Amazing scenes and an exciting new poetry competition, thanks to the reptiles at the lizard Oz

The pond has long yearned for the return of the Ezra Pound modernist poetry competition.

Sure, Pound had his difficulties, with a tendency towards fascism and madness, but his contribution to modernism shouldn't be overlooked.

So you can imagine the profound excitement the pond felt when it discovered that the editorialist at The Australian had recently published an epic poem. Yes it did, here, but to help it in the competition, the pond has done a little formatting. It was under the heading:

Requiem for Angry Old White Males - EXCLUSIVE

Regardless of what he is writing about -
The Gallipoli centenary, Labor's existential turmoil
Or the policy pratfalls of a new government,
As he is today -
Our editor-at-large, Paul Kelly,
Brings his penetrating insight and peerless authority.
The Australian is blessed with writers
Such as Dennis Shanahan on politics,
Greg Sheridan on foreign affairs,
John Durie on business
And Judith Sloan
And David Uren on economics,
And many others in the top rank,
Who have lived through the big moments
In the nation's history
And are able to provide readers
With a sense of perspective,
Knowledge
And
Balance
On the issues of the day.
Along with experienced editors,
They allow us to cut through the noise
And tumult
Of a frenetic news cycle
To explain events.
Yet that can't be said
Of all media outlets,
Especially when seasoned journalists
Are being traded for ones
Unable to see beyond the dazzle
Of the instantaneous fix
Of Twitter or web-first publishing.
These callow reporters and trainee talking heads
Are setting the pace at
Fairfax Media
And the ABC,
With their "breaking" views and zippy analysis
Five minutes after something has happened.
We can see the crude results
In the way the Abbott government
Is being portrayed as bad, mad and chaotic
By the baby faces in the press gallery and beyond.
To date, the low-point of juvenilia
Was struck by John van Tiggelen,
Editor of The Monthly,
Old enough to know better
But clueless about Canberra,
Who wrote about the Abbott government's
"Onanistic reverence for John Howard"
And described it as
"This frat party of Young Liberals
Who refuse to grow up".
This twaddle
Would be harmless
If these ill-informed innocents
Were on the fringes of new media,
Learning their craft in the minor leagues.
Alarmingly, these infantile musings
Reflect the priorities of their organisations:
It's a reverse-publishing model,
Which sees the trivialities of Generation Y
Setting the agenda
For once-venerable newspapers,
Which traditionally served
Older, educated, middle-income readers
In Sydney and Melbourne.
No wonder Fairfax Media editors
Have lost touch with loyal readers
And the respect of the old-hands
Still in the newsroom.
At the ABC, Triple-J
Alumni have wrested
Cultural and editorial control
In the face of insipid leadership
From managing director
Mark Scott
And his news director,
Kate Torney.
You wonder if anyone's
Really in charge
At Pyrmont,
Docklands
And Ultimo
And how long
This idiocy can last.

It was inspirational stuff, right up there with Sir Henry Newbolt, who admittedly wasn't modernist, but who did much to inspire modernism, what with the revulsion felt towards fusty old angry white men sitting in leather chairs in clubs bemoaning the young for not having a jolly good time in the first world war.

Happily First Dog rose to the epic challenge and came up with this, an equally epic response, which you may have to click to enlarge, or head off to First Dog here (may be paywall affected), to gain a full depth insight. It came to the pond with the rather cruel heading "Self Frotting Editorial" but we will accept the contestant's heading:

Comment should not be cheap (or this funny):

And then the Crikey editorialist, here, behind the paywall, decided to offer up another challenge just yesterday, setting the judges on edge, and the audience wild with excitement:

Regardless of what he is writing about -
The nuances of government policy,
Labor's existential turmoil
O the policy pratfalls of a new government -
Our politics editor, Bernard Keane,
Brings his penetrating insight
And peerless authority.
Crikey is blessed
With writers
Such as Guy Rundle
And Jane Caro
On the state of the world,
Margot Saville and Cathy Alexander,
Matthew Knott on media,
Paddy Manning on business,
Raymond Gill on arts and culture,
And many others in the top rank,
Who have lived through the big moments
In the nation's history
And are able to provide
Readers with a sense of perspective,
Knowledge
And balance
On the issues of the day.
Along with experienced editors,
They allow us to cut through
The noise and tumult
Of a frenetic news cycle
To explain events.
Yet that can't be said of all media outlets,
Especially when seasoned journalists
Are being traded
For ones unable to see
Beyond the dazzle
Of the instantaneous fix
Of Twitter or web-first publishing.
These callow reporters
And trainee talking heads
Are setting the pace
At News Corporation,
With their "thoughtful" views
And inane analysis five minutes
After something has happened.
We can see the crude results
In the way the ABC
Is being portrayed
As bad, mad and chaotic
By the baby faces in the Murdoch stable.
To date,
The low-point of juvenilia
Was struck by Greg Sheridan
And Janet Albrechtsen
In The Australian.
For the sin of publishing the scoop
About Australian phone surveillance
Of the Indonesian president,
Sheridan accuses the ABC
Of being
"Driven by a specific,
Narrow ideological worldview"
And by
"The obsessions
Which emanate from that ideology".
And Albrechtsen goes further,
Claiming ABC managing director Mark Scott
"Chose to fuel tensions and nationalist sentiments
In a fledgling democracy"
And "to undermine an immigration policy
Aimed at preventing deaths at sea".
This twaddle
Would be harmless
If these ill-informed innocents
Were on the fringes of new media,
Learning their craft
In the minor leagues.
Alarmingly,
These infantile musings
Reflect the priorities of their organisation:
It's a reverse-publishing model,
The manic frothing of a conservative cult
Setting the agenda
For a once-venerable newspaper,
Which traditionally served older,
Educated, middle-income readers
In Sydney and Melbourne.
No wonder News Corp editors
Have lost touch with loyal readers
And the respect of the old hands
Still in the newsroom.
At The Australian,
Ayn Rand alumni
Have wrested cultural
And editorial control
In the face of insipid leadership
From editor Chris Mitchell
And his acolytes.
You wonder
If anyone's really in charge
At Holt Street a
And how long
This idiocy can last.

Let the competition continue.
Let blank verse
Of mindless blankness
Reign supreme.

In the interim, the pond thinks that First Dog should get the nod, if only for his post-modernist blend of blank verse and graphic stylings. But we are inclined to give a special award to the editorialist at the lizard Oz, for originating the competition with such a stimulating display of masturbating in public.

This is the way forward, transforming sexual values and public debate at one and the same time.

The pond is also, in the spirit of getting everyone to participate, open to the notion of the competition being called the Ayn Rand Prize for Frottage, though serious post-modernists might argue that all forms of onanism should be encouraged: