Sundry entitlement and media matters on a Friday ...

(Above: click to enlarge the open letter by Rob Mitchell MP to the AFP Commissioner Tony Negus)

A few diverse matters arising from sundry readings.

First could the pond humbly propose that the matter of Don Randall's expenses be added to the matters proposed by Rob Mitchell above?

This is not so much to "alleviate amibiguity", which seems to be the favourite phrase these past few weeks, as to provide clarity and certainty. (AFP called on to look into Tony Abbott, George Brandis wedding cost claims).

If only the rest of the world could just toss a bit of cash on the table, deliver a few mealy mouthed words, and there's nothing more to say about it, and certainly not the sort of punitive rates the ATO imposes on completely innocent and totally trivial matters (damn right the pond is bitter and twisted).

Naturally the Liberal party produced the MAD button and pressed it:

A spokesman for the Special Minister of State Michael Ronaldson dismissed the referral to the AFP as ''a political stunt''. 
''I trust Rob Mitchell has also written letters to the Federal Police asking they investigate Tony Burke, Julia Gillard, Anthony Albanese, Mark Dreyfus, Jacinta Collins, Senator Mark Bishop, Senator Don Farrell, Trish Crossin and Kirstin Livermore,'' he said.

Yes, bring it on, the pond doesn't much mind the colour of the stripe on the pig with the snout on trough, just the way the snout is firmly in the trough ...

The problem with the MAD solution of course, is that Tony Abbott is by far the most prized boar, and more than a tad vulnerable ...

And the more Abbott keeps fudging and obfuscating, the more people will carry on like a pork chop (see here for the meaning of that phrase, though the pond is torn between the ANU proposal that it refers to a synagogue when a mosque would do just as well).

The Randall matter arose from a tip, and there are plenty more people beavering away at the data, and it will drag on and on unless there's at least a token effort at clarifying the guidelines, and promising to do better ...

Hey ho, on we go, and Crikey delivered a couple of immensely tantalising stories.

First up came Cut and paste: The Oz admits to Age plagiarism. (behind the paywall but the header says it all).

Yes the second rate reptiles at lizard Oz have been stealing stories, giving them a minor re-write and then presenting the result as their own work.

The punchline for this Crikey piece, along with the proposal that the news would be an excellent feature for Cut and Paste, the Oz's home for vile abuse?

Earlier this year, The Australian’s editor-in-chief Chris Mitchell called The Age “the most one-dimensionally left-wing paper in our nation’s history” and blasted the Pacific Area Newspaper Publishers’ Association for naming it newspaper of the year.

Yes, let's huff and puff and blow down the house, and pick up a few stories while we can ...

It makes a truly amusing context for a lizard Oz story about the ABC onselling its content to third parties which insert advertising into the material, an "exclusive" given a thorough eggbeating by the reptiles, led by Sally Jackson with Anger over ads run beside ABC stories (behind the paywall so you don't have to share the faux sense of shock and outrage).

The ABC has of course been selling content for years to other outlets, into which advertising content is inserted - sometimes whole television programs! Lordy, lordy, why they even pick up shows that have been funded by commercial broadcasters ...

Next up in Crikey was a wondrous email allegedly written by Mike Carlton to the AFR's Joe Aston and recorded in Kim Williams v Fairfax, Joe Aston v Mike Carlton: it's getting ugly. (behind the paywall because your ears would get very red)

Carlton allegedly began with a warm up:

Your ‘story’ on Kim Williams would appear to be a perfect clusterfuck, wrong in every detail. And expensive, too. (Although, in your favour, you did spell his name correctly.) 
Can’t say I’m surprised. As I have said before, you can’t write. You are not funny. You are an unmitigated pissant, a polyp on the arse-end of journalism.

Good thing they're colleagues at Fairfax, or Carlton might really have let loose with a decent spray.

What's truly amazing, as Crikey notes, and the pond confirmed this morning, is that the Joe Aston story that caused Kim Williams to call for the lawyers is still available on line, and not just in cache.

Now the pond is too canny to link to an allegedly defamatory piece, but if you google the two names, you'll likely see that they're top of the Google hit parade.

Meanwhile, while on the matter of the media, Tim Bleagh and the Bolter are suitably outraged about the Walkley awards. The pair are shocked and horrified that Benjamin Law, Clementine Ford and Russell Skelton were on hand, and the Bolter dressed it up this way:

Spot what these people have in common.
(insert shocking tweets for maximum shock value here, and along with outrage, bonus titillation for tabloid readers who secretly enjoy this sort of stuff)
All were hosts lasts night of the Walkely Award announcement of finalists for the most prestigious prizes in Australian journalism. 
Tim Blair concludes: All you need to know about the Walkley awards... 
Or of Australian journalism. 

The trick?

Well it's to link via his tweets, Russell Skelton, a figure of loathing in the commentariat because he dares to fact check, with a tweet by Benjamin Law about Tony Abbott quietly masturbating in Canberra (surely he only needs privacy if he's noisily masturbating) and Clementine Ford proposing Abbott might suck a cheetah's dick - perhaps pointing out that fitness enables all sort of noble Bear Grylls' feats in the wild.

But what, in the end do these two fearless bloggers, who occasionally pretend to be journalists, reveal about the culture of News Corp?

Well a profound lack of humour for starters, and the usual rabid, bilious disposition ...

Truth to tell, if you were going to start locking comedians who dislike Tony Abbott out of the Walkleys you'd clear the room in no time at all.

It's confirmation yet again, if anyone wanted it, that right wing ideologues have absolutely no sense of humour - Blair in particular has a stunted adolescent schoolboy notion of fun, evocative of Dave picking the wings off flies, and calling Ford a frightbat just about suits his brand of misogyny. If frightbat is the go, what's wrong with a cheetah's dick?

At the same time, it's truly remarkable how humourless, the pompous and righteous Bolter is on every conceivable occasion.

As for understanding show business and comedians and the need for a bit of fun while handing out gongs ... not a clue ...

As for Sketon's tweets, they don't reference dicks or masturbation, they simply point out that Abbott has been an extremist, that he's not a statesman and has no style, and has on occasions been revealed to be a shameless opportunist.

Harmless understatement. Move along here, no fact checking required.

There are so many factual examples in support of these tweets - whether the dire budget emergency that turns out isn't a budget emergency at all, or insulting Malaysia and PNG, or the shameless opportunism of three long years of nattering negativity that, once again, the Bolter and the Bleagh are revealed as shameless hagiographers and knob polishers ...

As for the state of Australian journalism, why you can get a feeling for that in the Fairfaxians' Herald leads charge for Walkleys.

Yep, put that up against the pitiful reptiles at the lizard Oz tub thumping with Walkeys recognise our vision and words.

Slim pickings, lizards.

Better keep stealing those stories, reptiles ... (the full Walkley list of finalists here)

Finally in NSW, there being an early start to the bushfire season, it would usually fall to Miranda the Devine to propose that greenies be hung from the nearest lamp-post.

Perhaps because the Devine is now evolving - like a caterpillar - from shock journo to shock jock, that onerous duty has fallen to Piers "Akker Dakker" Akerman, and what can be said about Belief in common sense lies in ashes, except that it's worthy of the Devine ...

Akker Dakker, an expert bushman - he's out in the bush every second day of the week - as well as an expert in climate science.

Bizarrely, Akker Dakker, in his rant demanding more burn-offs, ends his piece thus:

The Australian bush is very site specific. Some trees and shrubs can take regular burning and will grow their seeds and thrown them into the ash of recent fires, others take years for the seeds to mature and set. 
Frequent burn-offs can wipe out mature vegetation if there is insufficient time to generate seed growth.

Strangely, he stops right there, as if he's reached the end of the manual.

Surely he should have continued: burn it all, wipe out that mature vegetation, cover it all in tar and cement ... and never mind jumping to conclusions and carrying on in a rabid way before the fires are out, the ashes cold, the causes explored, and the wounds healing ...

Give the man a Walkely for good taste ...

(Below: strange no mention by the Bolter or Blair of the outrageous, shocking Karla Grant)