In which the reptiles fill up the pond and leave no room for distractions, what with the Major, Killer Creighton and a beefy boofhead screeching for attention ...

 

 

The pond noticed that it was improper to refer to "the French" (Graudian here), and immediately realised it was making a ghastly mistake to refer to "the reptiles of the lizard Oz' ...

Each of the reptiles have personalities, and a bit like the Elephant man, are human, and who better to illustrate the humanity than the Major, always on the hunt for that missing Order of Lenin medal ...

But the pond shouldn't start on a negative note. It was drawn to Gizmodo's 11 of the Sleaziest Snake Oil Ads From Trump's Truth Social, and was troubled as it tried to work out the snake oil that best suited the Major...

In the end, the pond couldn't go past the first two, what with the Major back each Monday to warn of the dangers of all forms of wokeness ...

Now that's how to kick off a non-woke Monday with the lizards of Oz ... and so to the Major, blathering on about the voice. 

Usually this would be an automatic red card, of the kind the pond dishes out to Dame Slap when she gets going in her obsessive compulsive way about the voice, but it's the Major and so it's piquant, as the Major tries to keep a foot in assorted camps ...

You can see the Major's problem right there ...he has to walk a fine line between his old mate Pearson and 'Price is right' Price ... and never mind the completely bizarre coupling in the lizard Oz comments section of the 'Price is right' and the mundane Mundine and ... wait for it, drum roll, expert race baiter, Gary Johns ...

That such a thing should be - the pond admits that it's simply too weird a ménage à trois for the pond to contemplate for more than a nanosecond -  but wait, hold on a mo, isn't that the beefy boofhead and Killer Creighton also out and about on a Monday?

More of them anon, but already it's easy to see how the lizard Oz has once again clogged up the pond's arteries and stopped it roaming to fresher fields.

Now back with the Major, trying to blame it all on the city-country divide and pretending that the reptiles of the lizard Oz have had nothing to do with the hoo hah ...

Punters will be pleased to note that yet again the Major was at the centre of attention, and is really the story, and meanwhile, the lizard Oz just keeps on finding ways to stir the pot, as with this LIVE news from simplistic, here no conflict of interest., simpleton Simon ...

Poor Major. Between loyalty to Pearson and long ago memories of being a deep norther, it's hard to remember the need for chest beating about his past triumphs, especially as this means he must even take on the Bolter ...

And there you have the Major's dilemma. It's possible to be a man for all seasons, with the Major loving little Johnny, but tempted by the voice, or so the Major fondly hopes... 

That said, while the 'Price is right' and the mundane Mundine and Gazza Johns get all shouty, and simplistic Simon does it LIVE, the Major is left behind, murmuring quietly into the void with Pearson ...

So the Major ends on a mutton Dutton talking point? While it briefly sounded like the Major was having a go at sceptics, it sounds very much like the Major is about to take his thirty pieces of silver and leave the scene ...

Meanwhile, how could the pond ignore an outing by that windmill-hating beefy boofhead? So many windmills in his electorate, how he must hate them ...

First the reptiles had to define the enemy, even it it was going to be obvious...

Sheesh, if there's one thing that the beefy boofhead lacks, it's imagination. Look at the header the reptiles have cursed him with, completely distracting from the terrifying sight of Jim ...

The best he's got is aspirational Aussies, a sort of rebranding of Howard's dinkum battlers, what with that not having worked out so well? The beefy boofhead, in his search for clichés, wouldn't go as far back as Ronny Raygun would he, and remind us that having a clown like the boofy beefhead in the Canberra car would be a problem for us all?

Sheesh, could it get any worse, this assortment of random thought bubbles and aged rhetoric? 

The pond is glad it asked itself that question because next minute the beefy boofhead embarked on that most deviant of political strategies, the listicle ... all that was lacking was a pointer and a Powerpoint presentation ...

That it? There isn't a fifth? The pond has time to slip in an immortal Rowe?

There you go, and in that hall of fame, the pond took a particular delight in this one ...

There's just something about cigar smoke wafting in the breeze that excites fond memories of budget time...

Meanwhile, the beefy boofhead was winding down ...

Well that was a complete waste of space, what with innovation, aspiration, enterprise yadda yadda, coming from a mob fronted by a Queensland plod, yet the reptiles had done their best for the cause, showcasing the beefy boofhead, while bringing back that old reptile favourite, the CFMEU, likely to cause rampant inflation and roon the country by Easter ...

And so as a bonus - well the beefy boofhead could hardly be considered a bonus - with Killer trawling the bowels of Twitter to dig up a conspiracy, though Killer fans will be disappointed that there's no mention of his Freudian fear of masks ...

Yep, these days the lizard Oz and Killer walk with the 4chan crowd, and as might be expected, the story is full of murk, and Killer's the last person to expect any solid fact-checking from ...

In recent times, now that vaccines have helped quell, if not extinguish the threat, it's loony tunes time for all ... please allow the pond at least one distraction ...

Meanwhile, back with Killer, still in the bowels doing his best to lather up the conspiracy ...

Ah Orwellian as usual - the pond expects an Orwellian dose on a Monday - and bold brave Killer and a few other stout hearts ready to call out everyone ... and meanwhile, the cavorting kept on with other yarns ... please, another anti-vax distraction ...

Bottom line? The pond will keep on with vaccines and masks, thank you very much, but here's a last Killer gobbet, with thanks for your troubles and your assorted conspiracy theories and your anti-vaxxer company ...

The usual fine company for Killer. Marco "small hands" Rubio, and Ron "mouthwash" Johnson - some might enjoy A Look Back at a Year’s Worth of Lies From Ron Johnson, at least until they realised that was only base camp and there was a lot more climbing to do ...

Meanwhile, the pond has had to ignore entirely the delicious events in the UK, currently ongoing, as noted in Rishi Sunak under pressure after sacking Nadhim Zahawi over tax storm.

The best the pond can do is close with a cartoon evoking the assorted nightmares ...