In which the pond refuses to be trolled by the craven Craven, and so must be trolled by the returning bromancer and a good Groaning ...

 

Tuesday is the worst of it, with the pond needing to satiate the inhuman, insatiable appetite of Dame Groan cultists, while finding something else of interest ...

It's an impossible task ... just look at the line-up this day ...

There's the craven Craven trolling away, blathering on about ageing hippies, but the pond said farewell to the frock lover on Sunday and has no time for more tedious trolling by lickspittle lackeys ...

It's true that the bromancer has returned, but he's blathering on in his usual weird way about defence, while the lizard Oz editorialist is left as usual to pick up the seasonal slack. 

And the pond's heart sank when it saw that this day's Groaning was about pesky, difficult furriners ... because the pond knows that Dame Groan fears and loathes the other, and all that's left is the sort of Freudian analysis that should be reserved for Killer Creighton and his weird mask phobia.

Never mind, best get it done and over with, and knock off the bromancer, and welcome him back, even if the pond wishes he'd stayed on holydays, perhaps forever. 

Given that general news is available for free from many sources on the full to flowing intertubes, the pond still finds it incomprehensible that punters would actually pay for the opinion section of the lizard Oz ...

Nothing new here, except perhaps that opening bit of guff about "approaching climax point". The pond wondered if it should make a joke about clitorises but thought better of it, just as it's probably best to stay away from the bromancer's devotion to acronyms ...

FWIW, while attending AUKMIN and and contemplating DSR, here's the next gobbet of the bromancer's new year serve of a nothing burger ...

This far in and not a single mention of tanks! Doesn't the bromancer read the lizard Oz while on holydays?

It was only last Friday that Monsieur Dupont delivered a trolling of the bromancer's tank phobia - faithfully covered by the pond - and the pond had predicted that the first thing that the bromancer would do on his return was blast that bridge too far into little wooden pieces ...

Foolish pond, and yet there's still hope, there's another gobbet, another click bait video to go ...

Oh there are lots of postures or maintaining of postures, which are no doubt important when it comes to points of climax, and even Pine Gap is dragged in like a long forgotten stray cat, but where are the tanks, there ought to be tanks, someone send in the tanks, to stimulate the bromancer to a climactic point in his declining years ...

At least the war with China is back on, and the pond has no doubt it will happen long before next Xmas, but there's only one gobbet left to spank Monsieur Dupont with a wet lettuce and send him tankless on his way ...

Huzzah, the pond knew it, the pond knew the bromancer couldn't resist, but being the bromancer, he didn't give the idle trolling Monsieur Dupont the satisfaction of being mentioned by name ...

And so the pond could rest content. The tanks had been given a serve, the bridge too far destroyed, and that was enough ...even if it was just a peripheral paragraph in the last gobbet, as the bromancer reached his climax ...

And so to serving the cultists, salivating at the prospect of yet another groaning, yet surely Dame Groan is the most tedious of the lizard Oz commentariat. 

Some would argue that's her greatest strength - the glazed look of the eye is the best way to determine the time a fish has been rotting away - but the pond can remember a long time ago doing a listicle putting the reptiles in order of infamy, and Dame Groan wasn't even on it ... (in those days the Bolter was high up, until the pond realised it had to shake the habit).

Never mind, without further ado, on with the Groaner's first gobbet ... with a handsome looking snap worthy of the KKK showing the country being invaded by suspicious coloured folk, some of them even wearing masks ...

The pond has been down the path of Dame Groan's fear of furriners so many times, it has very little to say ... except to note what likely triggered the groaning. It was a headline in the tree killer edition ...

The pond didn't cover that yarn, though it sent the Oz readership into a tizz, and much groaning ensued ...

Ah the bloody ABC, it's always the bloody ABC ... so many reptile devotees watching the ABC so they can deplore it ...

The irony? This day the reptiles had served up a story which had "time for a deep Groan" etched all over it ...

Will no one speak, or even groan, or offer at least a deep sigh, for gas and Santos? Must it be left to Killer Creighton to conjure up a feeble troll about gas stoves?

And so the pond was left to complete the Groaning listicle with the Groaner...

Ah, and so to the Freudian bit. 

Apparently the Groaner has a thing about Indians overstaying their welcome, not that there's ever been much of a welcome from Dame Groan. 

Where did it come from? Was it a curry she once ate, which produced a kind of Major Bloodnok reaction? (the pond doesn't expect any stray vulgar youffs to get that one, nor even a reference to baked beans around the campfire). 

Had she once been diddled by an Indian scammer? (The pond's YouTube algorithms still produce  much good humour as Kolkata scammers are taken for a ride). 

Or did an Indian student once stand up in class and denounce the Groaner as being full of twaddle? They were probably right, but it's the insolence that probably cut to the core ...

Whatever, it's a mystery as deep as Killer Creighteon's Freudian fear of masks, and dammit, the Groaner isn't about to say silent, as Indian students litter the country like cockroaches ...and furriners lead to much pearl clutching and irrational fears ... (you saw them in that snap at the head of the column, scuttling in like feral strays)

So it's done, and the pond might just as well have gone with an EXCLUSIVE bit of tranny bashing ...

Of course the unintended consequence is that TG folk might be treated as human, with human needs ... without needing to be kicked around by hostile bureaucrats, as the pond's TG friend was when trying to get a name to match gender ...

Oh treating TG folk as human would be a ghastly consequence in reptile la la land ...

To lift the tone a little, the pond will offer a dose of Marlow in Conrad's Heart of Darkness for an explanation of this fear of the other, and Dame Groan's fear and loathing of the foreign ...

“It was unearthly, and the men were—No, they were not inhuman. Well, you know, that was the worst of it—the suspicion of their not being inhuman. It would come slowly to one. They howled and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was just the thought of their humanity—like yours—the thought of your remote kinship with this wild and passionate uproar. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly enough; but if you were man enough you would admit to yourself that there was in you just the faintest trace of a response to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a meaning in it which you—you so remote from the night of first ages—could comprehend. And why not?”

Sensible correspondents will immediately twig that Conrad was actually scribbling about lizard Oz columnists, what with their howling, leaping, spinning and making horrid faces ... and yet apparently human ...

And so to a bonus to the bonus, and the dawning in the reptile mind that all might not be well in theocratic Israel ...

What a deeply fucked theocracy it's become, and all because of a deeply corrupt man ... and the lizard Oz editorialist's best retort? At least its citizens aren't in Iran ...

Well they aren't in Ukraine either, or suffering from having their children stolen by the sociopathic Vlad the Impaler, but now they're in a full blown theocracy of a particular kind ... one that's doing its best to lie in bed with Vlad the Terrible, and commit sundry other abominations ... while the best the lizard Oz editorialist can offer is a mild amber light, at the very end of its fawning, pandering piece ...

The broadest possible backing? Get a life, it's well on the way to a fundamentalist theocracy, as seen in other parts of the world ...

The pond knows that's old and more than a little stale, and has already been revised, but just had to slip it in, while realising it's wrong to speak of the American Taliban when it's homegrown and needs to be owned ... in much the same way that Israel now needs to own that it's a theocracy intent on maintaining a system of ghettoes and gulags ...

And now, speaking of amber lights, the infallible Pope was in fine form this day, on an entirely different topic ...

By golly he really has hit on a meme with that spectral figure ...

... and the immortal Rowe was also out and about, though the pond had not the first clue what he was on about ...

Sorry, men sniffing bums is the sort of thing that appeals to the onion muncher and his kind (jolly Joe Hockey and so on) ... not that there's anything wrong with bum sniffing, it's just not the pond's thing ...