(Above: well you can't do a 100 top cheesy movie quotes and hope to catch more than 1% of moviedom bad lines, but I'm proud to say I've seen the majority of these movies. And it's not a bad way to start off 'loon pond goes silly' day. But maybe with the language in the clip, it's NSFW, especially if you work with a bunch of dickheads in one of those open space monstrosities where public servants are expected to produce free range eggs. Click through to get widescreen version).
Every so often the thought of commentariat columnists can get too depressing for even the most hardened inspector of loonacy.
I mean there's Miranda the Devine doing Climategate gives lord of the sceptics plenty of ammunition, but I'd just taken a look at Janet Albrechtsen on the climate, and I just couldn't do it.
It's Monckton time for maddies, never mind the conspiracy theories about the UN installing world government, and the same old nonsense is trotted out by rote by the Devine in a way that makes out Monckton was an astute adviser to Margaret Thatcher, and is now a man full of scientific expertise causing the public to gallop in his direction. Well there's ignorance and then there's the blathering stupidity of a woman determined to celebrate her status as resident SMH ignoramus supreme.
At that point, it's time for a little light relief. And so to Denver.
By far the best thing about the movie Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead is the title. And I used to think that the best thing about Denver was giving its name to the title of the movie (that and being a mile above sea level). But credit where credit is due, because Warren Zevon's original song - arwoooooh, werewolves of Denver - should take the gong.
Then I read the latest Harpers, no link, paywall blues, and it reminded me of a little known initiative that did the rounds in Denver last December.
Thanks to the efforts of one Jeff Peckham, some 10,274 Denver citizens signed an initiative placing the issue of aliens before the 350,000 registered voters of the Colorado State Capital (he only needed just under 4,000). You can read the thumbnail story in Is Denver ready for a close encounter? but there are plenty of other online sites that have already had a snigger. Like here, with link to YouTube video, and here.
The good news is that the vote's likely to happen this August, and then at last aliens will be able to find friendly faces on earth ... in Denver. And as it so happens, we can thank The Examiner for the full text, attached below.
America, democracy, Devine, Monckton, aliens, black helicopters, UN, loon pond. You've just got to love it.
“Shall the voters for the City and County of Denver adopt an Initiated Ordinance to require the creation of an extraterrestrial affairs commission to help ensure the health, safety, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors in relation to potential encounters or interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles, and fund such commission from grants, gifts and donations?” Yes___ No___
FULL TEXT OF PETITION
Be it enacted by the People of the City and County of Denver
The Code of the City and County of Denver is amended by the addition of a new division to read:
The Code of the City and County of Denver is amended by the addition of a new division to read:
DIVISION 12. EXTRATERRESTRIAL AFFAIRS COMMISSION
Sec. 2-255.59. Definitions. As used in this division:
1. Extraterrestrial intelligent being means a form of life assumed to exist or originate from outside the Earth or its atmosphere
2. Extraterrestrial vehicle means a non-living method of transportation originating from outside the Earth or its atmosphere
3. Exopolitics means the study of the key individuals, political or other institutions, and processes associated with extraterrestrial life.
Sec. 2-255.60. Legislative intent.
The People of the City and County of Denver hereby declare that:
1. The presence of extraterrestrial intelligent beings and extraterrestrial vehicles on Earth, and within Earth’s atmosphere, has been confirmed by credible evidence, official government documents, and whistleblowers formerly working for the U.S. Government and government contractors;
2. Evidence of extraterrestrial beings has been known by United States presidents since President Franklin Roosevelt, including President Ronald Reagan as disclosed in his presentation to the United Nations regarding extraterrestrial matters;
3. Since at least 1947, the United States government has denied knowledge of this evidence, thus placing the public and local governments at potential risk and disadvantage;
4. The United States government has suppressed, and withheld from the public, evidence of advanced clean energy, transportation and other technologies of extraterrestrial origin. These technologies could potentially offer substantial economic relief for our most pressing social and economic concerns, including a reduction of pollution and at least partial replacement of fossil fuels with affordable non-polluting energy sources, and other advanced technologies;
5. Local government officials have rejected or ignored the need to prepare city personnel and citizens for potential contact or interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles even though:
a. Multiple federal government agencies have acknowledged the presence of extraterrestrial intelligent beings, through hundreds of official documents, but have not informed our citizens about how to intelligently and responsibly respond to UFO/extraterrestrial encounters;
b. Hundreds of top military leaders, government scientists, government contractors, commercial airline pilots, air traffic controllers and NASA officials, many with Top Secret clearances, have been disclosing their personal experiences and involvement in interacting with UFOs not from Earth and, in some cases, their apparent extraterrestrial intelligent occupants;
c. A credible non-profit organization has received over ten thousand (10,000) written reports of UFO sightings, primarily in the U.S., during just the period Nov. 2005 - April 2008. The total number of reports nationally in 2008 was more than twice the number from the previous year. There have been more than 1,000 written reports of Colorado UFO sightings submitted to the same organization during the period of Jan. 2000 - April 2008;
d. Government denial, ridicule, and a lack of public awareness about this credible evidence prevent the responsible evaluation of potential risks and benefits for the safety, health, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors in relation to potential interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings;
6. At present our government does not have any protocols for:
a. Responsibly evaluating, documenting, and acting on citizen reports of encounters or interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings, regardless of the highly unusual and credible evidence that may attend such encounters and interactions; or
b. Referring such reports to properly trained city personnel, or private professional individuals or organizations that have responsibly dealt with such matters in a professional manner;
7. There is enough credible evidence available, independent of the United States government, to responsibly and adequately inform Denver residents and local government about extraterrestrial affairs; and
8. The creation of an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission will help to ensure the health, safety, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors and, ultimately, facilitate the most harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful, and beneficial coexistence possible between extraterrestrial intelligent beings and human beings.
The legislative intent of this division is to create a responsible, responsive, common sense strategy for dealing with issues related to the presence of extraterrestrial intelligent beings on Earth. To that end, the People of the City and County of Denver hereby establish an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, which shall have the following purposes:
1. To obtain and provide the most accurate, complete, credible, and relevant information available to city government personnel and residents about extraterrestrial intelligent beings on Earth;
2. To assist residents and visitors in reporting sightings of, or interactions with, extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles, and refer them to the proper and most appropriate public or private service agencies;
3. To inform people of the implications of encounters with extraterrestrial beings or their vehicles;
4. To develop protocols for peaceful and diplomatic contact with extraterrestrial beings in the event of contact;
5. To fund the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission entirely from grants, gifts and donations, without requiring any fiscal outlay from the city budget; and
6. To make expenditures from the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission fund.
Sec. 2-255.61. Commission created.
There is hereby created an extraterrestrial affairs commission. The commission shall consist of seven (7) regular volunteer members approved by the mayor who shall give preference to four (4) residents of Denver, Colorado who satisfy the selection criteria. Each approved member must be a knowledgeable expert in some area related to extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles. Members who are not Denver residents may participate from anywhere in the universe by any means available. The commission shall include:
One expert in witness testimony from people who have previously had top secret security clearance and had direct personal close encounters with extraterrestrial beings or their vehicles. Such expert must have written at least one book or three scholarly articles focusing on whistleblower testimonies and/or five years work experience with an organization specializing in whistleblower testimonies.
One expert with a Ph.D. in the "natural sciences" i.e. physics, astronomy, or biology, etc.
One expert with a Ph.D. in the "social sciences" i.e. sociology, political science, etc.
A medical doctor who is a published author with expertise on the on the UFO/Extraterrestrial topic
One expert with at least five years experience in investigations of UFO/Extraterrestrial encounters as evidenced in their authoring of at least one book or three articles in scholarly journals.
One expert with a certificate or diploma in Exopolitics or who works with a UFO/Exopolitical organization with non-profit 501(c)(3) status in the U.S. or its equivalent in other nations.
One expert who has consulted at least one hundred people regarding their alleged close encounters with extraterrestrial intelligent beings and has a Ph.D. in psychology or another suitable social science discipline.
Sec. 2-255.62. Powers and duties.
The powers and duties of the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission shall be as follows:
1. To establish an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission fund and to solicit and accept gifts, grants and donations;
2. To obtain and make available on the official City of Denver web site the objectives of the commission, and any progress or other reports;
3. To display in the most cost-effective manner on the City of Denver web site, and otherwise, the most credible evidence and witness testimony regarding the existence and activities of extraterrestrial intelligent beings on earth;
4. To evaluate potential risks and benefits for the safety, health, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors in relation to potential encounters and interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings;
5. To establish simple and reliable procedures for residents to report to local government authorities any sightings of, or contact with, extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles;
6. To refer residents and visitors to properly trained city personnel or private professionals, as necessary, to address valid concerns resulting from sightings of, or contacts with, extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles;
7. To expend all monies related to the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission fund to achieve the purposes of the commission;
8. To report quarterly by the 15th of February, May, August and November to the mayor and city council on progress in achieving the stated purposes of the commission; and
9. To seek public input regarding present and future Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission activities and citywide needs, including at least two open public hearings per year.
Sec. 2-255. 63. Procedures.
The commission is authorized to adopt bylaws and internal guidelines governing its operations and to promulgate rules and regulations as necessary to achieve the purposes of this division.
Sec. 2-255. 64. Staffing and administrative support.
Staffing and other administrative support for the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission shall be determined by the commission, as necessary to achieve the purposes of the commission.
Sec. 2-255.65. Relation to city departments and agencies.
Departments, offices, and agencies of the City and County of Denver that are responsible for administering the systems and related services shall cooperate with the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to support the purpose of this division.
Sec. 2-255.66. Implementation and Enforcement.
By the effective date, as set forth below, the City and County of Denver shall adopt all measures necessary for the proper and effective implementation and enforcement of the provisions of this article.
Sec. 2-255.67. Effective date.
This article shall be effective thirty (30) days from and after the date of its enactment.
Sec. 2-255.68. Severability.
Should any provision or provisions of this article be determined to be illegal or unenforceable, all other provisions of this division shall nevertheless remain effective.
Oh yes, what a great initiative. Roll on August, I can hardly wait.
Meantime, why not use the impeccable drafting to set up a local chapter of the Lamington Lovers' Association of Australia? Or perhaps Miranda the Devine could use it as a basis for the Antipodean Monckton Lovers' Reception Committee for weird Lords.
Why don't we have that sort of petition in Australia? No imagination, that's why. And now to the lyrics of that Warren Zevon song:
I said, Buddy, I'm afraid to be alone
'Cause I got some weird ideas in my head
About things to do in Denver when you're dead
I was working on a steak the other day
And I saw Waddy in the Rattlesnake Cafe
Dressed in black, tossing back a shot of rye
Finding things to do in Denver when you die
You won't need a cab to find a priest
Maybe you should find a place to stay
Some place where they never change the sheets
And you just roll around Denver all day
LeRoy says there's something you should know
Not everybody has a place to go
And home is just a place to hang your head
And dream of things to do in Denver when you're dead
You won't need a cab to find a priest
Maybe you should find a place to stay
Some place where they never change the sheets
And you just roll around Denver all day
You just roll around Denver all day
By the way, never developed a taste for Warren Zevon? Try My Shit's Fucked Up, live, here, and then follow the YouTube links to some of his other songs. One of the distinctive voices of the eighties, sadly dead before his time as artist was fully realised, because his shit fucked up.
Oops, after that sombre note, time for another MF'ing kit kat break:
(Below: as loon pond takes a break from commentariat columnists, and definitely not safe for work, especially if they're a bunch of dumb ass MF'ers, but still a really tidy compile of quotes from a great show, even if they miss dozens of my own favourite moments).
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