Oh to be in Melbourne in the winter and in the wind and the rain, and then to go to Ballarat in the freezing rain and the howling wind, and all the time listening to 3RRR in the middle of its fund raising and there's that Walker chappie in the skull cave playing music and failing to back announce! and so if you tuned in half way through the song, this is what he was playing, but no doubt if you live in Melbourne and wear black or follow the footie in a leftie, intellectual way you've donated already, because what else is there to do in the freezing rain and the howling pain ....
Phew, and now to a man who should be wearing the underpants outside the pants all the time, as a warning.
Yep, it's Paul Sheehan day, scribbling Gillard's pork pies hard to resist, and such is his privileged position as a well paid ponce - as if society benefits one whit or jot from his views, as opposed to being some kind of pontificating drone - that he feels ready to beguile you into his world view by explaining:
Personally, I blame the Celts, those devious deviants who are always ready to eat more than their share of the pie, lolling around doing idle bits of Celtic mischief, while hard working Anglo Saxons just expire from their hard work. You know, like tapping on keyboards, complaining about the Celts. It's back breaking, exhausting, tiring, crippling work, being a professional grump and carp, and what thanks does the hive give to its drones for their droning on?
None. And if we don't watch out, we'll end up just like Europe:
In Western Europe, the culture of expectations has become crippling. Australia has been saved from the same process by the Chinese economic revolution, flogging off natural resources, and high immigration, none of which are structural fixes. The danger point comes when the majority vote for big government as a matter of self-interest, not just principle.
As opposed to a vote for Tony Abbott's exorbitant big brother tax on big business middle class welfarism parental leave scheme.
You see, it's all the fault of the pie-eaters. And did we mention the Celts, in a climatic howling into the wind and the rain, as King Lear's eyes leave their sockets?
6. The pie-eaters. Finally, we get to the most structural and disturbing aspect of the election, the growing primacy of the pie-eaters. As the recent British election showed, when sections of a country become addicted to government spending (Scotland and Wales), the electorate will vote out of self-interest and vote for the party of big government. That is, vote Labor, no matter how bad the record.
The difference between Liberal and Labor is so glaring obvious that all but the most simple minded pie eater could spot the difference. Oh and the odd drone blissed out on honeycomb, gazing into the light, and muttering oh Tony, he's so beautiful ...
The good news is that the drone has given up.
Yep, it's a win win situation. If Labor wins, that's three years of pain and grumpiness for the drone. If Labor loses, then the drone in his droning way joins Malcolm Mackerras as one of those legendary inept psephologists and seers who couldn't pick his nose, let alone an election outcome.
The rest of Sheehan's piece is full of numbing scribbles which purport to be a kind of political analysis, when it's really just the usual dross of an anti-Celtic tosser.
Naturally it's all the fault of the Victorians:
4. Victorian provincialism. Tony Abbott is from Sydney. Gillard is from Melbourne. In Victoria, enough said. The Liberals will lose seats in Victoria, offsetting the anti-Labor mood in NSW.
Ah yes, of course I blame all those RRR subscribers, especially listeners to that Walker chappie in the skull cave, who kept on subscribing even thought he doesn't back announce! Thuggee of the radio.
Surprisingly, it's also all the fault of jolly Joe:
5. Joe Hockey. There is a limit to how much damage a party can sustain before regenerating. Losing three leaders in two years, then the retirements of Peter Costello and Senator Nick Minchin, who were the de facto leaders of the Liberals, cut into the muscle and bone of the party. If Costello and Minchin were still in place the Liberals' economic credibility would be robust and Labor's leadership stunt would be in serious trouble. Hockey's amiable appearance belies a hardened factional warrior who lacks the gravitas one expects of a federal treasurer. Andrew Robb, yes. Malcolm Turnbull, yes. Peter Costello, in spades. Hockey is lead in Abbott's saddlebags.
5. Joe Hockey. There is a limit to how much damage a party can sustain before regenerating. Losing three leaders in two years, then the retirements of Peter Costello and Senator Nick Minchin, who were the de facto leaders of the Liberals, cut into the muscle and bone of the party. If Costello and Minchin were still in place the Liberals' economic credibility would be robust and Labor's leadership stunt would be in serious trouble. Hockey's amiable appearance belies a hardened factional warrior who lacks the gravitas one expects of a federal treasurer. Andrew Robb, yes. Malcolm Turnbull, yes. Peter Costello, in spades. Hockey is lead in Abbott's saddlebags.
Indeed. Why mention that perhaps Abbott is lead in Abbott's saddlebags? Why ruin a good party by dumping on Abbott when jolly Joe can cop it all on the chin?
Already arguing about who to blame for the loss? Why he sounds like a bloody parochial Victorian on a rainy Saturday in August as its crunch time for the finals ...
And what about that broadband policy announced without a convincing business model, but rather as a tattered coat of many colours flung together like a a cheap assed Vinnie sourced Dolly Parton song, and but one of a number of big government policies and attempts to piss in pockets by the Liberal party that might not impress pie-eaters?
There are three other big points Sheehan makes in his droning - something to do with marginal pork barrels, and the Greens, and gender - yes, it's all the fault of women as well as pie eaters and parochial Victorians and jolly Joe - but I was pleased to read it all, because it gave me a sense of being home amongst grumpy parochial old men, rather than being lost amidst grumpy parochial Victorians in the grip of the run up to the run up to the finals fever run up to the grand final run up to the victory parade, which is of course just a run up to the off season trading which is a run up to the pre-season, and then ... continue until exhausted, and in a state of drone despair ...
Still, it's nice to read a commentariat commentator up there with the best, reminding us that there's only one poll that batters, or splatters, or matters. For this the Herald pays the grumpy old lad to abuse pie eaters and Victorians and think somehow he's making an honest pie-maker living?
As Hamlet might say, get thee to a bakery Sheehan, and make an honest living making pies, instead of quoting from yourself to fill up space, since dissembling about quoting yourself is just another way to add a few more words to the column, and so add a few more pounds a word to the indecent payment you already receive. Instead of following Dickens and using inflation to up yourself to a pound rather than a penny a word, why not just mince up your baloney and sell baloney pies, and so make an honest living?
Meanwhile, and happily I was ensconced in business class nibbling on salmon and scoffing on a flute of champers - yes that's the life of a pie eater, since Qantas - not the airline it once was - also offered an exotic pie for an evening meal - but the point of this idle boasting is simply to explain how I missed Mark Latham's attempt to show up Paul Sheehan for the drone he is.
By appearing in the hallowed halls of 60 Minutes, that hallowed institution of fine journalism and a fine example of all that the Nine network offers the community.
The former Labor leader Mark Latham used his guest reporting role with 60 Minutes to call on voters to follow his example and leave their ballot papers "totally blank" on Saturday.
Mr Latham, who said he would not support any party in the poll, criticised Labor and the Coalition for "dumbing down politics and turning it into a beauty contest". (here).
Mr Latham, who said he would not support any party in the poll, criticised Labor and the Coalition for "dumbing down politics and turning it into a beauty contest". (here).
At last, an explanation of why Latham lost. And I hear he didn't do so well in the charity queen contest either ....
If only he'd worn his underpants on the outside, we'd have known where he stood ...
Still it's nice to get totally blank advice from a total blank, who makes Zelig seem like an authentic historical figure ...
(Below: and since the Herald used a clunky image of a pork pie to illustrate Sheehan's dronery, we naturally like to follow suit at the pond, it's the only way to win at 500, but with the tang of historical authenticity).
Dorothy, I remember Paul Sheehan in his customary Palaeozoic attitude advising us, during the Howard dark ages, that Australians had never been in a more wealthy circumstance simply because, through the gifted economic management of Howard-Costello, our house prices had increased so much that almost every Australian was practically a millionaire. Oh, those were the days my friends – as Mary Hopkins once sang.
ReplyDeleteMy own thesis is that Sheehan, as a New South Welshmen, has in his southernly nouveau Welsh way become a victim of Celtic genes ... because of course once a thing is named, so it must be, in the way that a rose is a rose is a rose and a pear is a pear and a leek is a leek is a southerly new Sheehan ...
ReplyDeleteBut were there Welsh Celts ruining the planet in the Palaeozoic period? I think dating Sheehan, with or without carbon to this period is more credible, and so cede your point on the fossil.