After the excitement of the modernist poetry competition ...

After the excitement of the Ezra Pound modernist poetry competition, the pond needed a quiet TGIF.

And was immediately struck by the neediness of the needs-based crony commentariat beavering away at the lizard Oz.

What is it with all this "needs" stuff? Why all the neediness? Government needs, infrastructure needs, the bouffant hair needs ... a good dose of conditioner.

Happily the pond immediately knew it didn't need to read any of these needy yearners, bleating like lost lambs in a field of commentariat dreams.

Instead what joy, the fat owl of the remove, known to some as Billy Bunter, turned up with a fabulous splash:

The pond has absolutely no knowledge of what indicative history Akker Dakker has access to, but presumably it excludes the entirety of the second world war, unless he thinks that somehow the second world war didn't involve the national interest.

History would indicate that Bob Menzies resigned as PM on 29th August 1941 and history would indicate that the electorate turned to John Curtin and the Labor party, and history would indicate that as a result the country entrusted its war time fate to a mob of politicians who had routinely been denounced as Leftist.

The pond is tempted to say that Akker Dakker needs to read a little history, but what would be the point, because in the kingdom of the two eyed, the one eyed are generally rabid zealots.

As usual, it's a single word that the pond finds offensive: The ALP's always been blind to the national interest.

Always? Until the twelfth of never, and that's a long, long time?

Shoddy history, shoddy stupid blind one-eyed folly, and no need to read any further really, because anybody who delivers that sort of line straight faced is just as likely to assure you that Manly and Collingwood are the only football teams worth supporting.

Never mind, the day is already full of amazing outings and astonishing claims. Like this one:

Just reading that little splash, the pond needed to take a break to cope with the gust of laughter sweeping in like a gale from the north.

Of course Hitler was also a great one for claiming he'd gone to great lengths to restore integrity to the German parliament, but the pond would never contravene Godwin's Law, not even in a direly needy moment.

As usual, it was the chutzpah, the over-reaching, the pious exaggeration - gone to great lengths - that got to the pond.

The last time the pond dipped into the festering, stinking cesspit known as Queensland politics, the word was that Newman's great integrity drive had been something of a belly flop, with Newman could lose seat: poll.

“The Premier’s shameful, outrageous act of sacking an entire parliamentary committee last week, because it exposed a truth he did not want exposed, has resonated deeply in the Ashgrove community,’’ she said. 
‘‘Mr Newman will clearly answer for that at the next poll.” 

Well she would say that, wouldn't she, but equally it's hard to see how acting like a gauleiter roaming the Queensland range is restoring integrity, as opposed to acting like a small town bully of the Joh kind.

And then if the day hadn't already descended into hysteria, a kindly reader pointed out this story in the Adelaide 'Tiser, which apparently the pond needed to read:

Foolish?

Say what? The South Australian government is paying the Rolling Stones 450,000 smackeroos, the good folding stuff, the cash in the paw, so that they'll turn up and launch the new Adelaide Oval stadium?

Well that's what it says in It was foolish to pay the Rolling Stones to perform at Adelaide Oval ...

What was that Mick Jagger said about Jay Weatherill? Son, you only get one Jay Weatherill along in a lifetime and I've had mine ...

Or was that Kerry Packer talking about Alan Bond?

Apparently Weatherill said:

"You really get, on really conservative estimates, a $10 return for every dollar we put in..."

Now the pond is a great lover of multipliers, having misused and abused the notion in many reports, but Weatherill's not talking about a really conservative multiplier here, he's talking about a magic pudding.

Sheesh, what a grumpy looking pudding.

Really conservative estimates? Really? Apparently the stadium show has already sold out, and you can bet the tickets have been snapped up by dumb crow-eaters keen to shovel even more money down Mick Jagger's throat, and the number of tourists landing in Adelaide from other parts - the Stones are touring the country FFS - will be minimal, and in due course the multiplier lover in the government will have a bloody hard job scrubbing up the figures ...

And if that wasn't enough, then came this outrageous cock-up by the New Zealand subbies, who've been doing their level best lately to make the pond look like a chook yard:

No, no, no, New Zealand subbies, that splash should have read The courts are letting Ray Hadley down!

Please, keep up local stories that have a certain parochial interest, zest and zing, and read Ray Hadley defamed woman on radio show, court finds.

Repeat after the pond The courts are letting Ray Hadley down! Now that's one issue, person and event that didn't have 2GB's Ray Hadley talking ... Health of man allegedly bullied by Ray Hadley deteriorating, court hears.

Then wouldn't you know it - stand by for acid flashback - there was the pond last night, happily sitting and contemplating the business report on ABC 24, and musing how the last time the pond had driven a Holden was a HK with rust holes so large in the floor that the driver could see the tar rolling past, and how for the last few years, as Alan Joyce drove the airline into the ground, the only time that the pond has flown Qantas was when it had to, and certainly not by free choice, with so many better airlines bidding for business, and perhaps this said something about these two venerable institutions and their ongoing relevance, when knock the pond down with a chook feather and dip it in a jar of Vegemite, but without a moment's notice or grace, we were whisked holus bolus away to be confronted by a spectral figure blathering about Francis Xavier and other Jesuits evangelising China, and what a marvellous tradition that is ...

Coat desiccated coconut and chocolate on a lamington Gerard Henderson, what a bizarre way to start off a lecture about relationships with Asia.

You missed it? Why, you glutton for punishment, you can catch the audio here, but don't send the psychiatric bills for ennui, ennervating boredom and clinical depression to the pond.

And then Abbott moved on to "Weary" Dunlop, and thankfully someone noticed the schoolboy howler:

According to the transcript provided by his office, Mr Abbott opened his essay on Australian-Asian relations by saying: "It is an honour to deliver this Sir Edward 'Weary' Dunlop Asia Link Lecture. 'Weary', apparently was an ironic nickname. People called him 'Weary' because he never was." (Tony Abbott's 'Weary' mistake)

Carolyn Webb cites the Australian War Memorial site, here:

Commencing a pharmacy apprenticeship in 1924 at Benalla Dunlop moved to Melbourne in 1927 and attended the Pharmacy College. Excelling in his studies, he won a scholarship in 1930 to Ormond College, Melbourne University to study medicine. Here he acquired his nickname "Weary" (derived from Dunlop tyres) during the course of initiation ceremonies at the college.

But she could have just as easily done a Greg Hunt, here:

Dunlop graduated from the University of Melbourne in 1934 with first class honours in pharmacy and in medicine, and excelled as a sportsman at Melbourne University and Ormond College. The nickname "Weary" was a reference to his last name—"tired" like a Dunlop tyre.

But Webb didn't note the thing that struck the pond as profoundly weird:

Mark, thank you very much indeed. It's lovely to be here. It was a thrill to hear that Jesuitical reference to a man for others, and of course it was Frances Xavier I think who went east seeking to evangelise China and Japan, and it was Matteo Richi, another Jesuit, who did actually come quite close to evangelising back in the 1600s, so we're all in a marvellous tradition here this evening ...

We're all Jesuits on a marvellous traditional evangelising mission to convert China, Japan and Indonesia?

What could the pond do, but switch off at once and head to bed?

Oh and vote that the speech join all those other Abbott efforts reported in Tony Abbott's controversial speeches wiped ...

For the love of the long absent god, strike it from the record and wipe it from the intertubes as best as can be done.

It's one thing to note that Abbott has a weary speechwriter capable of many wearying mistakes, quite another to note that Abbott came up with a joke about converting Asia to the Jesuit cause all by himself, off the cuff ...

And now, here's the top stories at digital Fairfax this morning:

And the digital lizard Oz:

Notice anything missing?

Oh here it is:

Seems so long ago, doesn't it?

Anything to report, David Rowe, as we advise all to seek more Rowe here? Why thank you Cap'n, carry on Cap'n, and soon the whole world will know the real meaning of Jesuitical ...