Wilson Tuckey, and give the mad uncle an iron bar again ...

(Above: the man with the golden arm bar. More Nicholson here).

By golly, chairman Rudd is responsible for a lot of mischief in the world.

There's Australia's very own Joe the Plumber, reincarnated as Chris the Electrician, sending A postcard to the PM from the real world, seeing as how Chairman Rudd doesn't live in the real world of a Liberal party scribbler, but is off with the pixies in a world of his own.

And then blow me down with a wet sponge if Wilson "Ironbar" Tuckey doesn't tag him with responsibility for the crash of a chartered aircraft in Africa, which happened to be carrying six Australians, two French, and American and a British citizen, most of whom worked for the WA based Sundance Resources Limited.

Tuckey links missing magnate with super profits tax plan, shrieks the header, as Wilson explains the miners wouldn't be lost in Africa if it weren't for Chairman Rudd and his evil super tax.

And that's why Tuckey re-affirms his permanent residency, sitting on a pedestal, squawking all day long, as an honoured loon on the pond:

The West Australian MP said it would be a "tragedy" if the mining executives were lost.

"Not in anyway trying to infer that there was any fault of the government or anyone else - where were they?" Mr Tuckey told reporters in Canberra today.

"They were in Africa. And why where they there? They were looking for iron ore - already."

Mr Tuckey said the focus of Australia's mining industry had now turned to Africa.

"We have a tragic example of where the mining industry is now focusing its attention.

"We have a stark and tragic example, apparently, telling us what's going on."

Africa was plagued by sovereign risk and "all sorts of practical problems", Mr Tuckey said.

"But on the strength of a 40 per cent increase in their tax liability it's starting to look good by comparison with Australia."

The AAP reporter apparently bothered to check with the actual mining company, a really distracting red herring, letting reality intervene - one almost might say a postcard from the real world - when it's the important business of Tuckey to spread furphies, red herrings, and silly disinformation of his own:

Sundance has stated the executives were there visiting its ongoing iron ore project in Cameroon and Congo and conducting high level meetings with various government representatives of both countries.

The company's operations in west Africa are focused solely on developing its Mbalam iron ore project spanning Cameroon, Equatorial Guinea and the Republic of Congo in West Africa.

Earlier this month the company said project resources were in place to support a mine at Nabeba in the Republic of Congo portion of Mbalam which is expected to start operations in 2012.

Sundance executives and their advisers were in the midst of targeting prospective steel mills and infrastructure providers to put up project finance to build and operate the mine when the company reported the aircraft missing on Sunday.

And they wonder why the right wing loons bring the occasional sense of unreality to the Liberal party.

Tuckey is of course an immutable law of righteous blathering stupidity unto himself - watch out for that iron bar - and has a series of hits and memories to his credit. Who can forget his sensitive approach to aboriginal reconciliation, as outlined in Tuckey told to apologise for Aboriginal remarks:

Mr Tuckey says acknowledging traditional owners of land at official functions is a farce and should not be done.

"I have never thanked anyone for the right to be on the soil that is Australian," he said.

He also says some performers of welcome-to-country ceremonies are "grossly overweight".

What can you do when the mad uncle comes down out of the attic and speaks his mind, except to say, as Peter Dutton did, that every mad uncle has the right to speak his mind, even if people disagree with his comments, and might even be a tad disturbed or discomforted by the spittle and the foaming.

Ah, the good old Ironbar. Everywhere you turn there's fun to be had:

In 1986 Tuckey taunted the then Labor Treasurer, Paul Keating, in Parliament about a former girlfriend called "Christine," leading Keating to call him "a piece of criminal garbage." In one notorious exchange, Tuckey told Keating: "You are an idiot, you are a hopeless nong", to which Keating replied: "Shut up! Sit down and shut up, you pig... Why do you not shut up, you clown?... This man has a criminal intellect... this clown continues to interject in perpetuity." (here in his very own wiki).

Yes, if doing the limbo were to be a national sport, Tuckey would be one of the leading exponents. He even makes Steve Fielding look like a novice. As long ago as 2003 Annabel Crabb was recycling the legend in Heckler from hell lives to torment another day.

And he's not going away anytime soon. Even though his little think piece for The Australian, Age is a proven asset, seems to have mysteriously disappeared from the rag's digital records, Tuckey spent an inordinate amount of time why young pups should stay in the kennel, and old wiser heads should saunter and frolic in the sun. We know it existed because we quoted from it:

In the Australian system it is time that the business leaders gave up the process of anonymous advice and purchase of influence through donations. Instead they should donate their active retirement years to public service as elected MPs and/or active members of our political parties, participating at least in the preselection of persons whose background brings experience and expertise to the management of our nation.

If healthy, they should then serve well into their 70s. (here).

Oh dear lord.

It turns out you can still find a reference to the column in the parliamentary info search of the Parliament of Australia, but copyright restrictions prevent the diligent possums from showing the general public the contents of the document. Quite mysterious, the thoughts of Wilson Tuckey lost in the ether, as if missing somewhere in Piers Akerman's dark continent.

Never mind. The only thing worth remembering from the piece was Tuckey's coat tailing the notion that an old codger has a lot to offer the world ... still.

In other words, what happens when you have a mad uncle in the attic? You can only carry him out in a coffin ...

But but, you say, it's cruel, unkind to call Wilson Tuckey a mad uncle. Sorry, it seems somehow you missed out on the fun of Joe Hockey calling him just that, as recorded in Wilson Tuckey vows to beat off challenger, which goes on to record this splendid outburst:

WILSON TUCKEY: I will retire when I get lazy. I will never be as old as Rupert Murdoch, who manages one of the biggest business empires in the world.

I will be as old one day as Winston Churchill when he became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom for the second time.

I will probably be as old as Ronald Reagan when he eventually retired at 77, I think; one of the most highly regarded presidents of Australia... of America.

I, myself... I've got a huge amount of experience. I deliver.

Oh dear lord, why are you absent? Why have you no concept of mercy? Can anybody explain why has she has abandoned us?

Who'd ever have thought we'd be saying this on the pond, but even if the Nationals challenger from Kalgoorlie - one Tony Crook - turned out to be a satanist dedicated to wicca, surely that should only make him even more attractive to the electorate than the current mad uncle in residence.

Yep, we're amazed we're saying it, and we deny we've said it, but Go Nationals ... just this once, and just in a certain time and place. Oh heck and go Barners, the cartoonists of Australia need you too ...

(Below: First Dog goes where few humans dare to go. But where will satirists and cartoonists without their favourite mad uncle? More First Dog here. Click on for larger image).