In which the pond takes an unusual detour into trouble in tykeland, but for devoted followers of reptiles, there's still the Major on a martial footing ...

 

The pond surveyed the reptile field this day, and lo, it was barren and devoid of interest.

The pond had hoped for the Caterist to step up and conduct a reptile war with our Henry on the matter of vaccines, but lo, the Caterist was a cowardly custard and had fled the field. 

Next the pond turned to the Oreo, in the hope that the war on the woke might be waged by a reformed, recovering feminist, but lo, the unwoke had slept in ... and there was going to be no mix of sugar, fat and flour for the pond this day ...

There were tributes to Abe, including a return by the onion muncher himself ...

... but the pond doesn't see much joy in political assassinations, and when "Trump whisperer" is the best that the reptiles can say about a politician, perhaps they shouldn't say anything ... especially if it's being said by a failed politician with a  deficit attention syndrome, eager to step back into the spotlight ...

There was one shard of hope, with the surprising presence of the cardigan-wearing Doogue, moved by the spirit of progress, but that would involve a flashback, an establisher, a setting of the scene, a little back story for the characters, so the pond stepped into its reptile time machine ...

Trouble in tyke land, and the craven Craven in full flight, and the pond must admit it had regretted missing the Molotov cocktail-wielding Craven ... because there were plenty of cartoons to hand ...

Later there were signs and portents from the unruly woke mob ... and so the pond must include them as part of the scene-setting ... quick, a flash forward, so we can confuse the audience ...

Well the craven Craven wasn't going to be deterred by blithe talk of a little irony ... back into the time machine for another gobbet of mighty smiting and smoting from the smokin' hot Craven ...

The smug left! If only Jesus had returned as the craven Craven, righteous and smiting and smoting the heretics ...

Now into the time machine and on with the craven Craven ...

A woke church! The last bloody thing we need is a woke church ...

And so to the final gobbet of valiant craven Craven ...

There were a few more squeals from the woke ... quick, back into the time machine, so that we can land in the present, to hear the squealing ...

And with that, the pond can lay claim to have set the scene for this day's piece by the Doogue. 

You see, as the reptile demographic is aimed at doddering old farts still in the Catholic church, the craven Craven was something of a possum in the rafters, making a lot of noise, and the reptiles wanted a little quiet time ... signs of hope, the spirit of progress, everything the craven Craven feared and loathed ... and even worse, from a damned cardigan wearer ...

You see? To wit and to woo, the craven Craven's wokeness needed to be given a stern reminder that some had breathed an incredible sigh of relief ...

Well the craven Craven has had his say on all that, and the pond is a mere reporter, reporting the Doogue reporting the report  ...

Female priesthood! Gad, sir, nevvuh! Nevvuh in the craven Craven's lifetime shall this sort of heresy sully the wisdom of men ... and so there was little else to say ...

Progress, then, to a cardigan wearer's eyes? How had this sort of reprehensible nonsense been allowed to sully the lizard Oz?

Surely the just and righteous verdict had been delivered days before by the craven Craven ... 

Well the pond has reported both sides on the storming of the temple, and it seems there, for the moment, the matter has rested, with the woke driven from the temple, by the valiant Craven, only to be given temporary haven by the Doogue ...

Now there will be many who have no interest in trouble in tykeland, and will ask the pond if there were absolutely no reptile favourites about, and the pond cannot tell a lie, the Major was on view, and doing his level best to keep women in their place, preferably barefoot, pregnant, at home, or perhaps featuring in a documentary about Mormon fundamentalists, of the Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey kind ... women, stay at home and tend your children, and expect no booty from the guv'inment, at least if the Major is tending the levers...

It was surely in the spirit of the craven Craven, and the church of old, and the pond felt the elective affinity at work, even though the Major did go on in the usual martial way, and the pond had already overstayed its welcome ...

Perhaps a cartoon or two for the weak and frail of heart, inspire the the faithful,  lift their spirits and help them carry on ...

Now please, stand clear, let the Major continue the work of keeping pesky, difficult women in their place, a genuine SCOTUS down under ...

Yes, yes, he's another reptile who wastes all his time listening to the ABC, so that he can join the ABC-reptile dance, an endless whirl of two-siderism, and the Major does manage to evoke the issues surrounding education, though strangely he doesn't mention what happens when the main reading in the home involves the reptiles and their awareness of history, or even their ability to track down long lost Order of Lenin medals ...

Perhaps another cartoon to show that the pond is taking the Major seriously ...

Party time ... a little of the classics and an endless party and perhaps an expensive trolley and eyeball-searing wallpaper, there's your answer to the education crisis ... too much money has been wasted on education, when it might profitably have been spent on parties ...

And so to an invocation of the spirit of the Groaner ...

There's nothing for it, but to send those bloody, pesky, difficult women back to home where they belong ... listen to the wisdom of the mob ...

And with the mob summoned to cast stones at uppity, difficult women, so to a final gobbet from the Major, valiantly keeping women in their place ...

Bloody inflationary breeders ... but the good news for the pond is that this week, the attention will likely shift back to the United States, which has been suffering an attention deficit crisis as a result of Boris and his somewhat untidy Borexit ... and likely as not, we will have to do an Adolf or a Napoleon and watch a war on two fronts unfold ... as the reptiles do their level best to distract, dissemble, and avoid what's going down in both the UK and the USA ...