Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Gloria Jeans, Hillsong, and the 43 bean virtuous circle of Christians doing business ...



(Above: that's not coffee, that's either instant American crap or an advertising campaign designed to produce nostalgia, and there's plenty more where that came from).

It almost goes without saying that here on the pond we'd rather drink a heady mix of ripened yak butter and the urine of cats than soil our lips with a coffee from Gloria Jeans.

Partly of course this is pure affectation and snobbery. After all there's not much point in being part of a chattering chardonnay swilling inner western elite if you can't show off simple pure snobbery with which to rile the masses.

Partly it's the genuine incontrovertible scientifically based research that established years ago that Americans don't have the first clue about coffee, and any coffee designed to suit the taste buds of Americans has the pure distilled precious bodily fluid essence of soapy water (using a cheap bulk home brand liquid detergent for the mix).

If anything is proof that domination of the world doesn't result in civilisation, drink a coffee made in the United States, then race quickly across to France or Italy and drink a comparative coffee. Despair then bliss. Caution: do not stop in England - this could be fatal, and also suggest to you why empires should fall.

And partly it has to be said, the fact that Gloria Jeans coffee is tangled up with Hillsong might have something to do with it. If you know nothing of Hillsong, continue on your blissful ignorant way. We won't contaminate the ignorance - no need to send possible disciples the way of either Hillsong or Scientology.

But if you have heard of clap happy Hillsong you'll know why I paused to get a genuine coffee, and then indulged in the sheer blissful pleasure of forty three and five sixths beans in every cup while reading Gloria Jeans owner is insolvent, court told.


Yes, before we knew that 42 beans was the real answer, and 666 beans a sign of trouble, the pure sip of nostalgia, because there's nothing like reading about principled, ethical Christians doing business.

And not just doling out the coffee, but also in the matter of Mercy Ministry:

In December, Mr Irvine and fellow Mercy Ministry directors admitted engaging in false, misleading and deceptive conduct following an Australian Competition and Consumer Commission investigation into the practices of the Hillsong-connected organisation. They were required to pay $1050 and apologise to each person affected by Mercy Ministries' conduct, all young women with mental health and drug and alcohol problems.

Say what?

Well there's no point in going into the details of the current affair, not when you can head off to Western Export Services Inc. v Jireh International Pty Limited (2010) NSWSC 622 for a little light reading in the matter of contracts and the law, as supervised by Justice J Hammerschlag in the NSW Supreme Court, or sundry newspaper reports on the matter.

I did like some of the snippets. Such as this comment by the learned Justice on a conversation:

231 Mr Saleh’s affidavit does refer to an undated alleged conversation (not communicated to WES) between him and Mr Irvine before the Letter Agreement was signed, to the following effect:
IRVINE: I still don’t see why we need to have this agreement and to execute it?
SALEH: Peter, this is not a binding agreement. It is the foundation of a working relationship going forward. I am comfortable with David and Stephen. We can review it afterwards and on an on-going basis.
232 I am not satisfied that this conversation occurred. What was allegedly said is inconsistent with the outward behaviour of both.

And this on the matter of a contract:

243 In my view the parties clearly acted on the basis that there was a contract (until Jireh denied it).

244 There can be little doubt that Jireh received and continues to receive the significant benefit of WES’ contribution and assistance during the formative years of the enterprise. The commercial unconscientiousness of Jireh’s denial of a contract is stark because it only came once the enterprise had become a significant commercial one.

What was that the long absent lord said about camels and needles and rich folk and heaven?

Better shave the percentage, treat a contract as a work in progress and live well while you can hey ...

Meanwhile, you can always amuse yourself by reading Gloria Jeans, Starbucks coffee concoctions packed with sugar, fat:

The two best-known coffee chains are selling drinks with more than 100 per cent of the recommended intake of sugar or saturated fat - and 800 times the kilojoules of a long black - but customers have no idea because both are failing in their policies for providing dietary information.

The revelations come as international research shows daily consumption of any of nearly 100 menu items sold by Gloria Jeans and Starbucks can lead to gaining almost 10kg a year.


Christianity connected with the obesity epidemic?

* A REGULAR-size Gloria Jeans Mocha Chiller Coco Loco packs 95.5g of sugar, which is 106 per cent of an adult's recommended daily intake. A large has 129g of sugar, or 143 per cent of the RDI;

* A LARGE Gloria Jeans iced chocolate with whipped cream has 3260kJ - the same as 815 long blacks. It would take more than three hours of bike-riding to use up this amount of energy.

You can see a virtuous circle at work here. Get troubled young women fat and so even more mentally disturbed about their body image, pack them off to Mercy Ministries for treatment with bible studies and exorcisms (Hillsong Church, Gloria Jeans linked to abuse claims), and then send them along to Hillsong for a clap happy singalong, provided they leave a generous tip on the plate.

Hey you, piker, we said generous!

Waiter, bring me that super size heady mix of ripe yak butter and urine of cats.

I feel a toast coming on as we celebrate yet another great business plan to improve life on earth ...

(Below: and now for an inconsequential series of images on the theme of coffee. Get wired the Christian way with an addictive stimulant more deadly and dangerous than speed).




11 comments:

  1. Don’t knock American coffee, Dorothy, drinking a cup of its strongest brew just before bedtime will guarantee the most peaceful sleep. It’s the chemistry experiment taste that’s hard to swallow.

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  2. I recall a US visitor to our shore many years ago who had the pretence of being an “epicurean” writer for one of her country’s foodie magazines. She was invited by a local newspaper’s good food section to sample our restaurants and give her critique. After munching her way through our best restaurants she scored the food as okie dokie. But her opinion on Australian coffee was that it was the worst she had ever tasted. With the knowledge that the pen is mightier than the sword - but the thought of using the latter had crossed my mind - I wrote a letter to the Sydney newspaper and basically said that I would accept the “connoisseur’s” opinion if I ever found a US restaurant in any continent outside North America that doesn’t have the word “hamburger” above the front door. I am still searching.

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  3. Re: American Coffee. Gloria Jeans is 100% Australian owned, and the beans are roasted in Sydney.

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  4. Gloria Jeans is 100% Australian? Really? 100% Australian like McDonalds, Coca Cola, Pepsi, Krispy Kreme,KFC, Starbucks, etc? You don't own franchises, you own businesses & rent the name. 100% Australian I think not.

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  5. The parent company that sells the GJC franchises and international master franchises (including USA), and owns the GJC name is 100% Australian owned.

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  6. "Troubled young women signed over months of their lives to Mercy Ministries, which offered them little or no medical or psychiatric care ... " UNLIKE THE MEMBERS OF ANNE HAMILTON-BYRNE'S CULT who had the best of psychiatric drugs and even the odd trip of LSD. I'm so shocked the Mercy Ministry girls only got prayer and Bible reading ...

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  7. Gloria Jeans is 100% Australian owned with 97% of all franchises within Australia being owned locally with 3 Australians overseeing all franchises in America and Asia. The coco loco you refer too has not been on the menu for over 18months because as a product it did not sell and scheduled to be pulled before all the publicity of its fat and sugar content which i don't dispute. It has since been replaced with a mudslide mocha which is an ice chocolate with shots. As far as mercy ministries in concerned financial funding was given by members of the Gloria jeans board and Gloria jeans stores did have donation tins but have also since been replaced with "with heart". that is where Gloria jeans involvement ends. Nike and child labor is a far more interesting scandal if thats what you are after. Gloria Jeans can't be that bad as it is the 2nd largest coffee franchise in the world with over 900 stores. They don't rely on the handful of people who don't like their coffee. they rely on the droves that enjoy it/don't mind it or aren't fussed. I applauded you're opinion and insight into all things Gloria Jeans. Wiki must has been a godsend for you. Me however i prefer to get my facts straight from the source. Being the owner of a store since '06 tends help with that. maybe you should check you facts and not rehash media hype. There are two sides to every story. you don't have to like the product. but 1.26 billion cups of coffee sold in '07 can't be a bad sign. although i do wonder what makes you such an expert of opinion?

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  8. What makes me an expert of opinion? Try drinking coffee in Europe, France, Italy ... then try drinking American-inspired mush.

    Dear absent lord, and now you're pitching a mudslide mocha with iced chocolate? It sounds like an abomination before the lord, but I guess I'll never now .. and sadly since you're an owner of a store, I guess we'll never meet.

    But if you want my opinion on Hill Song (stupidity), McDonalds (hideous), KFC (nauseating), I'm only too happy to deliver it. It's an opinion blog. D'oh ...

    And really, confusing quality with quantity - can I supersize you and deliver 1.26 billion cups of coffee - is tragic ... By that standard McDonalds is a stunningly successful example of haute cuisine ...

    You see in a free country offered an opinion and the god given American right of 'choice', I choose to have nothing to do with Gloria Jeans. Live with it, and sell the muck to the droves of mug punters you boast about, and who like it and know no better ...

    BTW, I hope you weren't the owner of the store whose workers kindly informed me of the managerial standards and practices therein ... talk about a post for another day ...

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  9. france and italy are europe... but i don't know why you guys are debating this so strongly every country or region has their own pros and cons when it comes to food and drink. american chocolate and beer is widely considered some of the worst. yet swiss and belgium chocolate some of the best australian and german beer is again consider incredible compared to what americans drink. but each to their own. just remember you are entitled to your own opinions not your own facts so be careful what y'all state.

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  10. Why do Americans always say their rights are "god given"... they aren't. They are given to you by the government and laws and they are just as easily taken away when they don't want to hear what you have to say. God has nothing to do with it.

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  11. I just came across this blog when googling coffee franchises etc. one huge thing you have got wrong here is that Gloria jeans coffee is not inspired american mush. actually being an expert you should know that "america coffee" is typically a long black with or with out cream or sugar. Australian coffee lends itself to the European specifically Italian style of coffee which is known as espresso. now i am not an expert but i did have the chance to spend 3 weeks at the espresso academy in Italy while on exchange. You say you have drunk coffee all over Europe. well there is a fair chance you probably drank some of the coffee i helped roast, blend and package. the bottom line for all of you is your information is outdated and little misguided especially where the drinks and their contents are concerned i know this because i called the gjc hotline and got all the info on their drinks. but each to their own. oh and a side note to the hill song Gloria jeans coffees relationship. In Italy the bulk of cafes give donation to the catholic church and there is even one chain i helped at with is run by the catholic church similar to how the salvation army run thrift shops, and it is designed to help the poor. however like all church/religious organisations you have to have money to help people. i dare say they are doing more good for the poor and unfortunate than anyone on here. p.s. if you are going to order up more cats urine and yak butter why on earth is anyone here paying attention to your views on the quality and taste of coffee.

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