees exciting opportunities everywhere, and there's simply no room in British asylums to contain the wild-eyed Tories roaming the land …

And now we must pause, to make room for our man Flint to give himself a pat on the back …followed by an epic example of how to do climate science ...


There you go, that's how to do climate science in your dotage. Why Flinty recalls heat waves from his childhood - whoever imagined such a thing, why the pond recollects in Tamworth that it rarely got above twenty - and who knew there was a fiendish conspiracy afoot … and Malware was the chief conspirator …

Our man Flint does, and that's why the pond finds something comforting in Flinty identifying with Bill Hunter in Muriel's Wedding ...

But enough of movie references. What news, what view halloo from the United States?

Things seemed so glum with 'Hole in the bucket' Henry and an hysterical Moorice, but our man Flint will get the weekend off to a happy start with his usual celebration of the noble deeds of the Donald ...


And it's true, reading all that resulted in the pond feeling tremendously gay and smiling with glee.

Why, forget all this idle talk of democracy, and relax agitated Henry.

We have our fearless dictator, and he is leading us to the promised land, and as he walks through the idyllic landscape, our man Flint will be there ...always ready to jerk his chain, or perhaps perform other feats not possible to mention in a family-friendly blog …

Here, have a couple more cartoons, and enjoy the sort of weekend Flinty once enjoyed in his childhood …



2 comments:

  1. Well that really was some triptych, DP; three of the saddest reptiles to be found anywhere.

    Moorice is really peering into the deep abyss, isn't he. And, as frequently advertised, the abyss is peering right back. The only thing I can't get is whatever was Moorice supposedly good at ? Anything ?

    What did catch my attention though was despite Moorice's sideswipes at GetUp! he made no mention of Advance Australia at all. Wasn't AA the self appointed team of vengeful knights that were going to wipe GetUp! off the map ? Has AA fallen apart already ?

    And I did enjoy The Bucket Man's little homily about Cincinnatus. So very touching and inspiring, don't you think ?

    But then let us see what Wikipedia has to say:
    "[Cincinnatus]... a historical figure who served as suffect consul in 460 BC and as dictator in 458 BC and (possibly) again in 439 BC, when the patricians called on him to suppress the feared uprising of the plebeians under Spurius Maelius."

    An "uprising of the plebeians" ? Oh, how terribly anti-Roman.

    But I enjoyed the Guardian article on the Rees-Moggs, all the more so because not one single (or married) woman appeared in it anywhere. So basically, Jacob was formed in and born from, an artificial womb, yes ? Just the sort of progenesis that a Silicon Valley libertarian would dream about, I reckon.

    Then last, and most definitely least, Flinty. And indeed what can be said about Flinty ? ...

    But he did say, didn't he, that "Australians are not lying awake at night wondering why they don't have more women politicians ..." And he's right: none of us have to ever wonder that in a world full of Flints and other reptiles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dorothy.
    Oh how Murdoch can pick the old corns that are in pain and will only be relieved by rewriting history.

    ReplyDelete

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