In which the pond does an epic dance with Sharri, hellion from hell, tormenting Malware with hellfire. Is breadmaking the explanation?

Why not begin with a meme this day, especially one that's a homage to one of the pond's favourite MoMA paintings, here ... Andrew Wyeth's Christina's World ...

... because the rest of the news from the US bemuses the pond.

Why is everyone agitated about the lying Sessions when his boss is such an exceptional serial liar? Isn't lying and loving and serving Vlad the new world order? Oh sure, lying under oath is a step up from the average lie, but all that proves is that Sessions is a diligent, courageous liar ...

On the domestic front, the news was equally bleak. The pond was shocked by the extraordinary depravity revealed by the Terror this day ...

The Dark Ages!

How Dark? Actual breadmaking!

Oh the filthy, perverted swine. Breadmaking! Is there no end to this hippie shit?! Breadmaking?! Soon enough someone will be wanting to break bread with the pond. Well they can just bugger off with that Clover crap ...

Meanwhile, the Terror was in full paranoid hysterical mode with an "exclusive" that littered the front tree-killer page and topped the digital edition ...

Point of order m'lud.

It isn't an "exclusive", the Currish Snail had the same story, and a better, more dinkum cover ...

Boomerange terrorists! Oh the toads are so cute and clever ... though the fuss struck the pond as passing strange. 

The pond thought that anyone returning from a war zone/declared area could be arrested the moment they step off a plane ...

Screen cap only. Do search and find plenty more here, including news of declared areas, but the reptiles aren't too worried about any of that. 

They just want to shit-stir, the first of that hellion from hell Sharri's offerings for the day, reaching for an eggbeater for an act which was always going to be a tad difficult, as can be read at the ABC here ...back in 2015!!

Ah the mutton Dutton, the subject of a classic Murdochian beat-up, which brings the pond to the main Sharri feast for the day, though there's absolutely no bread or breadmaking involved in the festivities ...

They just can't get enough of the onion muncher, the reptiles.

How they love him, how they waltz with him, how they quote him gaily on a daily basis ... anything for a Sharri  hellion hellfire shit-stir ...

The pond is thinking of organising a contest.

What's more tedious? The onion muncher berating Malware about 18C, the reptiles rabbiting on endlessly about 18C, or hellion from hell Sharri reporting on the onion muncher mouthing off ...

Who knows what biggest selling newspaper Sharri, hellion from hell, is referring to, but that photo of the onion muncher did remind the pond of the thoughts of Mandy at SBS here, taking a break from droning away on the ABC ...

“He’s a narcissist, and it’s always been about Tony – always – from the minute he was born.” The former Senator crushed Mr Abbott’s reported hopes of returning to the prime ministership. “He has got no support whatsoever – people can see him for what he is,” she said. “How low can you go when you make a speech saying you’re not going to snipe – unlike Gillard, that’s what he said, he wasn’t going to be a sniper – and then hop on the phone and organise for a group of people to meet regularly by phone and do the sniping?”

Sorry Mandy, Sharri loves her sniping, and places great store in email campaigns ... because digital ...

Oh quiver in the boots. Next thing we know, there'll be an outbreak of breadmaking across the land, thanks to the perfidious Clover, and then where will we be?

Gagging ... or perhaps gagged ...

Now the pond has nothing but praise for that illustration. Sure it's fuckwitted and hagiographic, but in its own way, it perfectly captures the tone of Sharri, the hellion from hell's piece, and the whole damned reptile 18C thing ...

As if the onion muncher ever shuts up, as if anyone - least of all Malware - has worked out how to make the bugger shut up for even a minute ...

It's that whole narcissist, paranoid, persecuted thing, down there with Jeanne d'Arc...

And then it gets even richer,  truly rich, like shillings in an Xmas pud ...

Say what? Say that again?

Some are urging Peter Dutton to accept a suicide mission and lead the party to defeat in the greater interest of the Liberal cause.

That's fucking amazing, that's fucking weird ... up there with breadmaking as a hobby ...

Those "some" are weird, sick puppies ...

Head off into the valley of impotent wilderness in order to remain chaste and true and pure ... and completely powerless, while handing over to Comrade Bill?

Why not don a cilice while at it, and draw blood on a daily basis, and wear sackcloth and ashes and howl at the moon? It's the pure, virginal, "greater interest", true to conservative values thing to do ...

Well after that, there's just time for a snap of the valiant dropkick loser hoping the troops prefer dishonour and defeat to a comfortable time in actual power, and a few last words from Sharri, hellion from hell ...

He started work in a butcher's shop? Well that sheds a little light ...

But please m'lud, allow the pond to raise a point of order ...

"Paranoid" is usually understood to refer to an irrational, delusional and persistent feeling that people are 'out to get you' ...

If Malware thinks that the onion muncher and the reptiles are out to get him, the pond must pronounce him at the peak of mental health, highly alert and with an acute grasp of the real world, because that persistent feeling is entirely rational and entirely in touch with actuality, reality, and the verifiable facts of the matter.

Breadmaking!

Now muh lud, if the pond might lead some ancillary evidence, to prove that Malware's plea of rational sanity, as opposed to a state of paranoia, has some substance ...

Well yes, who better to turn to regarding the current fuss over penalty rates than the onion muncher?

If you happened to be a bunch of reptiles wanting to make Malware's paranoia seem the peak of mental health, why not throw in Gra Gra speculating that the mutton "butcher" Dutton - the man who mucked up the matters Sharri got hysterical about - is now on the move.

Why not throw in a bouffant one piece about Malware's failings?

Well the pond will bite.

Whenever the onion muncher does in Malware, that sense of lemmings suiciding grows ever stronger in the pond ...

It's remarkable how a man who struggled to sell snow and ice to Eskimos wanting to build an igloo now thinks the job is just a matter of doing it harder ...

Harder, Jeeves, harder my good fellow, there's a dear chappie ...

Indeed, indeed. It took two reptiles to gather the thoughts of the onion muncher and scribble them down ...

After that, the pond lost all interest in the story, but for pedants and enthusiasts - the few that haven't already dropped off like flies from the fatigue - here's the rest of it ...

Now around this point, the pond can sense punters saying this is all very well, and it's good to hear where Erica stands - Erica being at the heart of the current government - but why haven't we heard from other ratbags ... important people like gorgeous George and Craig "bushranger" Kelly?

As always, the reptiles listen to requests, and are only too keen to splatter the platters that matter ...

There's hardly a need for Chairman Bill to lift a finger, what with assorted Liberals and the reptiles doing all his work.

What to do, what to do, lemmings, as the cliff approaches? Why jump off ... jump hard and far ...

Remember, suicide is painless and it's best to sound like a disorganised rabble falling apart ... or rather being torn apart from the inside ... and suicide will keep you pure and virginal and heroically conservative. No breadmakers need apply! Just trainee butchers if you please ...

After all that, it's time for a sandwich, and after the assorted merde sandwiches the reptiles have served up to Malware this day, the pond suggests attending the Cafe Merde celebrated by David Rowe, with more Rowe here.