Sunday, December 22, 2013

And so this is Xmas, another year over ...

It's that time of year when the pond travels, like a loon, to Melbourne, and walks amongst Victorians, not knowing if they're aliens, Thetans, zombies, or the living dead. 

It's a perilous journey and all that provides a sense of safety is the garlic water we carry at all times.

Yes, for the moment, it's time to give the game away, though wonders never cease, and loonishness will continue rampant.

Last night for example the pond witnessed an ABC news service on the main channel at 7 pm which was astonishing, and vastly comic. 

Cues were routinely off, stories misplaced (yes that story about the cricket wasn't a story about the Sudan or Clive Palmer or even the ghost who walks), inserts weren't trimmed, there was dead air, dead vision, a hopeless mash-up that even an eleventh eleven on a concrete wicket would consider an epic failure (the pond is studying cricket in detail. It remains a bizarre, mysterious and inexplicable ritual, but some things are sticking, like a sticky wicket, so that cricketing metaphors can continue in the new year). 

This was the national broadcaster in prime time, and what a sorry sight it was, yet the pond wouldn't exchange Aunty with all its foibles and flops for a lifetime subscription to Foxtel and every Murdoch rag in the land...

The hapless presenter had the decency to look embarrassed, but it wasn't her fault, it was the fact that they'd put a set of loons in charge of the computers that was the real problem ...

It was beyond satire, beyond irony, and the pond now profoundly regrets not running the PVR over it. We could have taken it down and given it a play whenever gloom or depression threatened.

So the loonishness will go on, but without the pond, lost in the wilds of Victoria.

All that's left is to round up a few resident loons to wish loonish readers with a love of loonery a merry Xmas, a happy Xmas, joyous holydays, or just plain common or garden happy holidays. Whatever lights your crazy religious wick or floats your secular boat ...

And if you happen to be working this Xmas, well done. Somebody has to take care of the country, what with Tony Abbott in France and the Bolter bludging in Tasmania scoffing down ponce pistachio rose water meringues ...

Pistachio fucking rose water meringues! 

Remember that the next time he has a go at the sandal or the cardigan wearers, or the hippies or the luvvies or the greenies or the ponces or the inner urban elites, or pretends to be a man of the people, rather than an opera loving Grange drinker, or spews out all the rest of the Murdochian cant and bullshit about how he's at one with your average Joe or Josephine Blow. Like the rest of the reptiles bunkered down in Sydney and Melbourne ...

With a bit of luck, the pond will return in the New Year, providing Victorian roads don't do the dirty on us - there's short odds on that one - and in the interim remember to have a drink on the pond, but always drink in moderation, unless you really want to get pissed as a parrot and forget for a moment that you live in Chairman Rupert's and the Bolter's and Tony Abbott's Australia.

As for the New Year, it doesn't - of course - fall when foolish gweilo think it does, so let's all go shopping in the right sort of supermarket in the new year. 

Well it has to be better than reading the crony commentariat for fun, but someone has to do it, and so next year we look forward to reading the tea leaves, checking the entrails, casting the runes and coming to understand the intricacies of hagiography as a highly developed form of art ...

Because next year will be a time for more laughs and games:


  1. Best wishes to you, DP, for Christmas and I look forward to the laughs and games in 2014

  2. Thank you to the Pond for the laughs. Here, we've cancelled the new year for operational reasons and we will just continue the year in a cloud of dust, as though nothing has changed from 2013 - the ALP is apparently still in government, because it is to blame for everything. We may surface in another year, but certainly hope that the Pond reaches 2014.

  3. Thank you Dorothy for a great year of summation and critiquing murdochracy and our own brand of lunacy from political writers and politicians that have ruined or will attempt to ruin the societal structure of our country and see it transformed to represent the DLP dream.

  4. Dear Dorothy,

    I would like to add my heartfelt thanks to you as well. When bad things happen I always find solace in your blog and it helps ease the pain while waiting for the political wheel to turn once again.

    I hope you have a good time in Victoria with your rellies. It could be worse - they might have all settled in the eastern suburbs of Adelaide.

    Cheers champ,
    Jim (Adelaide westie born and bred)

  5. Dear Dorothy
    Thank you for reading all that Murdoch tosh, I am subject to serious reflux and your managerial precis saves me from considerable daily pain

    But a word of warning. It is not Victorian roads of which you should be wary. Red traffic lights are clearly aspirational here in Melbourne.

  6. Happy Holidays, Dorothy!

  7. Thank you for your entertaining writing, DP. Enjoy your time down in the more civilized part of the country. Please don't stop writing, it is valued by many. All the best.

  8. Dear Dorothy, wishing you a wonderful holiday break in Melbourne as well as a happy and healthy 2014.
    May a stray bottle of Grange will come your way, because if anyone deserves such luck, it's you.
    Your blogging is far beyond the call of us humble elites.Your great analysis,humour and outrageous destruction of teh Loons extrordinaire has made what has been one of the most bizarro years in Australian politics easier to bear.Your right uppercut is second to none. A big thank you indeed.
    P.S.That shit about red lights in Melb. being aspirational is spot on.Cheers.

  9. Enjoy your stint down here with us in Melbourne, DP: the roads are reasonable, pretty much as Henry Bolte left them. Sticky wickets indeed, but only out of town. Thanks for your loonish commentary. It brightens each day.

  10. RN this morning: Newman continues sliding way down in Newspoll with no sign yet of tunnel man tunnelling out. Can't Do? So out RN pop the female Errol Flynn of Labor, Anna Bligh, happy to be in Sydney, and moving from her not mentioned comfy quango sinecure as provided by mate Gillard to next be the YWCA CEO. Happy to reside in Sydney, due to hubbie's job you know and not at all to avoid being drenched in Brisbane spit. Happy to be in Sydney, where just around every corner residents may enjoy chrissy lunch on the beaches and a dip (not in spit) unlike Brisvegans where the beaches are a "couple of hours drive away". Tell it to westies. Tell it to "young people", "young people"... lots of "young people" are to be fucked up next it seems from Sydney. Ah well, the week seemed to start out ok...

    Dorothy, thanks for your most essential blog this year, as always; cheers to you away from it down in VIC, and enjoy.

  11. I hope you do not intend taking a break Dot. YOU are my holiday entertainment.

    Best wishes and thanks for the laughs and the links.


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