Tim Blair, Graham Readfearn, and the Bureau of Meteorology part of a global conspiracy ...

(Above: the fatally flawed graph, devised because the Australian Bureau of Meteorology is incapable of school maths and doesn't know how to google).

Fellow Australians, be alert and alarmed. There is a treasonous soul within News Corp and his name is Graham Readfearn. It seems he's a Queenslander or is somehow linked to the Courier Mail, which allows him to publish the green blog. Say no more! More than likely if he follows football to hide his greenie sissiness, he'd follow the toads. Emphatically say no more!

That's the kind of wild eyed whackiness that needs a man who knows how to deal with a man ... or a greenie recalcitrant. An Andrew Bolt or a Tim Blair.

Thank the lord, who's that over there, lance to hand, valiant steed underneath, ready to tilt at windmills? Why it's Tim Blair, and he eats greenies and lickspittle fellow travellers in the vast climate change conspiracy for breakfast.

You see, what's really at issue is that Readfern doesn't seem to have grasped that the Australian Bureau of Meteorology is part of a vast international conspiracy to cook the climate books, and Redfearn doesn't know how to confirm this simple fact in a few seconds.

Because he doesn't know how to google.

You see Readfern drank the kool aid, and reported the BofM's annual climate statement, showing 2009 was the second hottest year on record, capping the hottest decade on record. You can read his report here. Not only did he drink the kool aid, he had a second glass, and added ice blocks because he thought he was hot.

But he didn't report the truth of the matter, which is that the BofM doesn't know how to do schoolboy maths, and didn't take into account rainfall, and didn't admit to having thousands of pairs of dummy stations, and didn't mention all those hideous East Anglia emails ...

And worse still Redfearn doesn't know how to google.

And it took a shocked, appalled Tim Blair to point it out when the chappie failed to understand that the BofM has been totally politicised and compromised, and is now involved in a vast international conspiracy to cook the books.

You see, Readfearn made the fatal mistake of disputing a loon who provided him with as link to millions of sites and invited him to critique him. What a simple, elegant form of disputation:

Be sure to click on the links. In fact, google it, millions of links come up for your critique. If you disagree with my thinking on this, please provide me with reasons why this information is immune from the principles of scientific method. Or if you do not believe the information available, what is your reason for it being unsuitable for scientific consideration?

Millions of links come up for your critique? Well that sounds fair, and above all eminently scientific. And quite reasonable. Between a few respectable scientists and a horde of loons out there each scribbling on their own loon ponds, who wouldn't trust the loons? You know, like Tim Blair, highly credentialed statistician and scientist.

How did the gherkin Readfern reply, how did he rise to the challenge? Like a souffle that fails to rise:

Your statement is completely impossible to check, as you’ve provided no link, no context and no reference.

Which is the moment a righteous Tim Blair jumped into the breach:

“Your statement is completely impossible to check ...”

1. Locate a reasonably distinctive phrase within the quote. “Thousands of pairs of dummy stations” will do.

2. Search for that phrase in Google.

3. Immediately find several news pieces referring to Harris’s claim.

4. Wonder what else Graham might consider “completely impossible”.

You see, Readfern didn't know how to google, and yet the results of a vast international global cosmic conspiracy are there staring him in the face, if only he knew how to look. Because like you know everything on the intertubes is absolutely true and correct and real and valid, and all you have to do is google it. Takes seconds, literally seconds to get to the truth of any matter you can name. Why only this week I googled 'god' and we've already exchanged tweets. A lifetime of atheism put to the sword, and all in a few seconds. Turns out god is also known as Santa and lives in Springfield Illinois, just like the Simpsons.

And then even worse than the worst, the wretched Redfearn wouldn't admit he was wrong, that he'd been caught hopping by an astute data analyst.

You can see how he responded in Tim Blair the data analyst?

In my view, opinion writers such as Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt too often allow themselves to jump to conclusions without taking the time to understand context. Perhaps this is a deliberate tactic because, after all, like all commercial blogs, we are required to write to attract readers.

If the likes of Tim Blair want me to apologise for treating with a high degree of scepticism the assertions of blogs, anonymous commentators and non-experts, many of them with vested interests, then I’m guilty as charged.

Naturally Blair immediately pined Readfearn for this outrageous rant, especially as it's only a specious attempt to explain how Readfearn is completely incapable of running a simple Google search - "I guess". (Completely Impossible).

Well I wanted to google the truth so I googled up Tim Blair and "hottest decade" and a few other relevant phrases, and for the life of me I couldn't discover if Tim Blair believed that the Australian Bureau of Meteorology is part of a vast international conspiracy, cooking the books, whether through incompetence, active malice, or delusionary error.

Because that would be outrageous, or at least a matter of concern, and I'd expect Tim Blair to be leading a valiant charge to oust these conspirators from their jobs, instead of writing his standard column about weather events on an hourly basis.

Oops, I see at time of writing that the latest offering is about the snow storm in Britain - Decline on the Rampage - and the piquant news that East Anglia is at the heart of the storm, thereby once again proving Blair's Al Gore thesis (don't ask, and I won't tell).

Proving yet again that we all know the difference between climate and weather, except when it's convenient to brood about the weather and forget about data that doesn't fit with the theology about the climate. Because the data's been prepared by deviant priests using bogus dummy weather stations ...

Me? I'm still left wondering if Tim Blair truly believes the BofM called it right about it being the hottest decade, and the second hottest year. Or if he believes that the BofM is part of a giant conspiracy. And the figures are completely fake.

Second thoughts, either answer will allow me to wear the clown's cap at the kids' birthday party on the weekend.

But in the end, for me it's a personal triumph, a bit like being able to watch Avatar to the end.

I feel incredibly brave. Despite it being early in the new year, and the bastards already working me to death, I went into the darkest, dankest part of loon pond, spurred on by the shouting and the voices in caps, and learned that to win a scientific argument you only have to be able to google. Never mind the data - it's all fake - just google to the loons.

This is the sort of invaluable insight that should see me completing my Ph.D in fallacious arguments in no time.

Oh and an impending sense that Tim Blair must be going barking mad as he regales us with this Al Gore anecdote:

This past week, I was having lunch at a restaurant in midtown Manhattan when my colleague noticed Al and Tipper Gore dining across the room with another couple. It was a frigid day, with record-breaking temperatures keeping most people indoors, and we were the last two tables in the restaurant.

As the Gore party started walking out of the room, my colleague called out, “Hey, Al, how’s all that global warming working out for you?” Gore turned around and stared at us with a completely dumbfounded look on his face. He was speechless. With a smile, my colleague repeated the question, again to a hapless look of dismay.

Well Gore could have just been looking at the questioner in hapless dismay wondering who the fuck is that barking mad fuck face shouting a dumb fuck question question across a restaurant at me, and is he a stalker and does he have a gun, but I guess we shouldn't countenance alternate scenarios. Not when you can give the anti-Christ a good sticking.

What a funny old pond it is, and remind me not to visit Tim Blair's blog for at least a week. I forgot to take my medication, and I've still got the shakes ... laughter can do that to you ...