Gerard Henderson, prince willy, noble John Howard and leftie monarchists the real scourge ...

(Above: more Nicholson here).

You know, for the year 2K10 - well it sounds better than "the building decade" - I've been tempted to run a different book on Gerard Henderson's columns.

After all the number of times John Howard turns up is monotonously dull - a bit like counting the times sinners get up to sinning in the bible. How many lives have you got?

But a gamble on the number of times the left wing leaning inclinations of the ABC turns up as a kind of treacherous perfidious world view that threatens ordinary Australians could be a little edgier - it might only turn up every second column. And the notion that Australian journalists are just a bunch of lefties (wankers too) can never be re-stated or emphasised enough, but sometimes might go a week without being mentioned. Indeed, there's a good case that lefties are responsible for everything that ruins the country, including the ongoing residency by the British monarchy as Australia's head of state.

If you'd been having a long odds bet on these matters in Man who would be king, but not governor-general ... yet, you'd have taken a hosing, lost your shirt, dropped your trousers, and done your dough. Unless you'd tipped how the lefties ruin everything.

If you'd been betting on John Howard's appearance in the column, you'd have scored with two appearances, the first in the tenth par ... and a whitewash.

Because when it's time to talk about the British monarchy, it's time to be a little subdued about John Howard's legacy. But with bonus plenty of time to blame the lefties for the current state of affairs. And what better time to reflect on all this than with Prince Willy coming to town, and the monarchists all atwitter.

It must be onerous for Henderson - "only a rank-and-file republican" - to reconcile his worship of the John Howard legacy with Howard's devious thwarting of the republican movement during his time in power. But it can be done.

If you can be bothered, you can see it play out in detail in Henderson's herculean effort in a 2007 National Republican Lecture, in which Bob Ellis plays the stooge so that Howard can escape censure.

Never mind, for a rank and file republican, you might almost suspect Henderson of being a closet monarchist.

He broods about the reasons we should get excited about Prince Willy's trip, first up being that Prince Harry did front line service in Afghanistan - never mind that the carrot top is a no show.

Oh and Prince Willy received his RAF wings and is training to become an RAF search and rescue pilot, and Australia and Britain are long-time allies, and Willy is the grandson of Australia's head of state Elizabeth 11. Sheesh, state the bleeding obvious, pip pip and all that. Clearly, Willy deserves to be an honoured guest in the mind of any decently prattling Polonius.

Next Henderson leads with the way Australians have done a collective fawn on the monarchy since the founding days of the colonies, not least the Warden of the Cinque Ports, but rather than slag off tragic groupies like David Flint, he prefers to knock over other tragics:

It comes as no surprise that the likes of Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton are reportedly among a group of Australian high achievers who have accepted invitations to meet William in Sydney.

Meow. At last Polonius can claim a hit, a palpable hit, and then he scores another one:

In Britain it is not unusual for fashionable left-of-centre types to be on friendly terms with the royals. Last June Beatrix Campbell, the Marxist who is a commentator on British politics for Radio National's Late Night Live , told Phillip Adams she "wanted to cry" on hearing she had been awarded an OBE in the Queen's birthday honours list. How moving.

Ah yes, who can forget Campbell's absurd, vaguely obscene explanation as to Why I accepted my OBE?

My politics comes from Marxism and feminism; it's republican, it's gay and it's green. It isn't about "good works", but its works are all towards the good of society. And that can't be realised without the most radical transformations. It belongs to networks whose mission is to create ways to empower the most marginalised and to call power to account ...

If there's a crisis about getting gonged, it is because the archaism of our constitution hails values that are inimical to the values being celebrated by the gong.

By clinging to symbols and rituals that belong to a cruel imperial order the government compromises the gonged.

You ask yourself the question: how can I accept anything from this horrible imperial regime?

And yet, getting gonged confers recognition of "citizens" contributions' to a good society – in my case equality – and the gesture affirms our necessity; the radicals – not the royalists – are the best of the British.

No wonder the first comment off the block came from a certain Pimlicom:

Dear God......good thing I haven't eaten in the last hour or two.

But back to Henderson. In his ongoing bid to blame everyone except John Howard for Australia continuing into the twenty first century as a forelock tugging monarchy, he drags out all kinds of reptiles from the woodheap. First there's the constitutional question - it's so tricky - and then there's the deep division about indirection election versus direct vote, and then there's surprising backing for the monarchy. Not just from the likes of David Flint and David Smith, but Irish-Australian leftie and nationalist Phil Cleary; not just from Kerry Jones, or Tony Abbott or Dame Leonie Kramer, but ...

... the luvvies' (then) hero, Justice Michael Kirby. When it comes to the royals and all that, Kirby is every bit as much a monarchist as John Howard.

Why you'd almost suspect that John Howard had nothing to do with it, trapped as he was by the flinty stare of the luvvy Michael Kirby, forced to do that which he must do to keep the Queen (or future King) of England Queen and future King of Australia.

Worse still, the constitutional monarchists were good campaigners, tying John Howard up in knots, and not above lying, or at least devising constitutional monstrosities and stupidities:

The British contemporary historian Vernon Bogdanor, in his 1995 book The Monarchy and the Constitution, demonstrated that the Queen, not the Governor-General, is the head of state of nations such as Australia. The Buckingham Palace website made a similar claim. It was withdrawn after a campaign by Australian monarchists, who maintain the myth that the Governor-General, who represents the Queen in Australia, is Australia's head of state. Now that the heat of the debate has simmered, the palace has restored the initial - and correct - claim on its website.

Yep indeedy, you can find The Governor-General is our Head of State, along with much other blather there at the ACM site, but perhaps the best reading you will find there is David Flint's paean of praise to John Howard: John Howard's great contribution to the defence of our constitutional system.

Ssh, not a word about the man who should be remembered as the man who broke the nation's heart. Malcolm who?

Never mind. As a republican Henderson takes a firm and principled stand. Prince Willy will never become Australian Governor-General:

Any significant move to have an Australian head of state while the Queen lives is unlikely. Nor is it remotely likely that any Australian government, Labor or Coalition, would invite William or Harry to become governor-general. Even Howard understood this would be unacceptable. He followed Bob Hawke, who rejected Charles's wish to become Australia's governor-general.

And as for Henderson's staunch rank and file republican dream?

It's possible William could become Australia's head of state sometime in the future. By then the handsome young prince may be a not-so-attractive 70-something king.

By golly, that's fierce prattling Polonius activism for you. A twenty eight year old might end up Australia's king as a 70 something! No republic for another forty two years! And Henderson had the cheek to send up Bob Ellis and his optimistic punting on future directions.

Now where was I? Oh that's right, must get out the bunting and the flags and the streamers and the confetti and the rice. Prince Willy is coming to town. Eek, and he's visiting Redfern, just around the corner (Redfern waits for Prince William's tour). Yep, it seems like Australia Day as sorry day and invasion day is done and dusted:

Britain's Prince William has "his mother's heart" and his visit this week to Sydney's most infamous Aboriginal neighbourhood could open up new ties with indigenous people, community leaders said.

The young prince will tour "The Block" - a collection of near-derelict terrace houses in Sydney's inner-city Redfern with a common language of drugs, disadvantage and crime - as part of his tour to Australia and New Zealand.

"Aboriginal people in Redfern meeting royalty... it's a blessing," elder Michael Mundine told AFP ahead of Tuesday's visit...

Wow, it's a blessing, I guess in much the same way it was a blessing when the King's representatives stepped ashore in 1788:

...Welsh, among those who will meet the prince on Tuesday, said he was overwhelmed by the prospect of meeting a royal, despite the past conflicts between indigenous Australians and their former colonial rulers.

"He's definitely one of the stand-out royals, him and Harry. And I was very impressed for him to offer to come to Redfern," he said.

Welsh said while some differences would remain, "we've got to move forward."

"We can't judge William on what his grandparents have done and so on. And he seems like the prince that is ready to come out and listen to the community, listen to the people," he said.

"He's already lined up for Disneyland with his mother as a child. He's gone down and slept out at night on freezing cold nights."

Lined up for Disneyland. Slept out for a night?

Golly, now for the scribble on that sign I'll carry with me to Redfern? Should it read "I heart you Willy" or "I heart your Willy" or "Marry me Willy"? But if he's swept away, true love at first sight, does that mean I have to line up for Disneyland and sleep out on freezing cold nights?

Oh it's tough being a royal, but even tougher being a republican in the antipodes, where being a royalty slut is always fashionable ...

(Below: since all is forgiven, thought I'd slip this in a week before official celebrations of Australia's ongoing subservience to the British throne get under way. "The Founding of Australia. By Capt. Arthur Phillip R.N. Sydney Cove, Jan. 26th 1788" Original oil sketch 1937 by Algernon Talmage R.A. 1937. Click to enlarge).

And go Satanists!