So here's a little digital sand in your face, coming at ya from big Mal ...

Yes click share, let's feel the love.

Oh never mind, just click share, and share the hate, and share it long and hard.

Yes poor old big Mal just wants to be loved, but the geekerati, the digerati, now fear, loath and despise him.

And who can blame them? Sentenced to life on HFC and Optus? 

Why you might just as well send them off to spend time in a gulag with Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

Poor old Renai LeMay a few days ago at Delimiter took it personally and scribbled Please accept my apologies: I was wrong about Malcolm Turnbull.

What's that you say, good old Renai?

Okay Renai, the pond has done the right thing and linked to you, but now we want to really whack you on the paper with a rolled up newspaper, and rub your nose in a splendid mix of mustard and your past musings. Please do go on:

In that past three years, I have attempted to treat all statements by all sides of politics on their merits. I have treated the Coalition’s statements on the NBN seriously, and I have treated Labor’s statements on the NBN seriously. I have treated the Greens’ statements on the NBN seriously. 
Many readers have argued with me about this approach. They have pointed out that Turnbull, and others within the Coalition, have very often taken an inconsistent approach to the NBN, stating one thing and then doing another. There are examples littered throughout the past three years; I need not bring them all up individually. 
This inconsistent approach — where Turnbull and other senior Coalition figures have protested their support for the NBN in public but often taken actions which have seemed inimical to that support in practice — has led many readers to develop a complete lack of faith in the Coalition when it comes to the NBN project. Many have reverted to Abbott’s 2010 request that Turnbull “demolish” the NBN, and will believe very little of what the Member for Wentworth says when it comes to the project. 
In this context, my approach of trying to listen to all sides has rubbed many the wrong way. Many readers believe I have been trying to achieve “balance for balance’s sake” instead of trying to get to the truth of the matter. I haven’t been doing that: I’ve honestly been trying to get to the truth of the matter. Because of this, I’ve argued long and hard with many of you about this issue. 
Well, I am here today to formally apologise. I was wrong to have faith in Malcolm Turnbull and the Coalition on this issue. You were all right, and I was wrong. Turnbull does indeed appear to be attempting to “demolish” the NBN. 
I sat in a press conference at NBN Co headquarters this morning and listened for two hours while Turnbull and a series of his NBN appointees explained how they would construct less of the NBN even than the Coalition promised in April. Those areas currently “served” (as laughable as that term is to many who live there) by the HFC cable footprint, it now appears, will get no upgrade at all. Many will doubtless still be on ADSL2+ when the Coalition’s “NBN” is completed.

Uh huh. So what are you going to do about it Renai?

With all this in mind, I would like to issue a formal apology to Delimiter’s readers. I was wrong. I was wrong to believe Malcolm Turnbull that he had honourable intentions for the NBN. I was wrong to believe that the project would survive in a reasonable form under a Coalition Government. I was wrong to trust that the dream of faster broadband for all Australians could be still be realised in a different model. 

Uh huh. Apology accepted. So what are you going to do about it Renai?

Please believe me, once and for all, that I have lost any faith I had in Turnbull in his role as the Communications Minister and as a leader in Australia’s technology landscape. From now on Delimiter’s default position will be that the Minister is not acting in the best interests of Australia from a NBN perspective. I will require significant evidence in each and every article I cover to shake me out of that belief. I will still deal with all political players with respect, politeness and professionalism, as I always have, but it is now clear that there is a fundamental gulf between what the Coalition says it is doing and what it is actually doing. I will now attempt to pinpoint that gap in a much more direct fashion.

Uh huh. Wouldn't it just be simpler to say the NBN is fucked, you're fucked, we're fucked, the pond's fucked, and Malcolm Turnbull - who will discover that geek rage is slow but festers - is now also fucked?

... I must hold the Coalition in contempt for breaking all of its promises. Delimiter is, after all, an evidence-based site. And the evidence today is that the Coalition is not sincere about delivering super-fast broadband to all Australians. Please believe I will hold the Government and Turnbull personally to account on this basis from now on. And forgive me for my mistake.

Oh okay, forgiveness is a proper thing, considering the season, though it's impossible to forget, and come to think of it, fucked if the pond will forgive big Mal.

And contempt is really good. Let's not forget the contempt .

Just remember big Mal is the sort of bully boy who came up and kicked sand in your face while you were on the beach trying to wire up your transistor radio and pick up that girl.

Sorry Renai, you knew they were coming, didn't you? You know, those old Charles Atlas' advertisements? You see, the pond can't resist turning from you to abject geek helplessness and impotence.

Sorry if they're slow to download, but you know how it goes ...

In your dreams, geeks. You never did buy that chest expander, did you? Laughed at lycra-clad Tony Abbott ...

And you till spend too much time on line gaming ... at very slow speeds ...

Face it, you'll never get even, the big bullies, the lying, cheating, deceiving, sand-kicking bullies have won ...