In which the pond overdoses on Switzer, McGregor and the Caterists ... so much nonsense, so little time ...

That's enough of trolling the Donald for the moment, because the pond has an important point of order to discuss ...

Yesterday, a reader challenged the pond for totally ignoring Tom Switzer scribbling away in Fairfax, urging the return of the onion muncher, and needlessly, pointlessly, favouring the Terrorists and the lizards of Oz over tedious Tom ...

The pond had to politely explain that Switzer was a doofus and a dunderhead, a wannabe loser who hangs around Fairfax and the ABC like a bad smell and passes as the "house con" ...

The only point to Switzer's existence is that his copy can be used to flog advertisements for trading in gold, a sure sign that a market collapse is approaching ...

This sort of "house con", like his rap equivalents, has no real purpose or point ... which is why he can scribble this sort of out-dated nonsense.

Already the reptiles have passed by the onion muncher and are furiously debating whether it should be the asbestos-proof skirt from WA or the mutton Dutton from the police plod north, but Switzer is only just catching up with earlier reptile cries for the return of the onion muncher, in a Bolter-lite sort of way ...

You see? That's why the "house con" exists - to ensure that there are vast areas of the ABC that the pond will switch off, as soon as a Switzer or a Pauline Hanson bobs up ...

The pond appreciates and understands that the Fairfaxians have been lost for many months now, searching for a replacement Paul Sheehan, someone who can troll their liberal base, drag in a few faux conservatives who don't realise Fairfax is the devil incarnate, and play the fool, but Switzer is not that great white dope.

Switzer is a lost cause, a useless dropkick and a waste of space, and that's why the pond ignores him 

The pond is grateful for his help in giving up the RN habit, but that's as far as it goes ...

By way of contrast, look, over at the Terror this morning, where there's talk of the Liberal leadership ...

Now there's a lot of talk before McGregor gets to the point, and in view of this being an omnibus edition, please excuse the pond if it cuts to the onion muncher chase ...

There you go. Abbott himself is declaring himself irredeemably damaged.

Of course it might well be a false flag operation, the most cunning move of all ... very Br'er Rabbit in the briar patch, but at least there's a sense of relevance, instead of assorted Switzer inanities..

Oh and there's some spiffing illustrations ...

Oh alright, the shot of the onion muncher at the start of the piece is also something to see ...

Where do they get these demonic shots of the onion muncher from?

Well if only they would bring the onion muncher back. Switzer could gloat, and the government could go down the gurgler in fine style, and all would be well in the land.

And so to another matter, the Caterist feast of the day.

Now the pond realises that this makes its reporting of the day far too long and too unwieldy, too bulky to digest, like dumping an entire pack of bran in the bowl without a single raisin treat.

But there's also a goodly chance that no one will finish this bigly offering and so the Caterist will be ignored this day, and surely that virtuous circle contains some sort of reward...

The assumption in this headline is that the Caterists somehow know how to be heroes of the working class ... perhaps might even be heroes of the working class ...

Now do Tom Switzer acolytes get it? 

There's nothing like the raw power of distilled essence of Caterist crap to put a sparkle in the step, a buzz in the brain, and a positive outlook on the world ... and the illustration's pretty spiffing.

Serve the coffee, clock watch, and see how the pocket bulges with green hundred dollar bills ...

There you see, Switzer lovers? 

That's exactly the sort of cheap shot that the pond loves. 

It allows the pond to head off to the Caterist wiki here to confirm that the fool scored a useless degree in Sociology from the University of Exeter, and then to follow up with further research that suggests that Exeter has hovered in recent years between 12 and 14, but currently sits at 13 in the 2017 UK university league table ranking ...

Lucky 13! Way, way above 14, which explains why it's fine to throw cheap shots in glass houses.

Throw in the Caterist pretending to give a flying fuck about working people and it's bliss poop for Toad of Toad Hall berating the wicked weasels ...

Now around this point, the pond is always searching for that final Caterist flourish as he sheds crocodile tears about the treatment of workers, with nary a mention of what it might be like to work for franchises peddling shit to fat Australians on a Sunday ...

And here it comes ...

Some entrepreneurial spine?

If only we all had the Caterist entrepreneurial spine, and an infinite capacity for cash in the paw grants sucked from the teat of the generous taxpayer ...

Still no further update? Still no grant for 2017 listed here?

Oh dear, how will the entrepreneurial Caterists survive? Surely there must be ongoing reward for such a robust display of entrepreneurial spine?

Never mind, just as the pond must find room for the Caterist grant, so Rowe drawing the Donald must always be mentioned, and more very mentionable Rowe can be found here ...