Conspiracies and Queenslanders ...

(Above: a definitively New Zealand conspiracy).


It being Saturday, how about starting off with a whiff of a gigantic international conspiracy, and a dash of the barking mad?

Look no further than Menzies House - oh how Ming the merciless rolls in his grave as he demands the current Warden of the Cinque Port take action on the defamation of his name - and this opening flurry:

Resulting from an enormous volume of evidence gathered by a small army of those suspicious of the intent of the Club of Rome and the United Nations it becomes very clear that there was and currently is a plan to undertake the greatest act of socialist treason ever visited upon mankind. 
AGW hysteria was created as means of the UN achieving its intended goal and it was said, “in searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine and the like would fit the bill.'' They went on to say, ''It does not matter if this common enemy is a real one or one invented for the purpose.” (exclusively here)

Uh huh. Because the Club of Rome and the United Nations are as one, and AGW hysteria is a UN conspiracy - watch out, black helicopters at twelve o'clock high - and let's not bother about footnoting the source of the quotes, even though you can find them at the Club of Rome wiki here.

What's always interesting about this sort of blathering, foaming hysteria - the greatest act of socialist treason ever visited upon mankind routine - is the way it includes thoughts on the singular success of the UN in bringing law and order to Syria within weeks of war breaking out, so strong is the force in this singular body at imposing its internationalist conspiracy.

Or imagining the way that Putin and the Chinese would roll over and accept the UN as a world government ...

It reads like a Hollywood movie, except it was the North Koreans who flattened the White House. Or was that a band of mercenaries wanting a big payout and Armageddon? It's so hard to remember the plot details amongst all the explosions.

But when you read this sort of nonsense, you realise that Menzies House is a site that has now been captured by conspiracy freaks, and there's certainly not room for everyone under that bizarre roof.

You know you're in really deep, right in the thick of it, when you cop this sort of argument as exposing the hoax of climate science:

If two things vary in parallel, that is a positive correlation. But it does not prove that one causes the other. 
For example, wet roads always occur when it rains. But wet roads do not cause rain. (here)

Indeed. It reminded the pond of that Kudelka cartoon back at the start of the year:

It turns out Viv Forbes, who wrote that stunning opener, is from Queensland, and you can find out more about him here.

Speaking of Queensland, what to say about that peculiar deep north state that hasn't already been said?

Current events are a reminder of the good old days of Joh Bjelke Petersen. Joh's grasping paw could be found everywhere, even in the film industry in the revival days, and it reminded the pond of one of producer Tony Buckley's favourite tales of attempting to film The Irishman in Queensland.

The innocent southerner had a meeting with Premier Joh, who asked "what's in it for me", and hapless Buckley failed to understand that he needed to get out the brown paper bag, tickle the till, deliver a little cash in the paw, if he wanted to smooth the way for his production.

Which reminds the pond that cartoonist David Pope has said all that needs to be said:

Oh yes, a bat out of hell crossed with the ghost rider, and a dash of the end of Carrie. Get your David Pope fix here.

Lo, the resurrection is at hand:

You can read about the fuss here, and of course some natives have hit the keyboards, most notably Terry Sweetman in Attorney-General Jarrod Bleijie's legal crusades are eroding our civil rights, who wraps up his piece this way:

All those who suffered under arbitrary authority under Bjelke-Petersen at a time when some of our current politicians were in short pants are entitled to be fearful. 
And all those who fought (and sometimes paid a terrible price) for the truths revealed by the Fitzgerald inquiry are entitled to feel ashamed for Queensland.

Sorry Terry, the takeaway for your average bemused southerner is that Queensland is dangerous one day, deadly the next ... and now, thanks to Queenslanders, Clive Palmer and the brick with eyes and climate science denialism stalk the land and the senate ...

Oh it's going to be fun, and you can get more David Rowe here.

Let's face it, the only way to get through a Saturday is thanks to all the political cartoonists of Australia - where would we be without cartoonists - and Mike Carlton doing Gilbert and Sullivan here:

I am the very model of an immigration minister 
In charge of refugees and matters maritime and sinister. 
At school I studied hard at maths and lessons alphabetical, 
I learnt the scriptures backwards and the canon evangelical. 
I made my rise to greatness from political obscurity 
Conflating xenophobia with national security. 
Endlessly I preached the word to ordinary Australians 
Arousing fears their homes were being overrun by aliens. 
I blamed the Labor gang for this invasion of Muhammadans 
 Who wear the burqa, pray to Mecca, starve themselves at Ramadan. 
Fanatics who would have us all obeying their sharia laws 
They’d ban the Easter Bunny and abolish dear old Santa Claus.

If only it could be construed as satire, but really there should be a little exaggeration in any genuinely satirical piece, and this is an almost neo-realist work of truth ...

What else?

Well it would be remiss of the pond not to note the exemplary work of another richly satirical member of the commentariat, one Chris Kenny scribbling for the reptiles at the lizard Oz:

Amazingly Kenny's I have a dream, was outside the paywall at time of writing, meaning that the lizards were giving it away for free, making it a truly worthless and useless piece, all the more funny because Kenny seemed to be taking the task of writing a speech for Bill Shorten seriously.

Let's just look at this priceless and therefore value-less bit of silliness:

Before we can reset our climate policy we must - just once - carry out after an election a climate policy we took to it. That is why we will accede to the repeal of the carbon tax. 
We would prefer an emissions trading scheme and will develop a detailed policy around reinstating one when we have a domestic consensus and international action is irresistible.

Yes, we'll roll over and do exactly what Tony Abbott wants and that will teach him a lesson:

 Until then we will hound Tony Abbott to ensure his direct action plan is exposed as the expensive and ineffectual emissions reduction scheme it promises to be. If he fails to meet reduction targets, or spends any more than the $3 billion allocated, we will make him wear the political odium. 

Yes, and never mind the planet, because fucking Tony Abbott and fucking the planet are one and the same.

A market price is the most efficient tool to carry out the emissions task and it is Abbott who destroyed the consensus.

It's a classic briar patch routine, right up there with Br'er Rabbit and the tar baby, and whatever you think about  the political correctness of the original, the pond was left with a deep desire to throw Kenny in the nearest blackberry bush.

Never mind, let the reptiles at the lizard Oz and Chris Kenny take a vow, because they heaped political odium on a price on carbon and celebrated Abbott as he destroyed the consensus, and now bizarrely, they seem to think it was a bad thing ...

A pox on the lot of them, but the question now is whether Shorten will do a Kenny, and fold like a pack of cards, or do an Obama, and show a little spine to the crazies.

He's got nothing to lose from showing a little spine, but what's the bet that Chris Kenny and his fellow ratbags would then bite him on the bum?

Fortunately, if Tony Abbott confuses himself with myself is any guide, Shorten might be inclined to stand firm.

The overwhelming view within the ALP is that capitulating on carbon would shred the party's credibility with voters...
However, some Labor figures say the strategy of continued opposition to the carbon tax warrants a rethink because it has already "chewed through" several Labor leaders and present the party with a major problem in the lead-up to the next election. 
But while Mr Shorten is choosing his words carefully, leaving the small caveat that he is yet to see the final legislation, his comments on Friday suggest the ALP is not for blinking just yet.

The long absent lord knows who these Labor figures are, but they sound classically Labor party dumb.

There is a way forward, and it doesn't involve the satirical Kenny option. It's to be Dr No - no you can't abolish the carbon tax - until Dr Yes comes along, in "yes it must be replaced by an ETS and a price on carbon", which the Liberals and the Greens originally conspired together to prevent, and so deliver the market-based solution of Kenny's dreaming ...

Anything else would shred the party's credibility, and as the story notes, when the time comes for Clive and his slave concubines to control the Senate, the Labor party can spend their time pointing the finger at Abbott's shared climate madness with wacky, zany Queenslanders ...

Which brings us back to where we started, and the pond's fond hope that the satire keeps flowing.

In particular there's one story which seems to promise endless fun, as the monarchist meets his future monarch.

Story here, and oh yes please, make it so and make it leak. Let the new House of Cards be like the second series of the old House of Cards, aka To Play the King, in which an idealistic blathering monarch comes up against a devious, unscrupulous, ratbag conservative PM.

If only: