(Above: planning a better futurist broadband digital future).
What better way to start the day than to join in the celebrations surrounding the "I'm as mad as hell and not going to take it anymore" flight attendant who found a novel way to depart the plane, beer in hand.
It ended badly, as these moments of glory tend to do, and if you haven't caught up with it, The New York Times has the story under the header Fed-Up Flight Attendant Makes Sliding Exit.
Sure the Herald and other local rags have the story, but thanks to a barely adequate speed on the intertubes, you can go directly to an American source (what an amazing world, and imagine what you might be able to do with faster connectivity...)
The pond is more cheerful just thinking about the whole damn thing ...
And then ... Yes, there is an 'and then' ... what more dismal way to start the day than contemplating the coalition's broadband proposal, which is as dog eared, moth eaten and backward looking as had been expected.
As usual, various pundits have been dragged out from the woodwork to explain that fast broadband is only suitable for the delivery of television - where does the ABC manage to find these luddites?
No doubt they stood around in the old days as Qantas began its regional services, saying sure aeroplanes might be good for delivering a few letters, but as for passengers, it'll never take off. No one will want to abandon the service and luxury to be found on air ships.
Next thing you know flight attendants run screaming from planes, a beer in hand, as the great unwashed take to the air ...
It's the form of these pundits to talk about killer apps. Where's the killer app, they blather, as if mentioning a killer app gives them immediate street cred with which to diss talk of the benefits of speed. You can imagine these drones in the hall of Apple asking Steve Jobs, yes, yes, it looks good, you're good at design, but where's the killer app? The iPad will never fly, it's only good for playing music and movies ...
If Jobs hadn't had liver problems, what's the bet he'd be grabbing a beer and exiting by the nearest chute?
Yep, the only thing more pathetic than Abbott's vision was the ABC's coverage, and their attempts to dig up a supporter of it, which somehow reminded me of the blackly comic grave scene in Death in Brunswick.
So what's been the reaction to Abbott's 'vision' thingie? Well even The Australian realises that it's a dud, running with Abbott battles to defend 'grab bag' broadband plan. Here's the key issues in a couple of Powerpoint slides:
Internet Industry Association chief executive Peter Coroneos said the opposition's plan fell "significantly short" of the NBN.
"The private sector has had all this time to deliver broadband and they've only made the decision to do that where it makes commercial sense," he said.
"Wireless is never going to be a substitute for fibre."
Except of course what Coroneos should have said is that it falls pathetically short, and that the current state of broadband in Australia is scandalous, with a heavy premium for access and onerous caps for usage, and woeful technological shortfalls and substitutes for the real thing, and all the result of the elephant Telstra seeking to keep rivals out of the zoo, while remaining wedded for way too long to its land line cash cows.
As for the delusionary notion that wireless is a viable alternative ... Whenever someone mentions this, I know (a) they know nothing and (b) they like to reveal their technical ignorance by blathering through their hat.
Meanwhile, even in the relatively backward United States, there's talk of the benefits of 100 Mbps in 100 million American homes within 10 years. Sure it's just a catchy vision thingie, a National Broadband Plan that's the child of the wretched FCC, but at least there's a hint of a vision ...
The plan presented by Abbott's team suggests Abbott is more at home splashing the cash on middle class welfarism, leading pundits such as Elizabeth Knight to scribble Abbott's alternative is no real alternative at all. If you can stand it, there's plenty more of it going around, as in Industry slams Coalition plans, but frankly I got too depressed reading the news to find more links. But how about 'I'm no Bill Gates': Abbott stumbles on broadband plan?
Scrub that. Here's what the header should have said: "I'm not even a shoelace in Steve Jobs' runners" ...
At a time when Australia is digging up and shipping offshore, as a one off delivery to China and such like places, its mineral wealth, you'd think politicians might want to box clever and devise ways we can make the most of a digital future. Not under Abbott.
What a dismal failure of imagination, a failure all the more dismal because there were ways to take what was good from Labor and promote alternative scenarios. If the man knew how to box clever. Instead of making noises like a cardboard box ...
The truth in all this is that the Liberals are still wedded to the notion that a behemoth Telstra, like an ageing government monopoly, is still the way to go, revealing themselves as a kind of prototypical bunch of agrarian socialists.
Yet over in the other corner, what have we got? Conroy labelling opponents of his useless filter as supports of child pornography, little better than pedophiles in action, and a Labor government which on its record is likely to botch the NBN roll out (having already started badly with jobs for the boys).
Well Conroy lost my vote a long time ago, and now Abbott can join the queue.
Okay, okay, I have a professional interest in decent broadband. But even self-interest can't explain away such a pathetic failure, and the kicking of such an own goal. It's enough to make a loon ponder grab a beer and head for the nearest window exit.
But wait, there's one further delight with which to greet the day. Gillard's $2b Sydney transport fix.
Yep, the Parramatta-Epping line is back on again, having been on and off for well over a decade. Is it any wonder that hardened Sydney-siders are cynical about politics.
Sure it's a good idea, but the western and north western suburbs have been delivered so many coathangers so many times they have a stiffer neck than a rugby league thuggee. Or Tony Abbott conjuring up his 'vision thingie'.
What next? A second airport for Sydney, since even Melbourne has a second airport, wretched and remote though it might be ... Ah Avalon, gateway to Melbourne and Geelong ...
Well we can but dream the invincible dream, but ain't it grand how Sydney infrastructure projects come out of the toy box at election time, and then stuffed back inside the box so that they can be pulled out again, still in their plastic wrapping, the next time an election comes around. All hail Bob Carr, the first master of doing nothing, while sounding terribly earnest and terribly busy doing it ...
Meanwhile, Channel Nine is lathering up its 'print the controversy' routine, in preparation for its Sunday night tic tic tic Latham report, as Oakes hits out in round two of Latham stoush:
Veteran Nine Network reporter Laurie Oakes has again come out swinging against Mark Latham, saying the former Labor leader has a bile duct "the size of Sydney Harbour".
Yes, but Laurie, while you're having a go at Latham, and carrying on like a pork chop, Nine's still going to run the story on Sunday. You're just another clown in the same circus, delivering the same amount of bile, and no doubt the hope is that the bile exchange will deliver a box office advertising bonanza come Sunday night.
If Nine cared, they'd can the damn thing. But they don't and they won't. So how does it feel spending your last years in the circus working alongside your colleague Mark Latham?
Lordy, gonna grab that beer and hit that chute hard ...
(Below: and since this is an equal opportunity site for boofheads, an image found here).
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