TthelongabsentGIF ...

It didn't take long for Dr. No to revert to form.

Provide clarification and new rules for MPs' entitlements?

No.

Let the fuss continue ... I have sporting events to attend, and humble communities to honour with my grand presence.

Provide a sensitive, low key response to the ACT's gay marriage laws?

No.

Let the fuss continue ...

Was it only a few days ago that activists were still holding out hope and listening to the spinners, as in PM Shifting On Gay Marriage, Says Sister.

Yes he's shifting his arse to shaft it ...

Same as it ever was, but it left the pond pondering a cosmic question.

Could it be that a long absent but still vengeful god has sent Clive Palmer and PUP to persecute Abbott and drive the reptiles at the lizard Oz into a foaming frenzy, and will She go on making life hard for the luddite until his inevitable demise?

What else?

Well fortress Murdoch offers the splendid sight of Graham "Swiss bank account" Richardson sounding very solemn about entitlements:

Oh sure, having an acceptable basis for reasonable claims is perfectly in order, unless you happen to be Tony Abbott.

It's just the irony of Gra Gra saying it that titillates the pond ...

And the reptiles weren't done - there were other flourishes to admire:

Well played Randal Stewart. Ever thought of joining the Australian cricket team or the Wallabies? The pond hears there are openings for expert logicians ...

Yep, as a summary of the bleeding obvious for the digital splash of doom at the top of the page, that's a splendid effort, and a significant disincentive for reading any further.

It's a reminder - if you ever wanted one - of how the Friday lizard Oz always trots out a second eleven for its opinion pages. 

Oh sure there's Hedley Thomas getting agitated about Clive Palmer turning up on the ABC, and more specifically Lateline (here's Clive, said in your best Jack Nicholson imitation), and there's Peter van Onselen getting agitated about Clive Palmer keeping his deal with the indie Senator hidden, but the rag really does go into a TGIF dive ...

But it still remains reliable and profoundly predictable, its deeper tabloid instincts always ready to surface:

57 fires and 37-41 degree heat and it depends on the pond as to whether it's perfect?

The story itself is a perfect piece of fluff, with bikini-clad women for illustration, as you can see if you click on Sweltering or perfect? That depends on your point of view (outside the paywall), but the pond finds it admirable because it conforms to Murdochian editorial standards.

Ssssh, whatever you do, for the love of the long absent lord, don't mention climate change.

The silly old Fairfaxians tackled this issue head on in Sarah Perkins' Sydney heatwave: Is it hot enough for you?

One of the great oddities of recent times in Australia is that during our increasingly frequent and intense fire seasons – when we're losing houses and, unfortunately, lives – it is seen by many as rude or in poor taste to talk about climate change. 
It is quite a bizarre response considering an ever-growing body of research highlights that increases in heat waves, fire danger and extreme temperatures are intimately linked to global warming. 
More importantly, these three areas are considered to be the earliest, most responsive and well-defined impacts of climate change.

Oh dear, poor Sarah, it's like she's flashed her knickers in public.

Look, there she is doing it again in The Conversation, Climate change 'unprecedented' by 2050: study, and damned if she isn't turning up in good old Adelaide for a chinwag at Greenhouse 2013, and there she is blogging away here.

Please, please Sarah, please, whatever you do, don't mention climate change ... you know it gets the Murdochians agitated, and it sends the Bolter into a frothing, foaming frenzy.

Let's face it, yesterday was as close to perfect as it could get, if you sat inside an air-conditioned office, delusional and entirely removed from the real world ...

Here you go, it's bikini-clad nirvana, and surely it smells a lot like teen spirit:

The bottom part of the front page of the rag features a story announcing that the new Minister of Transport, Warren Truss, is opposed to Badgerys Creek, confirming the pond's expectation of a second Sydney airport as soon as 2080.

But let's focus on the bikini story.

A few petulant comments in the rag attempted to draw attention to climate. A naughty Patrick (and a few others) broke the golden rule and were terribly impolite:

What is the statute of limitations before u have to say climate change is real, hottest winter ever, hottest September, ipcc says it real. Maybe seawater flooding into ruperts office in Sydney.

U naughty goose, and what about the spelling?

As you'd expect in la la Murdoch land, the Terror's piece Sweet, cool relief last night after mercury topped out at 37.3 degrees in Sydney thoughtfully omitted any mention of climate change, or climate science.

You see, Sarah? That's how it's done in polite company.

Proving it's advanced in its thinking, inside the Terror abandoned bikinis for cute kids scoffing fluids and having fun in the surf.

Oh it was terribly polite and caring, and after that bout of Murdochian tabloidism,  the pond hungered for something a little more edgy.

What else to do but head off to the United States and a binge-drinking dose of Stewart and Colbert?

No, the pond doesn't pay the Murdochians at Foxtel or the Jobsians at iTunes for delivery. As mentioned long ago, courtesy of certain IT trickery, we have come to a separate arrangement with the Comedy Channel, though perhaps not entirely to the channel's satisfaction.

Never mind, the two joints were really humming and zinging with craziness. What with the crazy Republicans being really barking mad Mafia shakedown crazy ...

The pond had missed out on Bill O'Reilly in intimate conversation with god, but by golly Colbert made the most of his delusional outbursts ...

And Stewart did a great smackdown of Shephard Smith doing a tour of the 'revolutionary' Fox News deck, wherein Smith managed to mix frivolity and a flashy, astonishingly vulgar and useless fit-out, with talk of football tragedies mingling with off-hand chatter about real deaths and real massacres ...

It was a reminder that two comedians still provide the sharpest commentary on the woeful state of America.

But it was also a reminder of the codependency involved.

Stewart and Colbert need the crazies. Without the crazies their shows would be like any other chat show on the US circuit, with actors plugging their films about the assassination of Kennedy and such like ...

And that's when it came to the pond. We depend on the loons, and when it's a "slow loon day", like it is every TGIF day, the pond is inclined to get lost and to ramble.

We need the loons, there ought to be loons, send in the loons, we worry when they're not here or feeling tired or a little out of sorts ...

We need them happy and racing like mad dogs and Englishmen through the noon day heat, and never once mentioning climate change ...

Sure, it means we're all plunging into the heart of the sun, but at least we'll have a few laughs before we  burn to a crisp ...

Never mind, let the pond know if your loon alert has sounded recently and in the interim, here's evidence of the binge.

Remember, binge only on Stewart and Colbert. Binge drinking the reptiles at the lizard Oz or other Murdochians can lead to blindness, and certainly to madness ...