Wednesday, October 21, 2015

In which the reptiles discover heroes with feet of clay, and Dame Slap amazingly slaps down sloppy Joe ... so she can elevate Lord Downer ... and other tales from Ripley's Believe It or Not ...

Ah memories ... but hope still lurks in the reptile breast ...

But as some tend the flame of hope, how goes it with the reptiles? And what of the heroes once feted far and wide around this wide brown land?

Remember the good old days? So many examples, so little time, these days framed between a man in a frock and a man doing a bogan, and nothing wrong with that, because after all, even the Pellists love a good frock:

What now? These days it seems a very short jump from the Bolter scribbling furiously How Kathy Jackson was smeared (June 2014) to little Timmie Bleagh mocking and laughing and smearing the man for claiming $400k in sick leave "when he's actually working for his weirdo missus with the stupid Melanie Safka hair" ...

How quickly the reptiles can turn on a dime, and so it's  best to forget those days, featuring Tony, Erica, the poodle, and a host of conservative media commentators, not just the Bolter and the Devine, and wipe the slate clean, and pretend the noble Murdochians were at the head of a baying pack of media hounds:

Well you have to admire the reptiles. They did all the work, and then along comes the ABC and steals their thunder, and trust the Fairfaxians to be frivolous and make jokes about naughty words - though where that leaves little mocking Timmie Bleagh is a complete mystery, and how remarkable not to mention Abbott, Abetz, the poodle, or the whole media pack that got it wrong for so long ... including, it has to be said with a sob, the noble Murdochians.

All this is traced elsewhere, with much more attention to detail than the pond could ever muster, in How did the Australian media get it so wrong with Kathy Jackson?

Never mind, because there are other fish to fry this busy Wednesday, and what better sight than Dame Slap giving jolly Joe a little roasting?

Well indeed, indeed, and the pond was in a tear-stained mood this sombre, shattering morning, as the noble warrior bravely took his six cuts and headed off to greater troughs, his proud snout still intact, but let's cut to the chase, because in the process of giving sloppy Joe a good pummelling, Dame Slap inadvertently celebrates Lord Downer, and thereby produced gales of laughter in the pond ...

Oh indeed, indeed ...

But please, Dame Slap do go on ...

Uh huh. Isn't it wonderful to see the reptiles on the turn? And suddenly all the heroes of the past few years are being dismissed as sloppy, lazy, low-flying Joes ...

If Hockey becomes ambassador to the US, perhaps readers are entitled to wonder where the reptiles were these past few years ...

And if Lord Downer is a role model for Dame Slap, what on earth is the meaning of life?

But at least it gives the pond a chance to run a few cartoons from the good old days, back when Bleak was an actual cartoonist, as opposed to a kool-aid swilling tragic figure ... and with a few Moirs for good measure ...


  1. "Stupid Melanie Safka hair?"

    Now that's how to attract the younger readers - throw off meaningless insults referencing a singer barely heard of in over 40 years. Where'd you lift that one from, Timmy - an old P J O'Rourke collection? I sentence you to listen to "Brand New Key" until your ears bleed.

  2. DP, you must be all out of "Wow!"s by now. Absolutely vacant.

    We start the week with Little Timmie Bleagh's scribbles masquerading as journalism being hit back out of the park as an irrelevance by actual poll figures.

    Your man in Caterhood is adjudged "a fool" via a very widely watched programme on the telly, and is then published the next day in the very rarely read The Australian as if judgements count for nought.

    What could Wednesday offer?

    And yet there you are again - "Wow!" - someone takes Downer seriously somewhere - lordy, it's someone in the rarely read The Australian!. Begorrah eh?

    And "Boom!", the bullying conservative that makes Abbott look like a dime store pissant is tossed out in a landslide over in Canada. The Bromancer is Breathless. Eight Sixed, skedaddled, rocking back on his heels - nothing, but nothing is going to Bromancer plan. Humpph!


    At least as the world turns, we can happy here from Tamworth to Tassie that the world's most competent journalists and publishers are holding the torch in the darkness.

    (please sign here for the PREMIUM version of The Australian experience - you know you want to)

  3. Ahh, to be interviewed for a job by Dame Slap: "and how many surpluses did YOU deliver, sir?"

  4. Beware the labelling of Devine as a fuckwit or an idiot. When it comes to the Craig Thomson affair, she is nothing of the kind. She s a conniving, scheming witch. Her aim was to get rid of Thomson so her secret man-love could become PM. Pyne was the organiser, Jackson was the mechanism.

    Unfortunately for our Tones and Devine, it failed. Jackson became surplus to requirements. Look at her now.

  5. I dipped the old toe into that Dame Slap commercial at various points and had to do a second take to see if I wasn't just re-reading the same by gor! certainly sounded like it. And this is the "talented ones" of the masthead?...they unfortunately read like incontinent dribble from the dickhead!


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